


The Spice Girls

by Beewachan



Series: Series 2: Second Generation Captains [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Group chat, Heavily based off of American culture, M/M, Skype i guess i mean I've never used it in my entire life, am I right, because there aren't enough of those, crackfic, i'll find a relationship for yamamoto and hoshiumi later, if i have to deal with autocorrect capitalizing random words so does yamamoto, it will get better i promise, kidding, second gen captain chat, the relationships are not official, vulgarityx9999, why the spice girls? i do not know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-09-19 13:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9442478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beewachan/pseuds/Beewachan
Summary: (15:10) spice daddy:r u frICKIN THICK(15:11) supreme dream queen:did u just ask if my thighs are juicy(15:11) spice daddy:well they are but i was asking if u were stupid





	1. aone wants to know what the sex is like

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! reading the paragraphs isn't necessary to the story or whatever since this is crackfic, so you can skip over that if you'd like! thanks for clicking on the fic!

**Futakuchi Kenji**

 

Nervous, Futakuchi called Moniwa before he let anyone inside of the gym.

“Hey, I’m really unusually nervous right now, and I have no idea why, so can you help me?”

“What do you need?” Moniwa’s voice in itself was soothing to Futakuchi.

“Advice.”

“On?”

“What do I do when I meet these first-years?”

“Shouldn't you be letting them in now?”

“I have fifteen minutes until the time the flyer said practice begins or whatever.”

“Just be yourself. I think it would help to speak to other captains, too.”

“Am I not speaking to another captain right now?”

“I meant ones your age. I have to go. Have fun, and win this year, Futakuchi.”

“Fine. Bye,” Futakuchi inhaled in attempt to calm himself. He still had ten minutes, so he began a captain chat on skype since one of the only two captains he had contact with didn't have a real phone.

 

**Terushima Yuuji**

 

Terushima left the gymnasium doors open as he leaned against the wall in his shorts and t-shirt.

“Hey, Kazuma?”

“Hmm?”

“Can you do the talking when everyone comes in? I don't feel like doing anything right now.”

“Sure.” Kazuma wondered why Terushima didn't want to do anything. Since he's the captain, he probably should. Maybe he's still upset about the school bread.

“Kazuma.”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you think they changed the bread?”

“That's what you're thinking about?!”

“Budget cuts, probably,” Futamata said as he walked inside.

“So, what do you guys want to do this year?” Terushima asked.

“I don't know. Less 2v2s, I guess. Wanna try learning the synchronized attack thing that Karasuno did last year?” Bobata suggested.

“You know, we have a coach that we could ask, too,” Futamata reminded them.

“Right, I'll ask whenever he gets here,” Terushima said, and his friends were cheering in their heads. Always wanting to do things his own way, the fun way, Terushima never asked for help last year. It was nice progress to see that he was even considering it.

It was even further progress when he found himself considering asking other captains how to captain after finding himself in a chat with seven others.

 

**Yahaba Shigeru**

 

“Kyoutani, I swear to fucking god if you scare away the first years, I will murder with you my bare hands.” Yahaba just wasn't going to have it today.

With a growl and a glare, Kyoutani attempted to leave the club room, but Yahaba grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him against the wall.

“Where the fuck is my goodbye kiss?”

Just as Kyoutani let a hint of a smile show and began to lean in, Yahaba’s phone chimed, not once, but four times.

 

**Ennoshita Chikara**

 

Ennoshita sighed. As appealing as being captain was, it was hard work to control eight children. He wasn't sure if he was ready to have some more, but the new school year thought he was when he found ten first-years in gymnasium B that wanted to join Karasuno volleyball club.

Tanaka was intimidating some of them, making them want to leave, and Ennoshita was tempted to let him. Nishinoya, on the other hand, was rolling around exclaiming, “rolling thunder!” and declaring he was everyone’s senpai now. Hinata bounced around while Kageyama yelled at him, and Tsukki was and Yamaguchi were laughing at Kageyama and Hinata.

It was so hectic, he was ready to commit seppuku due to his lack of control. Ennoshita was exceedingly happy when he was added to a captain chat, and one of the other captains offered to call and yell at the club for him.

And what do you know? Terushima’s yelling worked, and all of Ennoshita’s now 18 children paid attention to him, and he didn't even have to strain his own voice.

 

**Shirabu Kenjirou**

 

“I miss the third years,” Goshiki wailed.

“If you stop crying and get dressed, I'll buy you a cookie,” Kawanishi offered.

Shirabu rolled his eyes. “Call them when practice is over if you miss them so much. For now, get ready to play and meet the first years.

As Kawanishi went to set his stuff by Shirabu’s, he heard an annoying sound repeatedly being played and noticed that Shirabu’s phone was lighting up. He picked it up and read the screen.

“Shirabu, you’re getting at least a million texts right now.”

“What?” Confused, Shirabu walked back over to Taichi. It was rare for him to get ten texts a week, even rarer one million in a day.

He looked over at his phone’s screen and frowned. What has he been pulled into?

 

**Yamamoto Taketora**

 

“I can't wait to meet the first years!” Lev exclaimed.

Yamamoto cleared his throat before giving his orders. “Lev! Please don't make fun of their height. Kenma! Please be careful of where you're walking while you're on your phone or PSP or whatever! There will be presumably a lot of first-years coming since we made nationals last year. Fukunaga! Talk a little more! Inuoka and Shibayama! Keep being bubbly, and welcome the first years! Alright, ready to open the doors, everyone?”

Everyone nodded, they welcomed some happy first years in. It was going great, and then during his captain speech, Yamamoto’s phone would not stop chiming. Did he really forget to turn it off? It was a good thing that Nekomata wasn't there to murder him.

 

**Akaashi Keiji**

 

Akaashi, the new captain of Fukurodani, waited alongside his vice captain, Onaga, for the new first-years to come to the second gymnasium and join the volleyball club. He was prepared, he thought. He had rehearsed the welcome speech at least a million times already. He had prepared a binder to profile each first year. He had even copied a list of signals and cues for them. What he wasn't prepared for was when Bokuto’s younger brother waltzed in with his ridiculous thigh high knee pads, smiling with delight, running towards Akaashi while practically screaming his name, and enveloping him into an uncalled for hug.

He also wasn't prepared for his phone to ring incessantly as the first years introduced themselves because he was added to a captain chat. Akaashi sighed. This was going to be a long year.

 

_ (15:15) supreme dream queen started a group with spice daddy and Yahaba _

  
(15:15) supreme dream queen: hey guys i need captainly advice so i made a group chat

(15:15) spice daddy: dude same  
(15:15) spice daddy: is it weird that i think yahaba is hot

(15:15) supreme dream queen: kinda

(15:15) Yahaba: I was about to kiss someone when you dumbasses interrupted with your fucking texts

(15:15) supreme dream queen: i sense hostility

(15:15) spice daddy: add more ppl to the chat

_ (15:16) Yahaba added mr. director to the group _

(15:16) mr. director: hey guys :) im having a lot of trouble controlling my team ill talk later

(15:16) spice daddy: wait call me and put me on speaker i can make them stop

(15:16) mr. director: k

(15:18) mr. director: thank you so much

(15:18) spice daddy: np babe

(15:18) supreme dream queen: wtf did u do

(15:18) spice daddy: can u add more captains to the group

_ (15:19) mr. director added Akaashi Keiji, HARAMBE, and NaCl to the group _

(15:19) Yahaba: Shitabu, is that you?

(15:19) NaCl: go fuck yourself

(15:20) spice daddy: who is harambe in 2017

(15:20) supreme dream queen: he can be harambe if he wants to be harambe

(15:20) Yahaba: How do you know Harambe is a he?

(15:20) spice daddy: s t o p  a s s u m i n g  g e n d e r s  2 0 1 7

(15:20) supreme dream queen: i know that he’s a he because harambe has a penis

(15:20) spice daddy: BUT HOW

(15:20) supreme dream queen: i just do

(18:26) HARAMBE: YOU GUYS  
(18:26) HARAMBE: I WAS TRYING TO GIVE A SPEECH AND MY PHONE KEPT PINGING  
(18:26) HARAMBE: KILL ME

(18:28) spice daddy: SORRY LOL

(18:28) supreme dream queen: silence that shit

(18:28) HARAMBE: I WILL

(18:28) spice daddy: so how was everyone’s first day of school

(18:29) supreme dream queen: shitty

(18:29) spice daddy: same they got new bread in the cafeteria and it's even worse than the last time it was changed like whoever made that decision to change it should be hanged rn

(18:29) Yahaba: Well, that's a little harsh

(18:30) mr. director: i think we should do introductions  
(18:30) mr. director: hello i’m ennoshita chikara from karasuno high school

(18:31) supreme dream queen: hi im futakuchi from date tech

(18:31) spice daddy: futakuchi introduce me

(18:31) supreme dream queen: spice daddy is a fuckboy from miyagi named terushima yuuji and he goes to johzenji

(18:31) HARAMBE: HI MY NAME IS YAMAMOTO AND IM THE CAPTAIN AND ACE OF NEKOMA HIGH

(18:31) Yahaba: Hi, I’m from Seijoh, and if you couldn't already tell, my name is Yahaba

(18:31) NaCl: i am shirabu and i go to shiratorizawa

(18:31) Akaashi Keiji: I go to Fukurodani.

(18:31) Akaashi Keiji: Can I add another two captains to the chat?

(18:32) supreme dream queen: the more the merrier

_ (18:32) Akaashi Keiji added #1 and Daddy to the group _

(18:32) Daddy: KEIJI <3

(18:32) Akaashi Keiji: Please don't call me by my given name.

(18:32) spice daddy: why is your name daddy

(18:32) Daddy: my friend changed it and idk how to change it back okay

_(18:32) supreme dream queen has named the group THE SPICE GIRLS_

(18:32) NaCl: who is #1

(18:32) Daddy: sakusa (hes probably doing extra practice or taking a bath or something rn lol)

(18:33) HARAMBE: y

(18:33) Daddy: hes a hypochondriac and takes baths like 5x a day

(18:33) spice daddy: does he have any sex like even with a condom or is the risk of germ spreading too much

(18:33) Daddy: idk ask him whenever hes here

(18:33) Yahaba: What kind of cocky asshole makes their name #1

(18:33) NaCl: sakusa

(18:33) Akaashi Keiji: Is it rude to reject your friend’s sibling?

(18:34) supreme dream queen: wym

(18:34) Akaashi Keiji: My friend’s little brother just asked me to go on a date with him.

(18:34) Daddy: say no

(18:34) supreme dream queen: is he hot

(18:34) spice daddy: dont knock it til u try it

(18:34) NaCl: it isn’t rude to reject someone if you do it nicely

(18:34) Akaashi Keiji: What do I say?

(18:35) Daddy: no

(18:35) supreme dream queen: BEFORE YOU SAY NO

(18:35) HARAMBE: we need to know if u like him and if he is attractive and what he is like

(18:35) Akaashi Keiji: I don't like him. He's two years younger, and he looks like a 4cm shorter version of Bokuto with blue eyes and hair down.

(18:35) HARAMBE: blue eyes are nice

(18:35) supreme dream queen: well bokuto is a fuckin daddy so

(18:36) Yahaba: How do you know what Bokuto looks like

(18:36) supreme dream queen: he was in a volley mag

(18:36) spice daddy: pics

(18:36) supreme dream queen: idk where i put the magazine

(18:36) Akaashi Keiji: _Attached image_

(18:36) Daddy: god look at those thighs

(18:36) spice daddy: his thighs are literally like 5% of the picture and thats what u look at  
(18:36) spice daddy: i actually looked at them too tbh

(18:37) supreme dream queen: that slit of skin between his shorts and knee pads is so fucking hot

(18:37) HARAMBE: THE people have spoken  
(18:37) HARAMBE: the people say YOU SHOULDNT reject LITTLE BOKUTO

(18:37) Yahaba: Dude, what's with your capitalization

(18:37) HARAMBE: AUTOCORRECT keeps capsing my WORDS

(18:37) Akaashi Keiji: I do not want to date little Bokuto.

(18:37) spice daddy: how could u not

(18:38) Daddy: how could u not want to love him

(18:38) supreme dream queen: does little bokuto have the same knee pads

(18:38) Akaashi Keiji: Yes.

(18:38) Yahaba: Why don't you want to date him?

(18:38) Akaashi Keiji: I like someone else.

(18:38) Daddy: me? <33

(18:38) Akaashi Keiji: No.

(18:38) spice daddy: if u arent gonna do him i will lmao

(18:38) Daddy: same  
(18:39) Daddy: does his little brother have thick thighs

(18:39) Akaashi Keiji: Yes.

(18:39) Daddy: ugh i wish i lived closer to you

(18:39) #1: What is going on?

(18:39) mr. director: akaashi’s crush’s brother asked him out

(18:39) #1: Thank you

(18:39) mr. director: np

(18:40) supreme dream queen: wat

(18:40) Daddy: WHAT

(18:40) mr. director: sorry akaashi was i wrong though

(18:40) Akaashi Keiji: It’s okay, and no.

(18:40) spice daddy: i dont blame u i rly wanna bang bokuto

(18:40) Akaashi Keiji: He is heterosexual.

(18:40) HARAMBE: DID u ever ask if hes gay or are u making assumptions

(18:40) Akaashi Keiji: The latter.

(18:40) Daddy: im calling him rn and asking

(18:41) Akaashi Keiji: Why do you have his number?

(18:41) Daddy: all japan intensive training camp, babe

(18:41) Akaashi Keiji: Anyways, what do I say to his brother?

(18:41) NaCl: say “i appreciate your offer, but no, thank you”  
(18:41) NaCl: it’s polite enough to not make things awkward

(18:42) Akaashi Keiji: Thanks, I sent that to him.  
(18:42) Akaashi Keiji: He replied,  
(18:42) Akaashi Keiji: “thats okay but im still gonna ask u out everyday” :(

(18:42) HARAMBE: same

(18:42) spice daddy: double same tbh

(18:42) supreme dream queen: lmao

(18:43) Daddy: BOKUTO SAID HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT HIS SEXUALITY IS

(18:43) Akaashi Keiji: If any of you touch him, I will murder you.

(18:43) NaCl: same

(18:43) supreme dream queen: damn

(18:43) spice daddy: that was kinda hot

(18:43) #1: What

(18:43) spice daddy: like in a masochistic sense

(18:43) Daddy: Akaashi can murder me any day

(18:43) #1: What the fuck

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(11:02) spice daddy: it just came to me  
(11:02) spice daddy: who is “Daddy”

(11:17) supreme dream queen: why tf are you not in class

(11:17) spice daddy: i am in class im just using my ipod

(11:18) supreme dream queen: get a real phone

(12:05): Daddy: oh my name is Miya

(12:05) spice daddy: miya bby send a pic

(12:07) supreme dream queen: you're such a fucking fuckboy

(12:08) Daddy: Attached image

(12:08) spice daddy: FUCK UR HOT  
(12:08) spice daddy: DO U HAVE A SNAPCHAT

(12:08) NaCl: what the fuck

(12:08) #1: ^

(12:09) Daddy: i have a snapchat i’ll give it to u later  
(12:09) Daddy: sakusa y is ur name #1 btw

(12:09) #1: Komori wanted matching names, so he changed mine, and I don’t know how to, nor do I want to, change it back

(12:09) Daddy: omg bc ur the #1 ace and hesthe #1libero

(12:09) spice daddy: that is literally so fricking cute

(12:09) supreme dream queen: “like, literally”

(12:09) spice daddy: STFU FUTAKUCHI UR SO MEAN TO ME

(12:09) supreme dream queen: ily

(12:10) spice daddy: ily2bb

(12:10) Yahaba: Why are you guys not in class?

(12:10) spice daddy: WE ARE

(12:10) HARAMBE: i wish i had someone to match names with :(

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(18:23) Akaashi Keiji: Yamamoto, why don't you match with Fukunaga or Tanaka?

(18:23) HARAMBE: idk i’ll ask fukunaga but i dont think he likes me bc i told him to talk more

(18:23) Akaashi Keiji: Lol

(18:23) Daddy: Akaashi Keiji “Lol”ed #blessed

(18:24) HARAMBE: do u have a crush on akaashi

(18:24) Daddy: :( yes

(18:24) Yahaba: Too bad he’ll never return your feelings.

(18:24) HARAMBE: SAVAGE

(18:24) Daddy: i have no words

(18:24) Yahaba: Sorry not sorry

(18:24) NaCl: i will help you cut yahaba if you want

(18:25) Daddy: im going to travel to miyagi this summer break and then we can cut him

(18:25) HARAMBE: OH SHIT

(18:25) NaCl: :)

(18:25) Akaashi Keiji: How did this go from talking about matching names to cutting Yahaba? Please don't actually hurt him.

(18:25) HARAMBE: THE VOICE OF REASON HAS SPOKEN

(18:25) Daddy: yamamoto wtf are u doing

(18:25) HARAMBE: AND DADDY COMES BACK WITH THE QUESTIONS

(18:25) spice daddy: ily yamamoto

(18:25) HARAMBE: THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I’LL BE BACK TOMORROW TO NARRATE AT 6:00 PM JST! SEE YOU THEN THANKS BYE

(18:26) mr. director: oh no i missed the show

(18:26) Daddy: it’s okay, it'll be on again tomorrow

(18:26) supreme dream queen: shirabu i have a question for u

(18:26) NaCl: what

(18:26) supreme dream queen: can i have tendous number

(18:26) NaCl: why would anyone want to talk to tendou more than he/she has to

(18:27) supreme dream queen: aone wants to know what the sex is like

(18:27) NaCl: aone doesn't fucking talk, futakuchi

(18:27) supreme dream queen: okay i might want to know just give me the digits

(18:27) NaCl: fine

(18:27) spice daddy: and you make fun of me

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case the names were still unclear...
> 
> spice daddy = teru  
> supreme dream queen = futakuchi  
> Daddy = miya  
> mr. director = ennoshita  
> HARAMBE = yamamoto  
> #1 = sakusa   
> NaCl = shirabu
> 
> I did this instead of my English homework, and I don't regret it. I do not know how often updates will be but I have written 15000 words, so hopefully frequent? Thanks for reading!


	2. no one has ever called me daddy like that before

 

  
(21:03) spice daddy: is it just me or is it rly annoying when u have a million bfs and they're all texting u at once

(21:05) Daddy: okay literally no one here has that problem but you

(21:05) supreme dream queen: lmao u tell him miya

(21:06) spice daddy: i just feel so attacked right now

(21:06) HARAMBE: good that’s what u get for harassing kyioko-san

(21:06) spice daddy: wtf yamamoto i thought we were friends :(

(21:06) HARAMBE: we are

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(1:17) supreme dream queen: do you ever have days where you like just cant sleep bc ur busy thinking about someone or reading or whatever

(1:18) Akaashi Keiji: Every day, unfortunately.

(1:18) supreme dream queen: wtf ur actually up

(1:18) Akaashi Keiji: I typically go to sleep around 12-2 in the morning.

(1:18) supreme dream queen: y

(1:18) Akaashi Keiji: I stay for extra practice until about seven or eight, and then I must study and do my homework, eat, shower, and brush my teeth. That lasts until about 12 or one depending on how much work I have. Because I used to stay with Bokuto-san practicing even later, I am not used to sleeping this early, and I have found myself awake until two recently.

(1:19) supreme dream queen: wow u type fast

(1:19) Akaashi Keiji: Yes.

(1:19) supreme dream queen: do u have a lot of hw in ur fancy cp clssses

(1:19) Akaashi Keiji: Yes, but I often study during lunch to lighten the load.

(1:19) supreme dream queen: wow dedication  
(1:19) supreme dream queen: i would fall asleep trying to study every day lmao  
(1:20) supreme dream queen: not that i don't already do that

(1:20) Akaashi Keiji: Why are you up, anyways?

(1:20) supreme dream queen: reading for book club  
(1:20) supreme dream queen: we’re reading a romance novel this month so i’ve been thinking about kamasaki after reading :/

(1:20) Akaashi Keiji: You’re in a book club?

  
(1:20) supreme dream queen: well i am literate yes 

(1:20) Akaashi Keiji: I would have never guessed.

(1:20) supreme dream queen: this is why i’m afraid to tell people

(1:20) Akaashi Keiji: Lol  
(1:21) Akaashi Keiji: Anyways, why do you think about Kamasaki after reading?

(1:21) supreme dream queen: i had a fling with kamasaki  
(1:21) supreme dream queen: now he’s gone  
(1:21) supreme dream queen: when i try to text him he doesn't really answer  
(1:21) supreme dream queen: i mean he does and he tries his best but theyre short answers and i feel like i’m part of the past and he probably wants to move on now that he's at uni

(1:21) Akaashi Keiji: I am very sorry to hear that, Futakuchi.  
(1:21) Akaashi Keiji: For what it’s worth, I think you deserve better than someone who wishes to leave you behind. Anyone does.

(1:21) supreme dream queen: wow akaashi thank you  
(1:21) supreme dream queen: whenever i try to talk to teru about this hes like “im sry idk what 2 say ttyl”  
(1:22) supreme dream queen: you're so good at this

(1:22) Akaashi Keiji: Thanks, I used to console Bokuto-san.

(1:22) supreme dream queen: he talked to u abt his love interests? wtf?

(1:22) Akaashi Keiji: Yes, it was horrible, but we are best friends, and that is what best friends are for.

(1:22) supreme dream queen: fuck this is like one of my romance novels  
(1:22) supreme dream queen: the hella angsty kind

(1:22) Akaashi Keiji: Do you like romance novels?

(1:22) supreme dream queen: ya they're cute lol

(1:22) Akaashi Keiji: What is the one that you're currently reading about?

(1:23) supreme dream queen: this girl likes this guy but he likes this other girl and the other girl likes another girl, but girl that he likes dates him out of pity, which is not only annoying to her, but it hurts girl #1 without her knowing AND girl #3 (the one that she likes) and the boy is still in love with her

(1:23) Akaashi Keiji: Wow, that sounds cumbersome.

(1:23) supreme dream queen: yeah there's a lot of angst  
(1:23) supreme dream queen: but i like it bc it's like hey ur life could be a lot worse lol

(1:23) Akaashi Keiji: Yes, that is true.

(1:23) supreme dream queen: we should probably go to sleep

(1:23) Akaashi Keiji: Goodnight, Futakuchi-san.

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(17:22) Yahaba: Who are the team moms now that the third years are gone?

(17:23) spice daddy: u, enno, akaashi, i think komori, shirabu, and idk the rest

(17:23) Yahaba: Do you think the other sports teams have team moms?

(17:23) spice daddy: i hope so bc team moms are hot

(17:23) #1: What are team moms?

(17:23) Yahaba: Isn’t the name self explanatory?

(17:23) spice daddy: don't be mean

(17:23) Yahaba: Fine

(17:24) spice daddy: a team mom is a player on the team that acts like a mom and is responsible and corrects others’ behavior and stuff

(17:24) #1: Oh  
(17:24) #1: I guess Komori is our team mom then

(17:24) mr. director: i thought that team moms had to be setters

(17:24) Yahaba: Come on, Kageyama isn't mother-material

(17:24) mr. director: i suppose that is true

(17:24) spice daddy: are u okay with being mommy ennoshita

(17:24) mr. director: i really do not care

(17:24) Yahaba: Lol

(17:25) spice daddy: cold  
(17:25) spice daddy: i like it

(17:25) mr. director: please stop

(17:25) spice daddy: no

(17:25) Yahaba: Before you say anything else stupid, Terushima, this conversation is over

(17:25) spice daddy: yahaba be my queen

(17:25) Yahaba: Bye

(17:25) supreme dream queen: she was fearless and crazier than him. she was his queen, and god help anyone who dared to disrespect his queen.

(17:25) mr. director: bye

(17:25) supreme dream queen: come on

(17:25) spice daddy: bye

(17:26) supreme dream queen: you too?

(17:26) spice daddy: no

(17:26) supreme dream queen: <3

(17:26) spice daddy: <3

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(19:23) Daddy: does anyone know how to make banana milk

(19:24) NaCl: there’s something called google. you should try using it.

(19:24) Daddy: okay rude

(19:24) Yahaba: Aww, Shitabu, try being a little nicer

(19:24) NaCl: shitabu? loll

(19:24) Yahaba: I was expecting a “fuck off,” but that works, too

(19:25) Daddy: srsly this recipe doesn't even have milk in it wtf

(19:25) NaCl: one cup of milk, one banana, and maybe a little bit cinnamon or vanilla extract if u want

(19:25) Daddy: lol it turns out i was on a vegan website  
(19:25) Daddy: thx

(19:25) Yahaba: Why do you know how to make banana milk?

(19:25) NaCl: goshiki likes it

(19:25) Yahaba: Don’t you hate him lmao

(19:25) NaCl: no hes adorable  
(19:25) NaCl: this is kawanishi btw  
(19:25) NaCl: where's terushima

(19:26) Daddy: blenders are so annoying and loud

(19:26) Yahaba: Why would anyone want to talk to Terushima

(19:26) NaCl: wanna smash  
(19:26) NaCl: i am glad you’ve observed the annoying sound of a blender, daddy

(19:26) Yahaba: Screenshotted

(19:26) NaCl: lol

(19:26) Daddy: no one has ever called me daddy like that before  
(19:26) Daddy: i feel weirdly happy

(19:26) NaCl: ;)

(19:26) spice daddy: hi this is terushima yuuji  
(19:27) spice daddy: also ngl when i read banana milk i totally thought of another type of “milk”

(19:27) NaCl: yay  
(19:27) NaCl: dm me

(19:27) spice daddy: k

(19:27) Daddy: my boy

(19:27) Yahaba: Ew

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(20:18) NaCl: this is why i don't take naps anymore for fuck’s sake

(20:19) mr. director: i recommend that you change your phone passcode

(20:19) NaCl: every time i do he gets in  
(20:19) NaCl: honestly i stopped trying after the eighth time  
(20:19) NaCl: idk how to get him to stop

(20:19) mr. director: that is amazing

(20:19) Akaashi Keiji: Did you try hitting him?

(20:19) NaCl: i actually haven’t thanks i’ll try it

(20:19) Akaashi Keiji: I hope it works.

(20:19) mr. director: btw why are you just okay with kawanishi dming teru

(20:20) NaCl: what do you mean

(20:20) mr. director: aren't you guys dating

(20:20) Akaashi Keiji: I thought you were dating Semi-san.

(20:20) NaCl: wtf why  
(20:20) NaCl: i'm not dating anyone  
(20:20) NaCl: and i'm not even gay

(20:20) mr. director: idk you guys seemed close

(20:20) Akaashi Keiji: Yeah.

(20:20) NaCl: we’re just friends

(20:21) mr. director: sorry for assuming you were gay. it’s just that everyone on my team is gay to some degree, yes even tanaka, so i've been assuming every volleyball player is gay in my head

(20:21) NaCl: it’s okay lol

(20:21) supreme dream queen: i can't believe u guys get along so well  
(20:21) supreme dream queen: that is so cute

(20:21) NaCl: why wouldn't we get along

(20:21) supreme dream queen: “i hate those crow motherfuckers” — shirabu 2k16

(20:21) mr. director: lol

(20:21) NaCl: in my defense tendou gave me a mysterious drink at that party, and that was shortly after the defeat, so i am sorry. i truly do not hate you. i was bitter

(20:22) Akaashi Keiji: I can’t see you taking a mysterious drink from Tendou-san.

(20:22) NaCl: i took a mysterious drink from semi first because i trusted him but apparently tendou made it and i was already seeing double so i was like k why not when tendou offered me one

(20:22) supreme dream queen: i was amazed that you even went to a party

(20:22) NaCl: kawanishi said it would be fun

(20:22) Akaashi Keiji: Was it?

(20:22) NaCl: i can't even remember  
(20:22) NaCl: what i told you is just what kawanishi said happened

(20:22) mr. director: it was fun

(20:22) supreme dream queen: you should come with your team this year if you can

(20:22) HARAMBE: what is this about a party i hear ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(20:22) Akaashi Keiji: I do not know.

(20:23) supreme dream queen: okay so

(20:23) NaCl: every year

(20:23) mr. director: after the miyagi

(20:23) supreme dream queen: qualifying round for

(20:23) NaCl: qualifiers the winning

(20:23) mr. director: team selects a

(20:23) supreme dream queen: few teams that

(20:23) NaCl: the team is familiar

(20:23) mr. director: with and likes

(20:23) supreme dream queen: and the winning team

(20:23) NaCl: has to hold a party

(20:23) supreme dream queen: at their choice

(20:24) mr. director: of venue

(20:24) NaCl: yeah that's it

(20:24) supreme dream queen: wow i can't believe we did that

(20:24) HARAMBE: can nekoma crash ur party this yr

(20:24) mr. director: it depends on who wins

(20:24) supreme dream queen: yamamoto and akaashi can be our +1s lol

(20:24) HARAMBE: okay but im bringing my 13 children

(20:24) NaCl: whatever the host can deal with it

(20:24) mr. director: hosting is hard shirabu be nice

(20:24) NaCl: i was just a first year when i had to help tendou plan the party  
(20:24) NaCl: i planned it so perfectly  
(20:25) NaCl: i had everyone rsvp so i knew the amount of people we were serving for  
(20:25) NaCl: imagine my wide doe eyes as i say, “tendou-san, is this okay?” after showing him my plan  
(20:25) NaCl: imagine him shrugging his shoulders and saying “whatever rocks your boat, kiddo,” while he knew that nothing was going to go as i planned  
(20:25) NaCl: because apparently people were bringing alcohol, there would be at least 20 people crashing, and we would run out of food fast

(20:25) mr. director: that sounds horrible

(20:25) HARAMBE: that sounds incredIBLY FUN

(20:25) NaCl: it was terrible  
(20:25) NaCl: moral of the story, if i suffered, so can the next hosting team

(20:25) HARAMBE: NOW IM EXCITED FOR QUALIFIERS

(20:25) supreme dream queen: theyre in 4 months

(20:26) Akaashi Keiji: You can be excited in August.

(20:26) HARAMBE: ughhh

(20:26) Daddy: omg can I come

(20:26) Akaashi Keiji: Wouldn't that take a while?

(20:26) Daddy: it’s like 5hrs by bullet train no worries

(20:26) HARAMBE: dude that's like a flight

(20:26) Daddy: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
(20:26) Daddy: if it means i get to see you all then it’s worth it

(20:26) supreme dream queen: dude

(20:26) HARAMBE: bro

(20:26) supreme dream queen: that was so

(20:26) HARAMBE: so SWEET

(20:27) Daddy: <3

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(23:08) Yahaba: Is no one else bothered by the fact that Shirabu claims to not be gay?

(23:10) #1: I am bothered by a lot more than that

(23:10) Yahaba: Lmao same

(23:10) supreme dream queen: oh btw wanna come to the party in august sakusa

(23:10) #1: No thank you

(23:10) Daddy: k then i’ll ask komori if he wants to come and bring itachiyama

(23:10) #1: Please don’t

(23:10) Akaashi Keiji: I know you may think otherwise, but getting out of the house can actually be good for you.

(23:11) HARAMBE: NICE KILL

(23:11) Daddy: damn

(23:11) #1: What did I do to deserve being added to this chat

(23:11) Yahaba: Breathe

(23:11) Daddy: i mean u can leave if u hate it so much

(23:11) #1: Komori forbid me from leaving

(23:11) HARAMBE: because socializing is good for the heart and soul you hermit crab

(23:11) Akaashi Keiji: I agree.

(23:11) #1: It gives my soul anxiety

(23:11) Yahaba: Aww

(23:12) Daddy: you can feel cool around us, you know

(23:12) #1: Okay

(23:12) HARAMBE: that was the most you've ever said in this chat lol

(23:12) #1: Goodnight

(23:12) Daddy: night

(23:12) HARAMBE: ur going to bed?

(23:12) Daddy: ya i had 3 glasses of banana milk and im tired now

(23:12) Akaashi Keiji: That’s cute.

(23:13) Daddy: thanks keiji now i won't be able to sleep

(23:13) Yahaba: I can’t decide whether you guys are disgusting or cute.

(23:13) HARAMBE: they're ADORABLE

(23:13) mr. director: well, aren't you in touch with your feminine side lol

(23:13) HARAMBE: YOU are adorable too

(23:13) mr. director: i have a boyfriend

(23:13) Daddy: that escalated quickly

(23:13) HARAMBE: when u fail while hitting on people even virtually

(23:13) mr. director: sorry

(23:13) HARAMBE: no no tell ur bf i said sorry

(23:14) mr. director: i’m dating tanaka

(23:14) HARAMBE: WHAT  
(23:14) HARAMBE: WHEN  
(23:14) HARAMBE: WHY

(23:14) mr. director: gn bye

(23:14) Daddy: y are they freaking out

(23:14) Akaashi Keiji: I believe Yamamoto and Tanaka are close friends. Perhaps he is surprised that his friend did not tell him of his relationship.

(23:14) Daddy: keiji u r literally so cute like all u have to do is breathe ohmygod

(23:14) Yahaba: Disgusting

(23:14) Akaashi Keiji: Thanks.

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(15:00) Yahaba: Shitabu

(15:00) NaCl: what

  
(15:00) Yahaba: Lol you answer to Shitabu

(15:00) NaCl: die

(15:00) Yahaba: Are you fucking that older setter from last year

(15:00) NaCl: what the fuck

(15:00) Yahaba: Just say no

(15:01) NaCl: yes

(15:01) Yahaba: So you are fucking him

(15:01) NaCl: no fuck off

(15:01) Yahaba: Thanks

(15:01) mr.director: ugh why not

(15:01) NaCl: what

(15:01) Yahaba: We made a bet

(15:02) mr.director: you weren't supposed to tell him

(15:02) Yahaba: Lol

  
(15:02) NaCl: didn't you think i was dating kawanishi  
(15:02) NaCl: fuck you both

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates shall be sporadic bc exam season is nearing


	3. Send a dick picture, and say, “this is the last time."

(2:35) HARAMBE: listening to lana del rey and pondering life

(2:35) spice daddy: you should really go to sleep

(2:35) HARAMBE: CAN’T  
(2:35) HARAMBE: wyd up anyways LOL  
(2:35) HARAMBE: excuse ME im 2 lazy to press THE x for the autocorrects  
(2:35) HARAMBE: DON’T know why it thinks im screaming

(2:36) spice daddy: wow lol  
(2:36) spice daddy: i have a beautiful young man sleeping next to me and i cant fall asleep

(2:36) HARAMBE: who who who

(2:36) spice daddy: someone told me you sound like an owl

(2:36) HARAMBE: WHO

(2:36) spice daddy: lmaoo

(2:36) HARAMBE: OMG I FELL FOR IT  
(2:36) HARAMBE: BUT SRSLY who are u sleeping with

(2:37) spice daddy: i dont kiss and tell :p

(2:37) HARAMBE: YES u do

(2:37) spice daddy: kawanishi

(2:37) HARAMBE: wow that worked  
(2:37) HARAMBE: also i can't believe you “:p”ed

(2:37) spice daddy: same  
(2:37) spice daddy: im gonna go cuddle ttyl

(2:37) HARAMBE: what a great way to spend a Friday evening

(2:37) NaCl: when the fuck did kawanishi sneak out of the dorm  
(2:38) NaCl: terushima, tell him i am not covering for him this time

(2:38) HARAMBE: wym THIS time

(2:38) NaCl: last time, i almost got suspended bc the supervisor thought that I was sneaking out when i was just helping the stupid fuck in

(2:38) HARAMBE: LOL

(2:38) NaCl: it wasn't funny :(

(2:38) HARAMBE: aww sry

(2:38) NaCl: i wanna go to sleep

(2:38) HARAMBE: THEN sleep child

(2:39) NaCl: i am older than you

(2:39) HARAMBE: fr

(2:39) NaCl: probably

(2:39) HARAMBE: when were u born

(2:39) NaCl: may 4

(2:39) HARAMBE: feb 22 wow

(2:39) NaCl: wow you’re a baby

(2:39) HARAMBE: I AM ONLY NINE MONTHS YOUNGER

(2:40) NaCl: lol only

(2:40) HARAMBE: so shirabu  
(2:40) HARAMBE: i heard that ur not gay

(2:40) NaCl: is that a big deal

(2:40) HARAMBE: ive never met a volleyball player who doesnt like some dick so yeah

(2:40) NaCl: i’ve never been with a guy, so i wouldn't know the appeal, anyways

(2:40) HARAMBE: ive never been with anyone but  
(2:40) HARAMBE: /thighs/

(2:40) NaCl: wow lol

(2:40) HARAMBE: yknow what i mean

(2:41) NaCl: i guess  
(2:41) NaCl: i thought i was gay for a while

(2:41) HARAMBE: why ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(2:41) NaCl: do you know of a setter named semi eita

(2:41) HARAMBE: is that the emo LOOKING kid on ur team

(2:41) NaCl: well he's not on my team anymore but yeah

(2:41) HARAMBE: oh i saw him on ur team's magazine spread

(2:41) NaCl: yeah

(2:41) HARAMBE: he's CUTE

(2:41) NaCl: yeah…

(2:41) HARAMBE: TELL ME THE DETAILS

(2:42) NaCl: we should really go to sleep

(2:42) HARAMBE: NO

(2:42) NaCl: idk i just thought he was really attractive and i wanted to hang out with him but all i could get out was like overly nice and polite phrases to him that sounded really passive aggressive

(2:42) HARAMBE: tragic

(2:42) NaCl: i got over it after a little while of telling myself it was just hormones lol

(2:42) HARAMBE: WHAT if it’s more

(2:42) NaCl: idk and now i can't find out because he's gone

(2:43) HARAMBE: do u have his number

(2:43) NaCl: yes

(2:43) HARAMBE: ask HIM out

(2:43) NaCl: no

(2:43) HARAMBE: WHY NOT

(2:43) NaCl: he hates rude gestures/people/whatever  
(2:43) NaCl: isn’t asking someone out over text considered rude

(2:43) HARAMBE: not if he doesn't know it's a date lollll

(2:43) NaCl: goodnight yamamoto

(2:44) HARAMBE: NO I wanna hear more about ur relationship PROBLEMS

(2:44) NaCl: dude turn off autocorrect

(2:44) HARAMBE: LATER

(2:44) NaCl: okay

(2:44) HARAMBE: so tell me: how did it begin

(2:44) NaCl: he was really mean to me  
(2:44) NaCl: when i first got to shiratorizawa i mean  
(2:44) NaCl: i hated him  
(2:44) NaCl: but because i’m a great and wonderfully raised child, i was still polite and respectful to him  
(2:45) NaCl: eventually, he became more mature and accepted that i was better fit to be starting setter  
(2:45) NaCl: i continued being nice but not exactly accepting his advice all the time because honestly, if i do the same things he does, then i’m not the best setter for the team right (call me petty)

(2:45) HARAMBE: LOL damnnn

(2:45) NaCl: i noticed he would get noticeably angry or flustered every time, and i didn't pay much mind to it at first  
(2:45) NaCl: then i realized how cute his burning red cheeks were  
(2:45) NaCl: and his stupidly dyed hair  
(2:45) NaCl: and the little fires in his eyes when he was angry were kind of hot

(2:46) HARAMBE: DID u just make a pun

(2:46) NaCl: oops lol  
  
(2:46) HARAMBE: LOL

(2:46) NaCl: and i started being strangely happy when he spoke to me  
(2:46) NaCl: i even tried to speak to him as well  
(2:46) NaCl: you know, not passive aggressively  
(2:46) NaCl: it didn't work out

(2:46) HARAMBE: awww

(2:46) NaCl: then the seniors were retired from volleyball  
(2:46) NaCl: and i was like whatever fuck that  
(2:46) NaCl: who needs an asinine gay crush

(2:46) HARAMBE: you  
(2:47) HARAMBE: ASK HIM OUT

(2:47) NaCl: gn my eyes are shutting

(2:47) HARAMBE: what about kawanishi

(2:47) NaCl: i hope he gets stuck in the stupid bushes

(2:47) HARAMBE: savage

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(19:28) supreme dream queen: Attached image  
(19:28) supreme dream queen: guys  
(19:28) supreme dream queen: look at aone’s fucking cactus lmao  
(19:28) supreme dream queen: he named it Sheldon and knit it a little hat and everything

(19:29) spice daddy: im in love  
(19:29) spice daddy: i wanna take up gardening

(19:29) supreme dream queen: im sry teru im not quite sure ur fit for that

(19:29) #1: Let him have his hopes and dreams

(19:29) supreme dream queen: well aren't u just a ray of sunshine today huh

(19:29) spice daddy: thank you sakusa i appreciate ur saving me from futakuchi’s bullying

(19:29) supreme dream queen: WOW

(19:29) Daddy: Attached image  
(19:30) Daddy: look at my little bamboo

(19:30) spice daddy: it is so frickin cute

(19:30) supreme dream queen: adorable

(19:30) Daddy: ikr

(19:30) #1: I quite like miniature versions of normal things

(19:30) supreme dream queen: omg same

(19:30) Daddy: have u guys seen tiny kitchen

(19:30) #1: No

(19:30) supreme dream queen: same

(19:30) Daddy: i binge watched the vids for like 4hrs tbh  
(19:30) Daddy: [TINY KITCHEN](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BWig5gexJXQ)

(19:30) #1: Thank you

(19:31) Daddy: for wat

(19:31) #1: Sending the link

(19:31) supreme dream queen: gonna go watch the vids ttyl

(19:31) Daddy: later

(19:31): spice daddy: okay now that the hater is gone

(19:31) supreme dream queen: @ me next time b1tch

(19:31) spice daddy: suck a cock  
(19:31) spice daddy: what species of bamboo do u have miya bc i want one

(19:31) Daddy: i honestly don't know i just got it from a little market in downtown tokyo

(19:31) spice daddy: arent u in osaka

(19:31) Daddy: ya but i explored tokyo during nationals lol

(19:32) spice daddy: o right ur a nationals goer

(19:32) Daddy: mhmm

(19:32) spice daddy: im gonna see u at nationals this yr ;)

(19:32) Daddy: i look forward to it ;)

(19:32) HARAMBE: is that wink a sex code or something

(19:32) Daddy: oh, dear

(19:32) spice daddy: did u srsly just say oh dear

(19:32) Daddy: maybe

(19:32) HARAMBE: stop flirting  
(19:32) HARAMBE: terushima u already have like 34 bfs and gfs  
(19:33) HARAMBE: and miya DONT u like someone elseeee

(19:33) spice daddy: okay fair point

(19:33) Daddy: i am sorry i didn't realize that was flirting

(19:33) spice daddy: same

(19:33) HARAMBE: i WISH i could flirt so carelessly

(19:33) spice daddy: ur so adorable

(19:33) Daddy: u mean like that lmao

(19:33) HARAMBE: BYE

(19:33) spice daddy: my bad

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(20:47) mr. director: is anyone in here in cp that can help me with math

(20:48) Akaashi Keiji: Yes.

(20:48) mr. director: tyvm :)  
(20:48) mr. director: Attached image

(20:48) Akaashi Keiji: Give me a couple of minutes; I need to get paper.

(20:48) mr. director: take your time :)

(20:51) Akaashi Keiji: _Attached image_

(20:51) mr. director: thank you again!

(20:51) Akaashi Keiji: Anytime.

(20:52) spice daddy: i can help too  
(20:52) spice daddy: if akaashi isnt available or ur doing miyagi common core only

(20:52) mr. director: i appreciate your offer, too!

(20:55) NaCl: same i have nothing better to do

(20:56) Yahaba: You already know I can help you

(20:57) mr. director: you guys are too nice!

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(18:36) Daddy: can i add another captain

(18:37) NaCl: sure why not

(18:37) Daddy added hohohoshiumi to the group

(18:37) Daddy: this is my fun sized friend hoshiumi

(18:37) hohohoshiumi: wat up

(18:37) NaCl: hello

(18:37) Yahaba: Is he smaller than Shitabu?

(18:38) NaCl: go kiss your sorry excuse for a boyfriend

(18:38) Yahaba: At least I have a boyfriend

(18:38) NaCl: stop breathing

(18:38) Yahaba: :)

(18:38) hohohoshiumi: wow you called me fun sized  
(18:38) hohohoshiumi: i am average height thank u very much

(18:38) Daddy: how tall are u even shirabu

(18:38) NaCl: 179.6cm

(18:38) hohohoshiumi: wow you ignored me too

(18:38) Daddy: ur taller than I expected with the way everyone makes fun of u lmao

(18:38) NaCl: i had a small growth spurt since last year

(18:38) Daddy: how much did u grow

(18:38) hohohoshiumi: im done with u miya  
(18:38) hohohoshiumi: u add me to a chat  
(18:39) hohohoshiumi: u dont reply to any of my messages  
(18:39) hohohoshiumi: u dont even tell me why im here

(18:39) Daddy: u didn't ask

(18:39) hohohoshiumi: WOW

(18:39) NaCl: i grew like 5.2cm

(18:39) Daddy: amazing

(18:39) NaCl: how tall is ur fun sized friend

(18:39) hohohoshiumi: WOW

(18:39) Daddy: idk like 160cm lmao

(18:39) hohohoshiumi: 170 ASSHOLE

(18:39) Daddy: how cute

(18:39) Akaashi Keiji: Adorable.

(18:39) supreme dream queen: just precious

(18:39) Yahaba: absolutely endearing

(18:40) hohohoshiumi: HOW TALL ARE YOU GUYS EVEN  
(18:40) hohohoshiumi: AND WHO ARE YOU

(18:40) Daddy: 184.8

(18:40) Yahaba: 184.9

(18:40) Akaashi Keiji: 185.6

(18:40) supreme dream queen: 188.2  
  
(18:40) Daddy: isnt sakusa like 192ish

(18:40) hohohoshiumi: whatever i can jump amazingly high anyways

(18:40) Daddy: lmao

(18:40) supreme dream queen: how high is amazingly high

(18:40) hohohoshiumi: 361.8CM

(18:40) Akaashi Keiji: Amazing.

(18:40) Yahaba: Ngl, that is kind of impressive

(18:40) Daddy: stop

(18:40) supreme dream queen: it is lol

(18:41) hohohoshiumi: IKR  
(18:41) hohohoshiumi: WANNA SSE

(18:41) Daddy: never feed his ego again

(18:41) hohohoshiumi: _Attached video_  
(18:41) hohohoshiumi: ITS GREAT RIGHT

(18:41) mr. director: hello sorry i am late to the party nekoma and karasuno had a practice match

(18:41) Daddy: welcome

(18:41) mr. director: thanks  
(18:41) mr. director: i feel obligated to share that i am 180.4cm

(18:41) Daddy: lol  
(18:41) Daddy: hoshiumi can you reach the top shelf

(18:41) hohohoshiumi: yknow what  
(18:41) hohohoshiumi: go die

(18:41) mr. director: don't be mean

(18:41) Daddy: who

(18:41) mr. director: both of you

(18:41) supreme dream queen: now hug and make up

(18:42) NaCl: do you think they're five

(18:42) Daddy: im sorry hoshiumi

(18:42) supreme dream queen: yes lmao

(18:42) hohohoshiumi: its okay

(18:42) NaCl: wow that worked

(18:42) mr. director: :)

(18:42) Daddy: hoshiumi this is a captain chat

(18:42) hohohoshiumi: do u guys even talk about volleyball

(18:42) Daddy: lmao no

(18:42) hohohoshiumi: how come we r limiting it only to captains

(18:42) supreme dream queen: bc that's what our senpais did

(18:42) hohohoshiumi: ok

(18:43) Daddy: hoshiumi is a very skilled player btw  
(18:43) Daddy: but feel free to make fun of him

(18:43) hohohoshiumi: i cant

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(15:02) #1: Futakuchi, why is your name supreme dream queen?

(15:07) supreme dream queen: my little sister saw me making out with a guy  
(15:07) supreme dream queen: she then decided that i am gay and it’s okay to call me queen  
(15:07) supreme dream queen: and changed my skype name  
(15:07) supreme dream queen: i never got around to changing it

(15:08) #1: Oh, okay

(15:08) spice daddy: i like ur name

(15:08) supreme dream queen: it’s okay ig

(15:08) spice daddy: how old is ur sister anyways

(15:08) supreme dream queen: 13 as of three days ago lmao

(15:08) spice daddy: aww

(15:08) supreme dream queen: yeah she's cute super annoying though

(15:08) spice daddy: r u gonna beat up boys for her

(15:08) supreme dream queen: of course

(15:09) spice daddy: i will help u

(15:09) supreme dream queen: i think she has a bf actually  
(15:09) supreme dream queen: i saw some string bean walking her home  
(15:09) supreme dream queen: he had a haircut like u so i don't trust him

(15:09) spice daddy: wOw RuDe  
(15:09) spice daddy: don't blame u tbh

(15:09) supreme dream queen: i tried asking her about string bean and she was like “leave me alone”

(15:09) spice daddy: y would u do that

(15:09) supreme dream queen: do what

(15:10) spice daddy: ask her about him

(15:10) supreme dream queen: y was that bad or something

(15:10) spice daddy: yesssss  
(15:10) spice daddy: put urself into the shoes of a 13yo girl w her first boyfriend while being interrogated by an overprotective brother

(15:10) supreme dream queen: all i said was “who was that”

(15:10) spice daddy: put  
(15:10) spice daddy: ur  
(15:10) spice daddy: self  
(15:10) spice daddy: in  
(15:10) spice daddy: her  
(15:10) spice daddy: shoes

(15:10) supreme dream queen: okay one 200% less obnoxious message would have gotten the point across

(15:10) spice daddy: being less obnoxious doesn't suit my personality

(15:10) supreme dream queen: yeah it doesn't

(15:10) spice daddy: so now do u understand why what u did was wrong

(15:10) supreme dream queen: no

(15:10) spice daddy: she probably thought u were gonna lecture her about boys or harass him or something

(15:10) supreme dream queen: oh i forgot to have the talk with her

(15:10) spice daddy: r u frICKIN THICK

(15:11) supreme dream queen: did u just ask if my thighs are juicy

(15:11) spice daddy: well they are but i was asking if u were stupid

(15:11) supreme dream queen: what kind of culture are u getting this use of thick from

(15:11) spice daddy: idk anymore

(15:11) supreme dream queen: well i guess i’m stupid when it comes to being empathetic

(15:11) spice daddy: it’s cool i used to be an emotional idiot too  
(15:11) spice daddy: now im not and i have 34 gfs/bfs :)

(15:11) supreme dream queen: i’m happy being thick rather than a fuckboy

(15:11) spice daddy: im not a fuckboy u meanie

(15:11) supreme dream queen: okay how many of your girlfriends know u have more than one lmao

(15:12) spice daddy: idk probably like 2  
(15:12) spice daddy: once i accidentally asked out two best friends on the same day

(15:12) supreme dream queen: god you’re an idiot

(15:12) spice daddy: yeah i have a scar on my hand where they dug their nails now lmao

(15:12) supreme dream queen: when r u gonna settle down

(15:12) spice daddy: soon

(15:12) supreme dream queen: good

(15:12) spice daddy: i actually found a bf that i like

(15:12) supreme dream queen: fr who

(15:13) spice daddy: okay maybe two

(15:13) supreme dream queen: WHO

(15:13) spice daddy: idw talk about it rn  
(15:13) spice daddy: feelings are annoying

(15:13) supreme dream queen: okay gimp

(15:13) spice daddy: WOW

(15:13) supreme dream queen: <3

(15:13) spice daddy: ill tell u later  
(15:13) spice daddy: im gonna go break up with 32ppl

(15:13) supreme dream queen: do it over mass text

(15:13) spice daddy: k

(15:13) supreme dream queen: I WAS KIDDING DUMBASS  
(15:13) supreme dream queen: don't actually do that

(15:14) spice daddy: how do u suggest i do it

(15:14) Akaashi Keiji: Send a dick picture, and say, “this is the last time.”

(15:14) spice daddy: lmao

(15:14) supreme dream queen: well that was unexpected

(15:14) Akaashi Keiji: I have to go because I am still in class. Please tell me how it turns out if you try.

(15:14) supreme dream queen: oh my god he actually wants you to do that

(15:14) spice daddy: let me do it to some on snapchat lmao

(15:14) supreme dream queen: WAIT

(15:14) spice daddy: wat

(15:14) supreme dream queen: don't put the caption of the message as that bc they'll screenshot it and leak ur nudes

(15:14) spice daddy: fine i’ll set it to one second and send the caption afterwards

(15:14) supreme dream queen: k go

(15:15) spice daddy: later man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading


	4. how a "fuckboy" cultivates

(12:34) supreme dream queen: lmao my sister and her “friend” are hanging out today

(12:34) hohohoshiumi: theyre hanging out outside of school omg its official

(12:34) supreme dream queen: ikr

(12:34) hohohoshiumi: what grade is she in lol

(12:35) supreme dream queen: jr high 1st yr

(12:35) hohohoshiumi: aww shes still a baby  
(12:35) hohohoshiumi: y r u letting her date

(12:35) supreme dream queen: she won't talk to me if i ask her about the boy  
(12:35) supreme dream queen: she literally ignored me for four days because i asked what his name is

(12:35) hohohoshiumi: lolll

(12:35) supreme dream queen: something tells me i should be concerned  
(12:35) supreme dream queen: another thing tells me “don't tell mom”

(12:35) Daddy: tell mom for shits and giggles

(12:35) hohohoshiumi: dont be a dick

(12:35) supreme dream queen: what even is being a dick to a 13 year old girl

(12:35) hohohoshiumi: telling mum about her bf

(12:35) Daddy: fine don't tell her

(12:36) supreme dream queen: they're in the living room and i’m highkey tempted to go stalk their little date

(12:36) Daddy: “highkey” same

(12:36) hohohoshiumi: what r they talking about

(12:36) supreme dream queen: currently creeping out of room  
(12:36) supreme dream queen: wth  
(12:36) supreme dream queen: they’re just complaining about their sensei

(12:36) Daddy: well they're like 12 lmao

(12:36) hohohoshiumi: ^

(12:36) supreme dream queen: 12 year olds are not innocent these days okay can't blame me for worrying

(12:37) hohohoshiumi: true

(12:37) Daddy: i wonder what teru was like when he was 12

(12:37) supreme dream queen: y teru

(12:37) Daddy: i’m curious to see how a “fuckboy” cultivates

(12:37) hohohoshiumi: u speak about him like hes a crop LMAO

(12:37) supreme dream queen: ikr lol and i didn’t know him til like 1st yr of hs so i couldn't tell u

(12:37) Daddy: damn

(12:38) hohohoshiumi: are they still talking about sensei

(12:38) supreme dream queen: now theyre talking about their subway surfers high scores…  
(12:38) supreme dream queen: they're kinda cute tbh

(12:38) hohohoshiumi: awww

(12:38) Daddy: that is kinda cute

(12:38) supreme dream queen: i feel bad for watching them from afar now

(12:38) hohohoshiumi: its o k a y to be a worrying brother

(12:38) Daddy: yeah it’s only normal

(12:38) supreme dream queen: do u guys have siblings

(12:39) hohohoshiumi: dude dont say siblings

(12:39) supreme dream queen: y

(12:39) hohohoshiumi: it feels like ur calling them animals

(12:39) Daddy: wow hoshiumi

(12:39) supreme dream queen: ^ same

(12:39) hohohoshiumi: i have a 5yo brother and 1yo sister  
(12:39) hohohoshiumi: theyre rly cute wanna see

(12:39) Daddy: yes

(12:39) supreme dream queen: yes

(12:39) hohohoshiumi: Attached image  
(12:39) hohohoshiumi: Attached image  
(12:39) hohohoshiumi: Attached image

(12:40) supreme dream queen: awww

(12:40) Daddy: children are so endearing

(12:40) hohohoshiumi: ikr :D

(12:40) supreme dream queen: the boy put his arm around my sister's shoulder

(12:40) Daddy: oh shit

(12:40) hohohoshiumi: oh shit ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(12:40) supreme dream queen: she's watching him play subway surfers with one hand ~_~

(12:40) Daddy: is big brother coming to the rescue

(12:41) supreme dream queen: big brother is venturing through the living room “to get tea”

(12:41) hohohoshiumi: give the boy a good glare

(12:41) supreme dream queen: i did but they're too absorbed in the stupid frickin subway surfers to notice

(12:41) Daddy: lmao just make sure they don't make out or whatever

(12:41) supreme dream queen: do u think she would hate me if i stayed in the living room w them

(12:41) hohohoshiumi: depends on her hormones

(12:41) mr. director: i have a 14 year old sister  
(12:41) mr. director: do not stay in the living room futakuchi

(12:41) supreme dream queen: fine

(12:41) hohohoshiumi: go ask him what his high score is

(12:41) supreme dream queen: y

(12:41) Daddy: no

(12:41) mr. director: if you ask then she will think you are embarrassing her

(12:42) supreme dream queen: ugh

(12:42) hohohoshiumi: gtg i have practice at 1

(12:42) Daddy: bye

(12:42) supreme dream queen: ennoshita what do i do

(12:42) mr. director: leave her alone

(12:42) Daddy: that's so boring

(12:42) mr. director: wait until she has to go to the bathroom or something  
(12:42) mr. director: then go up to string bean  
(12:42) mr. director: and ask  
(12:42) mr. director: what's your subway surfers high score

(12:42) supreme dream queen: just when i thought you'd be helpful

(12:42) Daddy: marry me ennoshita

(12:42) mr. director: i have a boyfriend

(12:42) HARAMBE: REJECTED

(12:42) Daddy: you just broke my heart

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(13:37) supreme dream queen: his high score is 2863255

(13:37) HARAMBE: WEAK

(13:37) supreme dream queen: what's yours 

(13:37) HARAMBE: i dont actually play LOL  
(13:37) HARAMBE: kenma did in middle school and got like 5000000ish then got bored and quit

(13:38) supreme dream queen: same

(15:02) hohohoshiumi: MY ONE YEAR OLD BROTHER CAN DO BETTER THAN 2863255

(15:07) HARAMBE: SAVAGE

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(11:32) Daddy: do u guys think starbucks is weird

(11:32) HARAMBE: yes y

(11:32) Daddy: i came to school with coffee from starbucks  
(11:32) Daddy: and now my friend keeps calling me a basic bitch

(11:32) Akaashi Keiji: Attached image  
(11:32) Akaashi Keiji: Tell your friend that basic is better.

(11:33) HARAMBE: wow

(11:33) Daddy: aww ur a basic bitch too ily keiji  
(11:33) Daddy: sry for texting u during class go back

(11:33) Akaashi Keiji: I have a photographic memory. I do not need to pay attention as long as I have a textbook.

(11:33) Daddy: wow k

(11:34) Yahaba: Attached image

(11:34) spice daddy: isn't coffee bad for u

(11:34) Daddy: no dummy

(11:34) NaCl: Attached image

(11:34) Daddy has changed the chat name to “basic is better”

(11:34) Yahaba: Shitabu, how do you get Starbucks when you live on campus?

(11:34) NaCl: it’s a 9 min walk away

(11:34) Akaashi Keiji: I am sure it is well worth the walk.

(11:34) NaCl: definitely

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(17:47) supreme dream queen: guys i just embarrassed myself in front of aones parents  
(17:47) supreme dream queen: i tripped over air and face planted into the wooden floor

(17:49) HARAMBE: RELATABLE

(17:49) spice daddy: lmao

(17:49) supreme dream queen: honestly i don't even care about embarrassing myself anymore  
(17:49) supreme dream queen: when the teacher asks me a question in class i say something really dumb and i'm content with people thinking i'm stupid

(17:49) HARAMBE: how do u not care

(17:49) spice daddy: acceptance

(17:49) supreme dream queen: acceptance

(17:49) HARAMBE: it’s creepy when u send the same message at once

(17:50) spice daddy: lol oops

(17:50) supreme dream queen: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

(17:50) spice daddy: so futakuchi how did u accept being a loser

(17:50) HARAMBE: SAVAGE

(17:50) supreme dream queen: who said i was sharing a status with you 

(17:50) HARAMBE: CLAPBACK

(17:50) spice daddy: fuck

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(18:30) NaCl: what does one wear on a date

(18:30) Daddy: omg where are u going

(18:30) Yahaba: Wow, someone would date you?

(18:30) NaCl: a cafe and shut up it’s not really even a date

(18:30) Daddy: who are u dating ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(18:30) NaCl: it’s a friendly date  
(18:31) NaCl: actually we aren't friends  
(18:31) NaCl: we’re going to talk about volleyball

(18:31) Yahaba: Is it Kawanishi

(18:31) NaCl: no

(18:31) Daddy: wear something smart casual

(18:31) NaCl: k thanks

(18:31) Yahaba: Who else would hang out with you  
(18:31) Yahaba: I know no one texts you except Kawanishi and us

(18:31) NaCl: i actually text some people other than you guys, asshole

(18:31) Yahaba: Is it bowl cut

(18:31) NaCl: i don't care to answer that

(18:32) Yahaba: Oh my god you're dating a second-year

(18:32) NaCl: i am literally just going over drills that i want to do with him

(18:32) Yahaba: Go doll up

(18:32) NaCl: i hate you

(18:32) Daddy: y do u guys hate each other

(18:32) Yahaba: Oikawa taught me to hate shiratorizawa, and it just happened  
(18:32) Yahaba: Tbh, I don't hate him  
(18:32) Yahaba: I like annoying him for shits and giggles

(18:33) Daddy: wow lol  
(18:33) Daddy: how come u don't hate ennoshita since u like lost to karasuno

(18:33) Yahaba: Ennoshita and I are friends  
(18:33) Yahaba: We have practice matches together sometimes  
(18:33) Yahaba: And he's impossible to hate

(18:33) Daddy: awwww

(18:33) Yahaba: The only time I could ever hate him is on the court, but it's more like a frustration than a hate

(18:33) Daddy: that's so cute

(18:33) Yahaba: Our friendship is strictly platonic; don't get the wrong idea

(18:33) Daddy: u know i’m still gonna ship it

(18:34) Yahaba: we both have boyfriends

(18:34) Daddy: each other  
(18:34) Daddy: #ennoyaha

(18:34) mr. director has removed Daddy from the chat

(18:34) Yahaba: Thank you

(18:34) mr. director: my pleasure :)

(18:55) NaCl: i don't hate you either

(18:55) Yahaba: Aww

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(21:07) Daddy: so shirabu how was ur date

(21:07) NaCl: akaashi why did you let him back into the chat

(21:07) Akaashi Keiji: He kept sending me sad faces, complaining, and spamming compliments to my snapchat. It was just easier than blocking him.

(21:08) spice daddy: who doesn't like compliments

(21:08) Daddy: keiji finds them insulting

(21:08) spice daddy: wtf

(21:08) NaCl: k then

(21:08) spice daddy: y dont u like compliments

(21:08) Akaashi Keiji: The phrasing is what makes them insulting.

(21:08) NaCl: you look great _today_

(21:08) Akaashi Keiji: I know. I look great everyday.

(21:08) Daddy: yes you do

(21:08) spice daddy: wow

(21:09) Daddy: anyways shirabu how was your date

(21:09) NaCl: it was worse than i expected  
(21:09) NaCl: he thought i liked him despite me telling him that it was just to talk about volleyball  
(21:09) NaCl: he is so cocky  
(21:09) NaCl: he isn't even that great

(21:09) Yahaba: Liar

(21:09) NaCl: excuse you

(21:09) spice daddy: ive seen the way u toss to him without a doubt  
(21:09) spice daddy: #absolute trust

(21:09) Yahaba: You think he's a good player

(21:10) NaCl: i hate him when it comes to any other aspect of life

(21:10) spice daddy: i ship it

(21:10) NaCl: no

(21:10) Yahaba: Shirabu x lil bowl cut

(21:10) Daddy: Otp

(21:10) NaCl: stop

(21:10) Yahaba: My truest pairing

(21:10) spice daddy: boyfriend goals  
(21:10) spice daddy: akaashi i broke up w people the way u told me to btw  
(21:10) spice daddy: they took it well

(21:11) Akaashi Keiji: How unfortunate.

(21:11) spice daddy: wow okay lol

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(6:27) spice daddy: guys the barista at starbucks was really cute today  
(6:27) spice daddy: Attached image  
(6:27) spice daddy: there he is <333

(6:28) NaCl: that is semi

(6:28) spice daddy: omg i knew i recognized him

(6:28) NaCl: did you flirt with him

(6:28) spice daddy: nah i like someone else (kawanishilol;))

(6:28) NaCl: gross

(6:28) spice daddy: omg do u like cute barista

(6:28) NaCl: yes

(6:28) spice daddy: thats so cuteeeeee

(6:28) NaCl: no it is very bothersome

(6:28) spice daddy: do u go to the same starbucks

(6:29) NaCl: i am currently in a different one

(6:29) spice daddy: aww  
(6:29) spice daddy: ill send u a pic of semi every morning hes here then since u wont get to see him

(6:29) NaCl: i don't even know what to say to that

(6:29) spice daddy: “thank you”

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(1:23) Akaashi Keiji: Hello, is anyone awake?

(1:23) Daddy: yeah

(1:23) Akaashi Keiji: How was your day?

(1:23) Daddy: gucci

(1:23) Akaashi Keiji: I'm too tired to tell you why you shouldn't say that. 

(1:24) Daddy: can't sleep?

(1:24) Akaashi Keiji: I can’t. :(

(1:24) Daddy: call me

(1:24) Akaashi Keiji: Why?

(1:24) Daddy: i wanna sing u a lullaby lmao

(1:24) Akaashi Keiji: No.

(1:24) Daddy: fine wanna talk instead

(1:24) Akaashi Keiji: Okay.

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿✿

 

(18:09) spice daddy: hi im alone on a train please entertain me

(18:10) hohohoshiumi: dont u have like 34 bfs to entertain u or something

(18:10) spice daddy: o k a y rude i only have 1 now and i dont want to bother him

(18:10) hohohoshiumi: MY bad

(18:10) Akaashi Keiji: Washio-san had a crush on Shirofuku-san, and he wasn't aware that she is a lesbian, so he asked her to be his girlfriend, got her little Valentine's chocolates, and wrote her a love poem. She dated him out of pity until we all decided to tell him that she does not like men.

(18:11) spice daddy: thank u for entertaining me akaashi

(18:11) Akaashi Keiji: You are welcome.

(18:11) NaCl: goshiki cuts his hair with a straightedge

(18:11) spice daddy: lmao

(18:11) Yahaba: Matsukawa-san and Hanamaki-san became boyfriends by crying whilelooking at friendzone memes and then confessing

(18:11) mr. director: hinata waited six months for kageyama to ask him out, and because kageayama is an actual emotional idiot, hinata ended up buying him milk and sticking a note on it that said “will u go out w me? yes or no”

(18:11) spice daddy: i wish i had embarrassing stories of my teammates to tell you but honestly i think they only have embarrassing stories of me

(18:11) Akaashi Keiji: Lol

(18:11) spice daddy: wait  
(18:11) spice daddy: last yr bobata got his belly button pierced and at practice it got stuck in the net when he jumped too close and he cried and now he doesn't wear it to practice anymore

(18:12) Yahaba: Same

(18:12) mr. director: ^  
(18:12) mr. director: sometimes yamaguchi brings tsukki dinosaur shaped graham crackers for lunch

(18:12) Yahaba: Relationship goals

(18:12) NaCl: it took almost three years of dropping incredibly obvious hints for ushijima-san to figure out that tendou-san likes him

(18:12) mr. director: omg  
(18:12) mr. director: sawamura and sugawara did the same thing!  
(18:12) mr. director: “daichi~ are you the desert night sky? because you make me see stars!”

(18:12) spice daddy: dying

(18:12) NaCl: inside

(18:12) Yahaba: Same

(18:12) Akaashi Keiji: Same.

(18:12) mr. director: the pickup lines were so bad

(18:13) NaCl: “wakatoshi~ are u a big mac bc u make me salivate” – tendou satori

(18:13) Yahaba: “makki, r u a meme bc u make me SMILE” – Matsukawa Issei

(18:13) Akaashi Keij: “saru, damn girl! r u my wifi bc im feeling a connection!” – Komi Haruki  
(18:13) Akaashi Keiji: “i’m not a girl” – Sarukui Yamato

(18:13) spice daddy: same

(18:13) HARAMBE: “kenma, why r u so beautiful” – kuroo tetsurou  
(18:13) HARAMBE: “i don't know. maybe you would if you studied for your biology quiz. go away.” – kozume kenma

(18:13) Yahaba: Relatable

(18:13) spice daddy: o shit i have a bio test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> admittedly not the best chapter; i didn't proofread again I'm sry I'm lazy. also I'm gonna write this with american culture bc it's just easier since I've never been to japan 
> 
> i just asked my friend what was wrong with her kik name and then i realized mine was "D a d d y" lol 
> 
> thanks for reading :)


	5. I will travel the six hour train ride just to throw you in a dumpster in a dark, dirty alleyway.

 

(7:23) HARAMBE: Attached image  
(7:23) HARAMBE: all my friends and i :(

(7:23) #1: But that is just you

(7:23) HARAMBE: I KNOW  
(7:23) HARAMBE: WHY IS NOBODY IN SCHOOL THIS IS FRICKIN DEPRESSING

(7:23) Akaashi Keiji: Did you check the underclassmen halls?

(7:24) HARAMBE: THERE WERE KIDS DOWN THERE

(7:24) #1: A lot of my class is absent as well. By a lot, I mean there are only three students here.

(7:24) Akaashi Keiji: Same, except I’m the only third year present out of all six classes.

(7:24) #1: Komori isn’t here. Let me text him and ask him what is going on.

(7:24) HARAMBE: i thought it was still sunday or a holiday or something

(7:24) Akaashi Keiji: Isn't today the date for the first planned senior skip day?

(7:24) HARAMBE: since when is senior skip day a thing

(7:24) #1: Komori said it is senior skip day, but the absence is not excused

(7:25) Akaashi Keiji: Some girl saw the idea on Netflix and decided to plan a senior skip day on Instagram if I recall properly.

(7:25) #1: Do you think that it's happening in other cities as well?

(7:25) Akaashi Keiji: Probably not. It was proposed by a mass of students in the Tokyo prefecture but not approved by the school board. I guess they just decided to skip anyways.

(7:25) HARAMBE: well the bell rang TTYL

(7:25) #1: Goodbye

(7:25) Akaashi Keiji: Later.

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(8:06) spice daddy: wth u get a senior skip day?

(8:27) Akaashi Keiji: No, it wasn't approved. It was just a day in which students plan to not go to school through social media.

(8:28) spice daddy: how come u went

(8:28) Akaashi Keiji: I had a no-retake literature test today.

(8:28) spice daddy: so committed :’)

(8:28) Daddy: we have a senior skip day in osaka on the 17th

(8:28) Akaashi Keiji: I hope your teachers put no-retake tests for every subject on the 17th.

(8:29) Daddy: wow salty

(8:29) spice daddy: same

(8:29) Akaashi Keiji: Excuse me, I have to go take a calculus test before sensei gets angrier and takes my phone away.

(8:29) Daddy: gl babe <3

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(12:32) HARAMBE: how were ur tests  
(12:32) HARAMBE: i didnt know i had tests today  
(12:32) HARAMBE: i kinda wish i stayed home

(12:32) Akaashi Keiji: They were okay. Skipping is not good, Yamamoto-san.

(12:32) HARAMBE: remember when ppl planned a walkout in jr high and like no one actually did it lmao

(12:32) #1: Two people tried to leave in my school.

(12:32) Akaashi Keiji: Walkouts are stupid. Education should be cherished.

(12:33) HARAMBE: so boring

(12:33) #1: I agree with Akaashi

(12:33) HARAMBE: u guys r so boring

(12:33) Akaashi Keiji: I’m sorry that we value our education.

(12:33) HARAMBE: whatever  
(12:33) HARAMBE: should i eat lunch alone or sit w lev

(12:33) Akaashi Keiji: Do you like Lev?

(12:33) HARAMBE: i meannn

(12:33) #1: Alone is always better  
(12:33) #1: Unless the person you're considering sitting with is your boyfriend

(12:33) HARAMBE: he thinks hes the frickin ace and now that yakusan isnt here to kick his ass i almost strangled him ohnygod i hate himsomuch

(12:34) Akaashi Keiji: It sounds like you have a lot of pent up anger towards him.

(12:34) #1: Yes, it is annoying when people are arrogant yet have nothing special to brag about  
(12:34) #1: But there comes a point in life when you stop caring

(12:34) HARAMBE: i TRY to not care  
(12:34) HARAMBE: BUT lev canteven receive  
(12:34) HARAMBE: and he wont practice it as much as before bc his frickin bf is gone  
(12:34) HARAMBE: it is just so ANNOYING

(12:34) Akaashi Keiji: Ask Yaku-san to text him and get him to practice.

(12:34) HARAMBE: wow i didnt think abt that yr smart akaasji

(12:34) Akaashi Keiji: Thanks.

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(17:23) Akaashi Keiji: Miya, I need your help.

(17:24) Daddy: how come everyone gets an honorific but me  
(17:24) Daddy: but i’ll do whatever u want babe

(17:24) Akaashi Keiji: You don't need one.  
(17:24) Akaashi Keiji: Pretend to be my boyfriend.

(17:24) Daddy: wa  
(17:24) Daddy: way  
(17:24) Daddy: way  
(17:24) Daddy: wat  
(17:24) Daddy: what* what the fugl  
(17:24) Daddy: fuck*  
(17:24) Daddy: my fingers aE fucking spaING  
(17:24) Daddy: are sspazing  
(17:24) Daddy: u lnow whati memsnt

(17:24) Akaashi Keiji: I need you to type normally as well.  
(17:24) Akaashi Keiji: Please make it clear that we are happily in love, and that this young man has no future with me whatsoever.

(17:24) Daddy: “young man”  
(17:25) Daddy: i love it when u act like a mother

(17:25) Akaashi Keiji: Shut up.  
(17:25) Akaashi Keiji: I am going to add you to a group chat with him.

(17:25) Daddy: k <3

(17:25) Akaashi Keiji: If you do anything other than what I tell you, I will travel the six hour train ride just to throw you in a dumpster in a dark, dirty alleyway.

(17:25) Daddy: that doesnt sound so bad  
(17:25) Daddy: at least i’d get to see your pretty face

(17:25) HARAMBE: frickin SMOOTH

(17:25) Akaashi Keiji: Don't encourage him.

(17:26) HARAMBE: pls dont throw me in a dumpster

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(18:48) spice daddy: hey shirabu what room number is taichi in

(18:48) NaCl: did you just call him by his given name

(18:48) spice daddy: ya

(18:48) NaCl: fucking disgusting  
(18:48) NaCl: third floor 102

(18:48) spice daddy: k thx  
(18:48) spice daddy: gonna surprise him ♡(´ε｀ )♡

(18:49) NaCl: get away from my eagle children and i if you're going use those fucking emojis

(18:49) spice daddy: geez ur salty today

(18:49) NaCl: hence the name

(18:49) Yahaba: He got rejected

(18:49) spice daddy: WHAT

(18:49) Yahaba: Yeah

(18:49) NaCl: i didn’t get rejected, dumbass

(18:49) Yahaba: I thought you said you asked Semi-san out

(18:50) NaCl: he accepted

(18:50) Yahaba: Then why are you so crabby

(18:50) NaCl: HE SAID “uh sure”  
(18:50) NaCl: HOW WOULD THAT MAKE YOU FEEL

(18:50) Yahaba: Lmao so basically you got rejected

(18:50) NaCl: NO I DIDNT

(18:50) supreme dream queen: chill  
(18:50) supreme dream queen: kamasaki has said um sure to me like five times and we’re doing fine

(18:50) Yahaba: Weren't you guys having problems?

  
(18:51) supreme dream queen: that was for like 1 week we are fine now

(18:51) NaCl: WHAT TJE FUCK FOES UH SURE MEAN OH MT FUCKING GOD

(18:51) spice daddy: what room are u in shirabu u seem like u need a friend rn lol

(18:51) NaCl: THE FACT THAT U PUT LOL AT THE WND TELLS ME KUST HOW CONCERNED U ARE GO FUCK URSELF

(18:51) Yahaba: Jesus

(18:51) NaCl: I am sorry. Go surprise your boyfriend. I am fine. I am well.

(18:51) supreme dream queen: shirabu it's scarier when you type like akaashi than when u curse in all caps

(18:51) NaCl: I am going to go fucking meditate. I will text you later.

(18:51) Yahaba: For some reason, I don't think meditate and fuck should be used in the same sentence

(18:51) NaCl: NO ONE FUCKING ASKED

(18:51) spice daddy: i love that this chat was made to talk about captain stuff but we never talk about it

(18:52) supreme dream queen: ikr  
(18:52) supreme dream queen: btw shirabu “uh sure” probably either means he wasn't expecting u to ask or he had other plans but is changing them just for u  
(18:52) supreme dream queen: but that's just from my experience

(18:55) NaCl: meditating doesn't fucking work  
(18:55) NaCl: i’m sorry i will stop cursing  
(18:55) NaCl: i hope it doesn't mean “i don't like you, but i would feel bad saying no”

(18:55) supreme dream queen: i too worried about it meaning that  
(18:55) supreme dream queen: you'll be fine

(18:55) NaCl: futakuchi

(18:55) supreme dream queen: wat

(18:55) NaCl: do you understand  
(18:55) NaCl: that i’ve never been on a date before

(18:55) supreme dream queen: didn't u go on a date with goshiki

(18:56) NaCl: IT WASN'T ROMANTIC HES LIKE MY SON STOP IT YAHABA ALREADY TEASES ME ENOUGH

(18:56) supreme dream queen: sorry lol  
(18:56) supreme dream queen: just act like u normally do around him even if ur “dating”

(18:56) NaCl: what the fuck are the quotes supposed to mean

(18:56) Yahaba: Is fuck the only swear that you know?

(18:56) NaCl: i don't fucking know, you fucking shithead, is it?

(18:56) Yahaba: Bitch

(18:56) NaCl: cuntface

(18:56) Yahaba: Stupe

(18:56) NaCl: dunderhead

(18:57) Yahaba: Dickwad

(18:57) NaCl: fuckwit

(18:57) Yahaba: Window-licker

(18:57) NaCl: asswipe

(18:57) Yahaba: Floozie

(18:57) NaCl: twat

(18:57) Yahaba: Fuckface

(18:57) NaCl: patsy

(18:57) Yahaba: Dolt

(18:57) NaCl: goon

(18:57) Yahaba: Fart knocker

(18:57) NaCl: furry

(18:57) Yahaba: Cuck

(18:57) NaCl: dipshit

(18:57) Yahaba: Weeaboo

(18:57) NaCl: cretin

(18:58) Yahaba: Putz

(18:58) NaCl: dildo

(18:58) Yahaba: Plonker

(18:58) NaCl: cocksucker

(18:58) Yahaba:

(18:58) NaCl: i won today

(18:58) Yahaba: I would have let you win anyways since you've been freaking out

(18:58) supreme dream queen: what the actual fuck

(18:58) NaCl: we do this on a regular basis

(18:58) Yahaba: This is just the first one not done in private chat

(18:58) supreme dream queen: wow

(18:58) NaCl: it was actually rather calming

(18:59) Yahaba: Lol when is your date

(18:59) NaCl: 3 days/saturday

(18:59) supreme dream queen: what are u guys doing ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(18:59) NaCl: dinner

(18:59) supreme dream queen: awww

(18:59) Yahaba: That’s cute

(18:59) NaCl: i hope it ends up being as cute as you think it is

(18:59) supreme dream queen: same

(19:00) Yahaba: We need all of the details afterwards, by the way

(19:00) NaCl: i figured

(19:00) Yahaba: Now if you'd excuse me, I have a hot date to get ready for

(19:00) supreme dream queen: who goes out on a Wednesday

(19:00) Yahaba: Me

(19:00) NaCl: have fun at your stupid rendezvous

(19:00) supreme dream queen: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
(19:00) supreme dream queen: shirabu ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(19:00) NaCl: no

(19:00) supreme dream queen: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
(19:00) supreme dream queen: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
(19:00) supreme dream queen: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(19:00) NaCl: ugh fine  
(19:00) NaCl: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(19:00) supreme dream queen: i can die happy now ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(19:00) mr. director: shut up

(19:01) supreme dream queen: well hello to you too

(19:01) NaCl: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(19:01) supreme dream queen: i love you shirabu

(19:01) mr. director: i don't think your boyfriend would appreciate you telling him that

(19:01) NaCl: same

(19:01) mr. director’s name has been changed to mommy

(19:01) mommy: are you a dunce

(19:01) supreme dream queen: did ennoshita just call me a dunce  
(19:01) supreme dream: 

(19:01) mommy: if miya is daddy, then akaashi has to be mommy, you dummy

(19:01) mommy’s name has been changed to ennoshita  
(19:01) Akaashi Keiji’s name has been changed to Mommy

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(21:13) Mommy: Why?

(21:13) ennoshita: i ship it

(21:14) hohohoshiumi: same  
(21:14) hohohoshiumi: miya is so whipped lmao

(21:14) Mommy: We barely even talk.

(21:14) hohohoshiumi: he still texts me about how pretty and smart and hot and wonderful you are  
(21:14) hohohoshiumi: his words not mine pls dnt throw me into a dumpster

(21:14) Mommy: Okay then.

(21:14) Daddy: hoshiumi did you just fuckinf out me

(21:14) hohohoshiumi: i meannn evry1 knew

(21:14) hohohoshiumi’s name has been changed to halfpint

(21:15) halfpint: :(((

(21:15) Daddy: ((((:

(21:15) ennoshita: miya that is creepy  
(21:15) ennoshita: also stop texting kageyama at practice. it's annoying when he stops to check his phone  
(21:15) ennoshita: and it makes hinata jealous and angry

(21:15) Daddy: who

(21:15) Mommy: “Chibi-chan.”

(21:15) Daddy: ohh lol

(21:15) halfpint: i hope you see chibichan at nationals again and he slays you you heightist motherfucker

(21:16) Daddy: come on lighten up  
(21:16) Daddy: also i will text my precious tobiokun whenever i want to

(21:16) ennoshita: if you continue to upset my child (chibi-chan), i will get my goons to bring me your head on a stick

(21:16) Daddy: who are ur goons lmao

(21:16) ennoshita: do you want to find out?

(21:16) Daddy: yknow what on second though nevermind i never said anything i never sent any texts to tobiokun  
(21:16) Daddy: who is tobio kun? i surely don't know

(21:16) ennoshita: good

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(6:43) spice daddy: Attached image  
(6:43) spice daddy: it’s ur bf shirabooboo

(6:43) NaCl: shut up

(6:43) spice daddy: are u excited for ur date in two days

(6:43) NaCl: nervous

(6:43) spice daddy: youll live

(6:43) NaCl: idk

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(11:35) HARAMBE: ENNOSHITA  
(11:35) HARAMBE: TELL TANAKA OUR STREAK IS ABOUT TO ENF  
(11:35) HARAMBE: PLS  
(11:36) HARAMBE: WE FIBALLY MADE IT TO 200

(11:36) ennoshita: we aren't in the same class

(11:36) HARAMBE: TEXT NOYA TO WAIE HIM UP OR WHATEVR BC HE WONT ANSWER MY SNAPSS

(11:36) ennoshita: okay but nishinoya is probably asleep too

(11:40) HARAMBE: THANK ENNOSHITA I AM FOREVER IN UR DEBT

(11:40) ennoshita: okay

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(16:07) halfpint: guys  
(16:07) halfpint: how do you get your teammates to listen to you

(16:08) ennoshita: meatbuns

(16:12) Yahaba: jolly ranchers

(16:12) NaCl: the threat of extra suicides

(16:12) spice daddy: demanding attention

(16:13) halfpint: thanks

(16:13) spice daddy: anytime my funsized friend

(16:13) halfpint: okay die

(16:32) Daddy:ヽ( ★Д★)人(★Д★ )ﾉ

(16:33) spice daddy: ヽ( ★Д★)人(★Д★ )ﾉ

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(18:37) ennoshita: yahaba

(18:38) Yahaba: Hmm?

(18:38) ennoshita: did you know that the second years have a group chat

(18:38) Yahaba: What do you mean

(18:38) ennoshita: kageyama hinata yamaguchi and tsukki are in a group chat with kunimi and kindaichi

(18:38) Yahaba: Oh right  
(18:38) Yahaba: I hate that chat

(18:38) ennoshita: why

(18:38) Yahaba: Kunimi keeps texting when he's supposed to be practicing  
(18:38) Yahaba: He’s so lazy  
(18:38) Yahaba: And Kindaichi doesn't even try to stop him even if I tell him to  
(18:39) Yahaba: And I’d feel like a jerk if I threatened a poor second year

(18:39) ennoshita: they deserve it  
(18:39) ennoshita: i felt no shame taking their phones away

(18:39) Yahaba: I guess I’ll do that next practice

(18:39) ennoshita: good

(18:39) Yahaba: When is our next practice match

(18:39) ennoshita: next thursday

(18:39) Yahaba: Let’s not let Tsukishima and Kunimi talk to each other during the match

(18:40) ennoshita: yes they are irritatingly lethargic when together

(18:40) Yahaba: Ikr

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(22:19) #1: Hello  
(22:19) #1: This may not be appropriate to ask  
(22:19) #1: When do you know it is okay to say “I love you?”

(22:19) Daddy: i’m glad ur opening up to us sakusa

(22:19) #1: Okay

(22:19) Daddy: whenever u feel like it

(22:20) #1: What if saying it ruins the relationship?

(22:20) Daddy: idk that would rly suck

(22:20) #1: Okay

(22:20) Daddy: tell komori u love him bc he deserves it

(22:20) #1: Do you think he wants me to?

(22:20) Daddy: yes

(22:20) #1: Okay, goodbye

(22:20) Daddy: bye bye

(22:20) HARAMBE: that was really sweet

(22:20) Daddy: ikr

(22:20) HARAMBE’s name has been changed to everything nice

(22:20) everything nice: wut

(22:20) ennoshita: tanaka wanted me to change your name

(22:21) everything nice: y

(22:21) ennoshita: because nishinoyas name is now sugar and tanakas is spice

(22:21) everything nice: pls excuse me

(22:21) ennoshita: how was your day miya

(22:21) Daddy: boring hbu

(22:21) ennoshita: i can't even think of an adjective to describe it

(22:21) NaCl: same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just under a year ago, I used to think fanfic was the weirdest/stupidest thing in the world and that I would never even read it, much less write it. Oh, how I've changed.
> 
> Akaashi is now Mommy  
> Ennoshita is ennoshita  
> Hoshiumi is halfpint  
> Yamamoto is everything nice 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. im glad wve reached harmony

(13:07) Daddy: what do u guys do in ur free time

(13:07) Mommy: Shouldn't you be in class?

(13:07) Daddy: shouldn't you

(13:07) Mommy: I am in class.

(13:07) Daddy: well i'm in the bathroom BUT that doesn't matter

(13:07) Mommy: I play volleyball.

(13:07) Daddy: i meant when you're not playing volleyball or studying

(13:08) Mommy: I text you or Bokuto-san.

(13:08) Daddy: is that it

(13:08) Mommy: Sometimes I spend time with the team manager.

(13:08) Daddy: doing?

(13:08) Mommy: We went shopping recently.

(13:08) Daddy: do you think it's weird that i started a garden

(13:08) #1: I also garden

(13:08) Daddy: fr

(13:08) Mommy: Gardening sounds nice.

(13:08) Daddy: i saw a pic of ushiwakas on instagram and i was like i need one

(13:08) #1: Wakatoshi is the reason that I began gardening as well.

(13:08) Daddy: omg  
(13:09) Daddy: last weekend my teammates were walking around the neighborhood while i was gardening and they saw me in my overalls with my shovel and watering can and now they won't stop making fun of me

(13:09) Mommy: I would make fun of you, too.

(13:09) Daddy: you’re really lucky that you’re cute

(13:09) Mommy: What if I wasn't?

(13:09) Daddy: idk

(13:09) Mommy: Go back to class.

(13:09) Daddy: stop texting in class

(13:09) Mommy: Bye.

(13:09) Daddy: noSTAY

(13:09) Mommy: What?

(13:09) Daddy: wanna hang out this weekend

(13:09) Mommy: Aren't train tickets from Osaka to Tokyo and vice versa rather expensive?

(13:10) Daddy: yeah but who cares

(13:10) Mommy: I am not leaving Tokyo.

(13:10) Daddy: my parents are out of town til tuesday so can i stay the night at ur place on saturday

(13:10) Mommy: My parent is out of town until next Friday, but okay.

(13:10) Daddy: w/e i just don't wanna be alone this weekend

(13:10) Mommy: Lol okay.

(13:10) Daddy: okay i practice on saturday til 12 so i will come over around 7pm

(13:10) Mommy: Okay.

(13:10) Daddy: i gtg back to class before they think something’s wrong with me ttyl

(13:11) Mommy: Bye.

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(15:07) halfpint: did they just plan a date

(15:07) ennoshita: my ship has sailed

(15:07) everything nice: would you like to place wagers for how long it takes them to get together

(15:07) Yahaba: You better believe that I do

(15:07) everything nice: 8 weeks ¥5000

(15:07) Yahaba: 6 weeks

(15:08) halfpint: 10 weeks

(15:08) ennoshita: 2 weeks

(15:08) NaCl: 4

(15:08) supreme dream queen: 3

(15:08) Daddy: CAN YOU NOT

(15:08) spice daddy: 5 weeks

(15:08) ennoshita: we all have to give ¥5000 to whoever wins

(15:08) Mommy: Ennoshita-san, I thought you were a good egg.

(15:08) ennoshita: i’m sorry akaashi-san

(15:09) halfpint: sakusa r u gonna bet

(15:09) #1: No

(15:09) halfpint: boring

(15:09) Daddy: R U KIDDING ME UR LITERALLY ASKING HIM TO BET WHEN IM IN THE FRICKIN CHAT

(15:09) Mommy: What happens if we never get together?

(15:09) Daddy: i will cry

(15:09) ennoshita: if they take more than 11 weeks we rebet

(15:09) Daddy: you know what  
(15:09) Daddy: i can’t even find it in me to threaten you ennoshita

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(23:07) Yahaba: Are you still on your date, Shirabu?

(23:08) NaCl: no  
(23:08) NaCl: i can’t believe you just called me by my name

(23:08) Yahaba: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
(23:08) Yahaba: How did it go?

(23:08) NaCl: idk  
(23:08) NaCl: but i know i’m gay now

(23:08) everything nice: ah whats that smell in the air  
(23:08) everything nice: sniff sniff  
(23:08) everything nice: acceptance

(23:08) NaCl: i honestly have nothing to say to that

(23:08) Yahaba: Never change, Yamamoto

(23:09) NaCl: our dinner was nice we just caught up with each other’s lives and the basic stuff  
(23:09) NaCl: he looked really cute  
(23:09) NaCl: he had on a nice button down and pants that weren't too tight but they weren't too loose and they fit his butt perfectly  
(23:09) NaCl: i really shouldn't have told you that because i know you're going to screenshot it

(23:09) Yahaba: Screenshotted

(23:09) everything nice: same

(23:09) NaCl: anyways he seemed happy  
(23:09) NaCl: i didn’t ask about the um sure thing because i didn't want to sound clingy or weird

(23:09) Yahaba: But you're both of those things

(23:09) NaCl: shut up  
(23:09) NaCl: after dinner we went for a 15 min walk to an ice cream parlor  
(23:09) NaCl: he told me about his studies and i told him about volleyball  
(23:10) NaCl: i was too shy to hold his hand but whatever

(23:10) Yahaba: That’s adorable

(23:10) NaCl: and he ate ice cream provocatively and i wanted to die  
(23:10) NaCl: but i pretended not to notice

(23:10) everything nice: relatable

(23:10) NaCl: lol  
(23:10) NaCl: then we scheduled another date next weekend

(23:10) Yahaba: I am glad it went well

(23:10) NaCl: thanks that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me

(23:10) everything nice: seeing you guys being nice to each other is so cute

(23:10) Yahaba: I wonder how Akaashi and Miya’s night is going

(23:10) everything nice: do u think they're home alone together

(23:11) NaCl: probably

(23:11) everything nice: i highkey want to go cockblock

(23:11) Yahaba: Please do

(23:11) NaCl: you guys are taking the stupid bet too seriously

(23:11) everything nice: ¥5000 is ¥5000 my friend

(23:11) NaCl: you have rendered me speechless again

(23:11) Yahaba: Didn't you just say that

(23:11) NaCl: i typed it

(23:11) Yahaba: Dumbass

(23:11) NaCl: bitch

(23:11) Yahaba: Dick

(23:11) NaCl: see you next tuesday whore

(23:11) Yahaba: Excuse you

(23:12) everything nice: are u about to do that thing where send insults back and forth until one of u gives up

(23:12) NaCl: no i’m tired

(23:12) Yahaba: Same

(23:12) NaCl: goodnight

(23:12) everything nice: night night

(23:12) Yahaba: Goodnight

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

(23:17) supreme dream queen: damn it why do you guys have to do the juicy gossip while i'm frickin reading

(23:18) halfpint: you read??

(23:18) supreme dream queen: yknow what hoshiumi

(23:18) halfpint: “die”

(23:18) supreme dream queen: …  
(23:18) supreme dream queen: double die

(23:18) spice daddy: guys  
(23:18) spice daddy: i am going to try monogamy

(23:18) supreme dream queen: wow congratulations you're going to be like a normal person oh my

(23:18) halfpint: lolll

(23:18) spice daddy: whats got your panties in a twist

(23:19) supreme dream queen: my boyfriend

(23:19) spice daddy: what

(23:19) supreme dream queen: my boyfriend is annoying me while i'm trying to read  
(23:19) supreme dream queen: and you people think i don't read

(23:19) halfpint: it was an honest mistake i sweecd  
(23:19) halfpint: swear*

(23:19) supreme dream queen: weecd

(23:19) spice daddy: w e e c d

(23:19) halfpint: w e e c

(23:19) supreme dream queen: w e e

(23:19) spice daddy: w e e d

(23:20) halfpint: im glad wve reached harmony

(23:20) spice daddy: same

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(23:57) Daddy: bless

(23:57) halfpint: wat

(23:57) Daddy: i was just smacked by akaashi keiji

(23:57) supreme dream queen: hot

(23:57) Daddy: ikrrrrr  
(23:57) Daddy: i rly wanna hug him  
(23:57) Daddy: but i also kinda don’t want him to kick me

(23:57) halfpint: hug him anyways

(23:58) Daddy: k ttyl

(23:58) halfpint: have fun kiddo  
(23:58) halfpint: they grow up so fast :’)

(23:58) supreme dream queen: ikr :’)

(23:58) halfpint: young love is sweet

(23:58) supreme dream queen: as sugar

(00:17) Daddy: he kicked me but #noregrets

(00:17) supreme dream queen: same

  
✿✿✿✿✿✿

 

(01:13) everything nice: since ur in tokyo wanna hang out tomorrow

(01:13) Daddy: ofc

(01:14) Mommy: Go to sleep.

(01:14) Daddy: can i sleep on the bed with you

(01:14) Mommy: No.

(01:14) everything nice: are u sleeping on the floor

(01:14) Daddy: yes :(

(01:14) everything nice: same

(01:14) Daddy: please keiji :(

(01:14) Mommy: I told you not to call me by my given name.

(01:14) Daddy: but it’s just so cute

(01:15) everything nice: miya keiji

(01:15) Daddy: omg  
(01:15) Daddy: keiji what do u think

(01:15) Mommy: I think I’m going to block both of you.

(01:15) Daddy: fine what about akaashi atsumu

(01:15) Mommy: Miya.

(01:15) Daddy: yes baby

(01:15) everything nice: time to leave mommy and daddy are fighting

(01:15) Mommy: If you ever call me baby again I will actually take you out into an alleyway and throw you into a dumpster; yes, even at one in the morning.  
(01:16) Mommy: I would prefer that you to call me Miya Keiji rather than baby.

(01:16) Daddy: understood, keiji

(01:16) Mommy: I forgot what I was going to tell you.

(01:16) Daddy: that i can sleep with you  
(01:16) Daddy: also ur so frickin cute when ur sleepy omg

(01:16) Mommy: No.

(01:16) Daddy: pls

(01:16) Mommy: No.

(01:16) Daddy: what if i waited until you fell asleep and then crawled into ur bed and u woke up next to me

(01:17) Mommy: I do not know what I would do.

(01:17) Daddy: can i

(01:17) Mommy: You can do anything humanly possible, but there will always be repercussions.

(01:17) Daddy: ur so supportive

(01:17) Mommy: Why are we texting when you are a few feet away from me?

(01:17) Daddy: idk lol wanna make out

(01:17) Mommy: Miya, are you mentally impaired?

(01:17) Daddy: u make me dumb

(01:17) Mommy: You make me want to die.

(01:18) Daddy: oh  
(01:18) Daddy: mY  
(01:18) Daddy: GOD

(01:18) Mommy: What?

(01:18) Daddy: UR BLUSHING  
(01:18) Daddy: KEIJI  
(01:18) Daddy: KEIJI

(01:18) Mommy: Go to sleep.

(01:18) Daddy: IM COMING UP THERE  
(01:18) Daddy: U CAN KICK ME BUT IM GONNA STAY I PROMISE U

(01:18) Mommy: Please stop. This is sexual harassddddm

(01:18) everything nice: GET IT MIYA

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(09:34) Daddy: _Attached image_  
(09:34) Daddy: look at him  
(09:34) Daddy: hes asleep  
(09:34) Daddy: i have never seen anything so beautiful  
(09:34) Daddy: i can die in peace

(09:37) Yahaba: I was going to send a picture of my sleeping boyfriend and say same, but he actually looks kind of like a wild dog

(09:37) Daddy: pic

(09:37) Yahaba: _Attached image_

(09:37) Daddy: he's p cute

(09:37) Yahaba: I thought I was the only one lol

(09:37) Daddy: is he wearing eyeliner

(09:37) Yahaba: Yeah…

(09:38) Daddy: lmao  
(09:38) Daddy: didn't know you were into that

(09:38) Yahaba: Shut up

(09:38) halfpint: guys its like way 2 early o clock

(09:38) Daddy: hush hoshiumi we’re discussing how cute our love interests are and you're not invited

(09:38) halfpint: yknow what wanna die

(09:38) Daddy: no

(09:38) Yahaba: Same  
  
(09:38) halfpint: miya i am going to kill you at nationals

(09:39) Daddy: what are u gonna do  
(09:39) Daddy: headbutt my crotch

(09:39) halfpint: IM NOT THAT SHORT

(09:39) Yahaba: I want to make nationals just to see him headbutt your crotch now

(09:39) halfpint: GLAD TO PROVIDE U INCENTIVE TO WIN

(09:39) Daddy: same  
(09:39) Daddy: gtg mommy is awake

(09:39) halfpint: did u srslyjust

(09:39) Yahaba: “mommy”

(09:39) halfpint: i xant

(09:40) Yahaba: Disgusting

(09:40) NaCl: it’s way too early o’clock to be calling people disgusting, yahabitch

(09:40) Yahaba: I honestly have no come back right now

(09:40) NaCl: gni’m going back to sleep

(09:40) Yahaba: Goodnight

(09:40) halfpint: DID u mean good MORNING

(09:40) NaCl: bye

(09:40) Yahaba: Bye

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(12:32) Yahaba’s name has been changed to Yahabitch

(12:32) Yahabitch: Who  
(12:32) Yahabitch: Why

(12:32) everything nice: miya did it

(12:33) Daddy: did u just out me

(12:33) everything nice: isnt outing someone revealing that theyre is gay

(12:33) Daddy: shirabu made me

(12:33) Yahabitch: You are lucky that I don't know where you live

(12:33) NaCl: or how to change a skype name

(12:33) Mommy: Do you want his address?

(12:33) Daddy: keiji

(12:33) Yahabitch: Yes

(12:34) Mommy: Okay, give me a second to find it.

(12:34) Daddy: please don't

(12:34) Mommy: I will dm you, Yahaba.

(12:34) Daddy: akaashi-san :(

(12:34) Yahabitch: Thank you, Akaashi

(12:34) everything nice: did u really thnk rhat calling akaashi akaashisan would make gim stop olool

(12:34) Daddy: you really suck at typing

(12:34) everything nice: wanna meet at the mall in 15

(12:35) Daddy: i haven’t done my hair yet  
(12:35) Daddy: how about in 30 mins

(12:35) everything nice: does it srsly take u 15 mins to do ur hair

(12:35) Daddy: excuse me i thought this was a judgmentalness-free chat

(12:35) NaCl: it’s not

(12:35) Daddy: i have no words

(12:35) everything nice: ^

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(14:07) everything nice: _Attached image_  
(14:07) everything nice: LOOK WHO WE RAN INTO AT THE MALL

(14:07) spice daddy: is that sakusa

(14:07) everything nice: YEAH  
(14:07) everything nice: HES VISIBLY CRINGING

(14:07) spice daddy: LOL

(14:07) everything nice: KOMORI IS THANKING US FOR BEING FRIENDS WITH HIM OHMYGDO

(14:07) spice daddy: VIDEO CHAT

(14:08) supreme dream queen: i wanna join

(14:08) everything nice: K

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
“It’s lit,” Futakuchi said in a low, unenthusiastic voice.

“Hey,” Terushima dragged out the one syllable of the word and had a big smile on his face. “Where's Yams?”

“Did you just call him Yams?” Futakuchi chuckled and then took notice of his t-shirt that said “Taco Tuesday” but decided not to comment on the fact that it was Sunday.

Yamamoto turned on his camera to reveal Sakusa’s miserable face and Yamamoto’s arm around his shoulder. Komori was happily making small talk with Akaashi and Miya in the background. “Sorry, guys, I didn't know how to turn on the camera at first.”

“Yo,” Futakuchi smiled while looking at his friends.

“You okay there, Sakusa?” Terushima toothily grinned.

“I hate malls,” Sakusa said quietly, “and I hate being on camera.”

“Well, then I’ll just take you out of the frame, buddy!” Yamamoto shifted his phone’s camera so that his face took up 80% of the frame, and his smile was beaming.

“Why are we calling again?” Sakusa pouted although only Yamamoto could see now.

“I truly do not know,” Terushima said rather eloquently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want a one-shot of whatever it is that Akaashi and Miya did say aye


	7. little me with a cake face

  
(17:53) supreme dream queen: _Attached image_  
(17:53) supreme dream queen: guess who just got a puppy

(17:53) spice daddy: u

(17:53) supreme dream queen: i wish

(17:53) spice daddy: then whose is it

(17:53) supreme dream queen: my sister’s

(17:53) spice daddy: so basically it’s urs

(17:54) supreme dream queen: she told me i can't play with it without her permission  
(17:54) supreme dream queen: and if i do she won't talk to me for an entire week again

(17:54) spice daddy: ur sister is mean

(17:54) supreme dream queen: ya she's still upset that i asked her bf about his subway surfers high score and proceeded to make fun of it lmao

(17:54) spice daddy: LOL

(17:54) supreme dream queen: but isn't it adorable

(17:54) spice daddy: adorbs

(17:54) halfpint: Attached image  
(17:54) halfpint: i wish i had a puppy

(17:55) spice daddy: is that a rabbit

(17:55) halfpint: ya but i call her a bunny bc it sounds cuter

(17:55) supreme dream queen: she looks lonely

(17:55) halfpint: she had a brother  
(17:55) halfpint: they had frickin incest

(17:55) spice daddy: wtf

(17:55) halfpint: i gave away the daddy and the babies in case another incident happened

(17:55) supreme dream queen: o

(17:55) spice daddy: i want a bunny

(17:55) halfpint: im sry i wouldve given u one if i knew u at the time

(17:56) supreme dream queen: if pete ever decides to have babies i will give u guys some

(17:56) halfpint: ily

(17:56) spice daddy: <3

(17:56) supreme dream queen: love u guys too

(17:56) spice daddy: bunnies are honestly the cutest little things i rly want one

(17:56) halfpint: 

(17:56) supreme dream queen: omg so cute

(17:56) spice daddy: btw what kind of name for a puppy is pete

(17:56) supreme dream queen: idk want me to add my sister to the chat so u can ask her

(17:57) halfpint: would u

(17:57) supreme dream queen: yeah y not lol

(17:57) supreme dream queen has added futacutie to the chat

(17:57) supreme dream queen: hi ayame my friends have a question for u

(17:57) futacutie: what

(17:57) halfpint: y is ur puppy named pete

(17:57) spice daddy: is that a foreign name or something

(17:57) futacutie: i heard it on tv and rhought it was cute

(17:57) halfpint: makes sense

(17:57) supreme dream queen: thx bye

(17:57) supreme dream queen has removed futacutie from the chat

(17:58) spice daddy: ur sister is so adorable

(17:58) supreme dream queen: and mean

(17:58) halfpint: all children are precious futakuchi

(17:58) supreme dream queen: she is a teenager now :(

(17:58) spice daddy: wanna share embarrassing sibling stories

(17:58) halfpint: YAS

(17:58) supreme dream queen: lmao  
(17:58) supreme dream queen: sure why not

(17:58) spice daddy: i have 3 older sisters and they used to dress me up in girl clothes and put makeup on me when i was little

(17:58) supreme dream queen: my sister binge watches american reality tv saying it helps her english

(17:58) halfpint: my brother had ice cream for the 1st time and threw up on my head when he was 5 months old

(17:59) spice daddy: i am dying

(17:59) supreme dream queen: same

(17:59) halfpint: _Attached image_  
(17:59) halfpint: my sister drew a sketch of it  
(17:59) halfpint: my mom hung it on the fridge

(17:59) spice daddy: _Attached image_  
(17:59) spice daddy: theres a pic of little me with a cake face

(17:59) supreme dream queen: omg u were so cute what happened

(17:59) halfpint: ADORABLW

(17:59) supreme dream queen: Attached image  
(17:59) supreme dream queen: that's my sister crying bc she didn't get a pony for her 5th bday

(18:00) spice daddy: same

(18:00) halfpint: relatable

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(22:37) everything nice: youre on the phone with ur girlfriend

(22:37) halfpint: shes upset

(22:37) everything nice: shes going off about something that u said

(22:37) halfpint: because she doesnt get ur humor like i do

(22:38) everything nice: im in my room

(22:38) halfpint: its a typical tuesday night

(22:38) everything nice: im listening to the kind of music she doesnt like

(22:38) halfpint: she ll never know ur story like i do

(22:38) everything nice: but she wears short skirts

(22:38) halfpint: i wear tshirts

(22:38) everything nice: shes cheer captain

(22:38) halfpint: and im on the bleachers

(22:38) everything nice: dreaming about the day when u wake up

(22:38) halfpint: and find that what ur looking for has been here the whole time

(22:39) everything nice: that was fun

(22:39) halfpint: ikr

(22:39) everything nice: who else do u listen to

(22:39) halfpint: i cant think about who else rn idk

(22:39) everything nice: what genres do u listen to

(22:39) halfpint: pop sometimes alternative and rap

(22:39) everything nice: lamborghini mercy

(22:39) halfpint: yo chick shes so thirsty

(22:39) everything nice: marry me

(22:39) halfpint: <3

(22:40) ennoshita: hello everyone would you like to place a wager on when halfpint and yamamoto start dating

(22:40) spice daddy: fuck yes

(22:40) supreme dream queen: 2 weeks ¥5500

(22:40) spice daddy: 1 week

(22:40) ennoshita: 2.5 weeks

(22:40) halfpint: wtf

(22:40) Mommy: 10 days

(22:40) Daddy: 5 days

(22:40) Yahabitch: 3 weeks

(22:40) NaCl: 1.5weeks

(22:40) ennoshita: i am assuming that sakusa doesn’t want to bet again so all bets are final and if they don't get together after 4 weeks we rebet

(22:40) everything nice: now i know how miya felt

(22:40) halfpint: ur gonna have to rebet forever bc we arent getting together

(22:40) Daddy: only time will tell

(22:41) everything nice: die

 

✿✿✿✿✿

  
(18:47) Daddy: guys what are high school parties like

(18:48) Yahaba: Have you never been to a party before

(18:48) Daddy: no and the team was just invited to one on friday and im rly nervous

(18:48) Yahaba: There will be alcohol, sex, and drugs

(18:48) Daddy: oh boy

(18:48) NaCl: honestly miya i would have thought that you’ve been to several parties

(18:48) Daddy: i never go to them when ppl invite me but my entire team is going to this one and i don't wanna abandon them

(18:48) Yahaba: You’ll probably have fun

(18:48) NaCl: yeah you look like a party boy

(18:48) Daddy: idk if i should be offended or not

(18:49) Yahaba: Probably because we’re implying that you look like a fuckboy

(18:49) Daddy: offense taken wow

(18:49) NaCl: just don't take drinks from strangers or like anyone but yourself to be honest

(18:49) Daddy: ugh i’m nervous

(18:49) Yahaba: Save your nervousness for Friday

(18:49) Daddy: :(  
(18:49) Daddy: what does being intoxicated feel like

(18:49) Yahaba: I couldn't tell you

(18:49) NaCl: well after one drink i was began to feel more relaxed

(18:50) Yahaba: Was that your only time drinking

(18:50) NaCl: no i had a few after that  
(18:50) NaCl: they were all during the same night though

(18:50) Daddy: relaxation does not sound bad

(18:50) NaCl: then i was completely calm after half of the second

(18:50) NaCl: when i finished it everyone became beautiful, and i felt a little dizzy  
(18:50) NaCl: after a third i loved everyone  
(18:50) NaCl: then i blacked out after the fourth

(18:50) Daddy: that sounds kind of scary

(18:50) NaCl: it is if you have trust issues

(18:51) Yahaba: Don’t drink

(18:51) NaCl: and don't eat those fucking “space cookies”

(18:51) Yahaba: Did you have a space cookie, Shiradumbdumb?

(18:51) NaCl: shiradumbdumb  
(18:51) NaCl: i’m not even mad  
(18:51) NaCl: no i didn't actually

(18:51) Daddy: what's a space cookie

(18:51) Yahaba: A marijuana cookie

(18:51) NaCl: actually, just don't put anything from the party in your mouth at all

(18:51) Daddy: what if it's a penis or tongue

(18:51) Yahaba: remember that it isn't akaashi’s

(18:51) Daddy: oh right

(18:51) NaCl: gtg study ttyl guys

(18:51) Yahaba: later

(18:51) Daddy: bye bye

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(23:07) halfpint: <https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KjsjUdPOyk4>  
(23:07) halfpint: what i think about in calculus

(23:09) Mommy: I just watched it four times.

(23:09) halfpint: i love that video so much

(23:10) Mommy: I never thought I would be so easily entertained before.

(23:10) halfpint: bc itshilarious

(23:10) Mommy: I just sent it to all of my contacts.

(23:10) halfpint: omg

(23:10) Mommy: I cannot express to you how much I enjoyed the video.

(23:10) #1: Its face is terrifying

(23:10) Mommy: That is what makes it so fascinating.

(23:10) halfpint: sakusa since when are u awake past 10pm

(23:10) #1: I was watching a volleyball match

(23:10) halfpint: well that makes ssnse

(23:10) #1: Goodnight now

(23:11) Mommy: Goodnight, Sakusa-san.

(23:11) halfpint: gn my friends im bout to pass ouf

(23:11) Mommy: Goodnight, Hoshiumi-san.

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(18:49) everything nice: when did u guys have ur first kiss

(18:49) Daddy: 9

(18:49) everything nice: i mean a real one like not elementary school

(18:49) Daddy: 13

(18:49) everything nice: ive never kissed anyone bwfore

(18:50) Daddy: that’s cute

(18:50) everything nice: idk what to do

(18:50) Daddy: wym

(18:50) everything nice: should i wait for it to be meaningful or wat

(18:50) Daddy: i mean you’ve already waited what 17 yrs so why not

(18:50) everything nice: ok  
(18:50) everything nice: thx

(18:50) Daddy: np lol

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(22:33) NaCl: hi  
(22:33) NaCl: how r u

(22:33) Mommy: Hello, I am okay. How are you?

(22:33) NaCl: sad

(22:33) Mommy: What’s wrong?

(22:33) NaCl: someone ate my cookies  
(22:33) NaCl: i am upset

(22:34) Mommy: I’m sorry to hear that, Shirabu-san.

(22:34) NaCl: thank youu akaashi-san  
(22:34) NaCl: pls excuse my poor typing skills im devastated rn and i mightve accidentally eaten a space cookie thinking it was mine

(22:34) Mommy: Okay lol.

(22:34) NaCl: i am going to trip whoever ate my cookies

(22:34) Mommy: Just make sure you don't get caught.

(22:34) NaCl: i will be careful

(22:34) Mommy: Good. Scan your surroundings for administrative personnel, witnesses, and cameras before you do anything.

(22:35) NaCl: have u ever done something bad in school before akaashi-san

(22:35) Mommy: Yes.

(22:35) NaCl: waht did u do

(22:35) Mommy: I assaulted someone.

(22:35) NaCl: like how far lmao

(22:35) Mommy: I knocked him out.

(22:35) NaCl: and u didn't get caught

(22:35) Mommy: Well, no one was nearby, and there were no cameras in the stairwell, so yes, I didn't get caught.

(22:36) NaCl: i feel oddly proud of u

(22:36) Mommy: It was rather annoying to do to be completely honest. He had irritated me a couple of months ago, and I had to wait until I had the perfect opportunity to hit him. At last, I did have the perfect opportunity, so I punched him. Then I didn't know what to do. I left him in the corner under the stairs on the bottom floor. That was during my first year.

(22:36) NaCl: i didn't think you were the type to hold onto grudges lol

(22:36) Mommy: I’m not, but he was rude to Bokuto-san. I just cannot tolerate that.

(22:36) NaCl: cute lol

(22:37) Mommy: Sometimes I feel bad for what I did to him and another child in elementary school and another in middle school.

(22:37) NaCl: whatever they probably deserved it

(22:37) Mommy: Yeah.  
(22:37) Mommy: Have you ever thought about the saying, “violence is never the answer?”

(22:37) NaCl: nah i've never hit anyone outside of volleyball tbh

(22:37) Mommy: I wonder if it's possible to teach someone a lesson that sticks without violence.

(22:37) NaCl: probably but it’d also be a lot harder

(22:37) Mommy: I suppose violence is a quick and easy way to go as long as you know you won't kill the victim or hurt him severely, that is.

(22:38) NaCl: yeah leaving a mark big enough for other people to notice isn't a viable option unless said victim has done the same to you

(22:38) Mommy: I think we should try yoga.

(22:38) NaCl: what

(22:38) Mommy: I want to be able to stay calm and be less annoyed at every little thing, so I’m not unnecessarily violent or cold.

(22:38) NaCl: kawanishi told me to do yoga when i told our opposing team to eat shit

(22:38) Mommy: That’s kind of cute.

(22:38) NaCl: telling people to eat shit? lmao

(22:38) Mommy: I find it endearing coming from you.

(22:38) NaCl: you've got some weird kinks my friend

(22:38) Mommy: I guess so.

(22:39) NaCl: i think im gonna pass out

(22:39) Mommy: Okay, goodnight, and don't eat anymore space cookies.

(22:39) NaCl: gn akaasjisan i’lltry not 2

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(23:47) spice daddy: an eye for an eye would leave the entire world blind

(23:47) Yahaba: Is anyone else bothered by the fact that Terushima said something wise

(23:48) everything nice: yes

(23:48) spice daddy: im actually very intelligent thx

(23:48) everything nice: intelligent yes but wise?

(23:48) Yahaba: ^

(23:48) spice daddy: i just read a gandhi passage okay

(23:48) Yahaba: And he reads, too

(23:48) everything nice: this is amazing

(23:48) spice daddy: bYE

  
✿✿✿✿✿

  
(11:02) halfpint: goooood morningg!

(11:02) #1: Good morning, Hoshiumi

(11:03) halfpint: r u in class

(11:03) #1: No, I am at lunch

(11:03) halfpint: THIS EARLY?

(11:03) #1: Yes, my lunch hour changes from day to day because I have a rotating schedule

(11:03) halfpint: o  
(11:03) halfpint: i had that in jr high it was stupid

(11:03) #1: Yes, it is stupid

(11:03) halfpint: hows ur bae

(11:03) #1: What is “bae?”

(11:04) halfpint: im crying  
(11:04) halfpint: bae is short for babe

(11:04) #1: If you’re referring to Komori, he's fine

(11:04) halfpint: tell him hoshiumi says hi

(11:04) #1: He said, “hey!”

(11:04) halfpint: hes so cute

(11:04) #1: He is

(11:04) halfpint: how was ur morning

(11:05) #1: Incredibly boring

(11:05) halfpint: same  
(11:05) halfpint: i heard there’s a snake party in tokyo this weekend and that itachiyama vbc is invited

(11:05) #1: Nohebi is holding a party

(11:05) halfpint: r u going

(11:05) #1: What do you think?

(11:05) halfpint: pls go

(11:05) #1: No

(11:06) halfpint: pls i wanna go but idk anyone whos going

(11:06) #1: Don't go to a snake party, Hoshiumi. They're called snakes for a reason

(11:06) halfpint: is that y we dont have a snake in the group chat

(11:06) #1: I don't know

(11:06) halfpint: i wanna have fun

(11:06) #1: I am done talking about Kuguri’s party

(11:06) halfpint: isnt kuguri a second yr

(11:06) #1: Yes

(11:06) halfpint: do u think a second yrs party would be lit despite him being 5

(11:06) #1: He’s only one year younger than us, and never say “lit” again

(11:06) halfpint: lit

(11:07) everything nice: IM GOING TO RHE PARTY W TABAKA AND NISHINOYA WANNA COME

(11:07) #1: No

(11:07) halfpint: omg yes

(11:07) everything nice: sakusa u should come

(11:07) #1: No

(11:07) Mommy: Be careful there.

(11:07) halfpint: ur not coming?

(11:07) Mommy: I don't affiliate with serpentine drunkards.

(11:07) everything nice: this is why we love you

(11:07) Mommy: Thanks.

(11:07) halfpint: yw dear

(11:08) #1: Nevermind, I am attending the party briefly

(11:08) Mommy: Have fun, Sakusa-san.

(11:08) #1: Thank you, but we both know I won't

(11:08) everything nice: omg HES COMING

(11:08) halfpint: we will make sure he has fun

(11:08) #1: I'm going to stay in the least populated area; I don’t want to have your idea of fun

(11:08) everything nice: come on, live a little!!!

(11:08) halfpint: u should come too akaashi

(11:08) Mommy: I don't like the atmosphere of their parties.

(11:08) halfpint: you've been to one before?

(11:08) Mommy: Yes. Allow me to describe them in one long sentence.

(11:08) halfpint: kk

(11:09) Mommy: There is alcohol at every turn; almost none of the lights are on; students are grinding upon each other everywhere; the music blares through every room, even through the courtyard; students snort cocaine in the back; it smells like mary jane if you walk a little further down the backyard from the crackheads; if you go into the bathrooms, creeps standing by them try to sell you ecstasy; in every bedroom (there are five), there are students having sex, and usually the hosts are at the bar area.

(11:09) halfpint: that sounds equal parts scary and fun

(11:09) Mommy: Do not put anything that you are given into your mouth or nose.

(11:09) halfpint: understood

(11:09) everything nice: also understood

(11:09) #1: I am dreading going there

(11:09) Akaashi Keiji: Usually no one is on the balcony. You should stay there until Komori is ready to leave.

(11:09) #1: Okay

(11:09) everything nice: when sensei looks at u and u have to pretend like ur working

(11:09) halfpint: same  
(11:09) halfpint: gtg i have to take a test

(11:09) Mommy: Bye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so funny story i edited the entire chapter so i could post this the same minute i posted ch 6 but i didn't save it and had to redo everything lol 
> 
> double update bc no update next week since i have 2 projects due the monday following next weekend 
> 
> i started writing a bokuaka and a semishira but i just got a new hc for another fic #thestruggle


	8. Akamiya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short little akamiya chapter that corresponds with ch6 or 7 I honestly cannot remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry i didn't feel like making a series and putting it into a one shot so here 
> 
> Also u don't have to read this chapter if u don't want not that u would have to read any chapter but u know what I mean 
> 
> Also I didn't proofread forgive me I'm lazy

“Miya, why am I on your snapchat story?” Akaashi viewed it with eyebrows furrowed in concern.

The first picture was a profile view of him, and the caption said, “bad thing.” The second was a picture of him walking, with the eyes seeming to fall towards his waist, and the caption said, “fine as hell.” The third picture was Akaashi’s backside, particularly his ass and lower thighs, which Akaashi definitely did not see him take; the caption said, “thick as fuck.” Akaashi stopped viewing the story there.

“Delete it, Atsumu.”

“But you're so beautiful, and I just want to bless the world with your image.”

“Delete it,” Akaashi’s voice was firm and authoritative.

“Ugh, fine.” Miya opened his phone and deleted all except one picture. It was of him smiling, and Akaashi next to him, in a simple two-shot.

“Why did you keep one picture?”

“I saved it because it makes me happy, and it's going to be my lock screen.”

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

“Keiji, remember that time that you threw a volleyball at me, and I cried and told you I hated you and made it my personal goal to make first grade a living hell for you?”

Akaashi looked down from the couch to see the young man lying on the floor next to the coffe table. “You mean how we met when I made an honest mistake because I was bad at tossing as a six-year-old? Yeah, I do.” He rolled his eyes.

“I’m really sorry about that.” From the floor, Miya stared up into Akaashi’s slate-grey eyes.

“It doesn't matter anymore; we were six.”

“Do you know why I became a setter?” Miya asked lazily, his fingers twirling his own hair.

“I initially thought it was because you were good at setting, but I realize that it was because you wanted to be better than I was as you wanted to make my life 'a living hell.'”

“Sorry for being mean to you when we were in grade school.” Miya pouted and put his hands at his sides to help him sit up.

“Whatever.”

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

“Keiji, can I hug you?”

“No.”

Akaashi went stiff when Miya’s arms wrapped around his waist, and he felt Miya’s chest against his back.

“Get off of me.”

“But you're so warm and soft and beautiful.” With an idiotic feeling of resilience, Miya lowered his hands so that we were on Akaashi’s hips, and of course, Akaashi peeled his hands off, turned around, and smacked him. The red imprint stung Miya’s face. “That was hot.”

“Are you a masochist?”

“Yes,” Miya winked, and suddenly it made sense to Akaashi why Miya moaned when he kicked Miya earlier.

“Oh,” Akaashi said, and Miya could see it clicking in Akaashi's head. “That's really annoying.”

“Are you thinking out loud?” Miya laughed and placed his hands on Akaashi’s shoulders.

“I guess I was.” Akaashi placed his hands on top of Miya’s and stared into his eyes for a few seconds before peeling them off. The four seconds of contact meant more to Miya than he could fathom, and it meant something to Akaashi, too, to say the least.

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
Akaashi woke up with warmth against his back and heavy limbs wrapped around him. He sighed, but he really didn't feel like moving or moving Miya for that matter.

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
“Why does it take you so long to do your hair?” Akaashi complained while making eye contact with Miya’s reflection.

“I’m rushing, Keiji!” Miya said in distress, thinking about how it usually takes him 45 to 60 minutes to do his hair.

“Miya, it’s already been 16 minutes. You said, ‘15.’”

Miya continued to perfect his part, and he gave one last try to stick his hair in place before shrugging on his jacket and following Keiji to the mall.

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
“Is that Sakusa?” Yamamoto attempted to whisper into Miya’s ear, but his version of a whisper was audible to the people standing 13 feet away.

Akaashi fixed his eyes on a set of two tall young men, one with curly hair and another with thick eyebrows. “That's him.”

“You heard my whisper?!” Yamamoto said with disbelief, and Miya backed away from Yamamoto and his “whispers.”

“Yes. Do you want to go talk to them?” Without waiting for an answer, Akaashi headed towards the sportswear store that Sakusa and Komori were in.

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
“Thank you for adding Sakusa to your chat. He's been a little more outgoing. Okay, not really, but still.” Komori smiled at Miya and Akaashi then glanced towards Yamamoto (who was making Sakusa uncomfortable by putting his arm around his shoulder).

“The pleasure is all ours,” Akaashi answered, and Miya nodded in agreement.

“You guys make a cute couple,” Komori grinned while looking at them.

“Um, we —” Akaashi began but was cut off.

“Thank you!” Miya pulled Akaashi closer to him and wrapped his arm around Akaashi’s waist. “If you don’t mind me adding, you and Sakusa look perfect together!”

Akaashi tried his best to keep a straight face. God, he was trying so hard. It was very difficult to resist the urge to growl at Miya.

Miya beamed at Komori and turned to Akaashi. “Don't you think so, _Keiji_?”

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
“Is there anything you wanna say to me before I leave?” Miya smiled at Akaashi in the subway station.

“I hate you and goodbye.”

Miya’s lips curved downwards for a few seconds, but he still said, “Love you! Bye,” before waving to Akaashi and boarding the train.


	9. he explained to me how marijuana can kill someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THAT PICTURE HAS THE FRIEND CROSSED OUT AND REPLACED WITH ACQUAINTANCE SORRY IT IS HARD TO READ

(13:48) supreme dream queen: i forgot to stretch yesterday  
(13:48) supreme dream queen: the pain is unreal  
(13:48) supreme dream queen: also have fun at ur party

(13:48) spice daddy: hope u feel better dear

(13:48) supreme dream queen: ty love

(13:49) spice daddy: hows volley going

(13:49) supreme dream queen: p good hbu

(13:49) spice daddy: better than before lol

(13:49) supreme dream queen: good  
(13:49) supreme dream queen: oh my god my core hurts

(13:49) spice daddy: ill bring u icy hot where are u lol

(13:49) supreme dream queen: thank u u are an angel and i will be in the club room in 41 mins  
(13:49) supreme dream queen: also shouldn't u be in class

(13:49) spice daddy: i have upperclassmen privilege

(13:50) supreme dream queen: didn't ur mom say no to that

(13:50) spice daddy: i went to guidance to have it changed bc my senioritis was killing me and i would fail if i took another class

(13:50) supreme dream queen: fair enough

(13:50) spice daddy: brb gonna look for icy hot lol

(13:50) supreme dream queen: kk ty

(13:57) spice daddy: kk found it

(13:57) supreme dream queen: ily ur the real mvp

(13:57) spice daddy: mwah

(13:57) supreme dream queen: mwah

(13:58) spice daddy: that was so gay

(13:58) supreme dream queen: very

(13:58) spice daddy: i’ll drive over in like 15 mins

(13:58) supreme dream queen: kk

(13:58) spice daddy: bobata is having a party this saturday at 8 wanna come it’s open invite

(13:58) supreme dream queen: u bet ur ass im coming

(13:58) spice daddy: yay

(13:58) supreme dream queen: probably not for long though bc i’ll still be sore tomorrow

(13:58) spice daddy: it’s cool

(13:59) supreme dream queen: i hope yahaba shirabu and ennoshita come

(13:59) spice daddy: same

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(19:45) Daddy: guys we’re about to leave for that party i told u about earlier and i’m still really nervous and dying internally

(19:46) NaCl: you’ll survive

(19:46) Mommy: Have fun

(19:47) everything nice: why are ppl having parties this week

(19:47) Daddy: thanks, i’ll try, and it’s a birthday party

(19:47) everything nice: tell him i said happy birthday!!!

(19:47) Daddy: okay lol

(19:47) Mommy: To answer your question, Yamamoto, starting in April, Nohebi has a party every third Saturday of the month until the next January.

(19:47) everything nice: i must attend every one

(19:47) Daddy: isn't that expensive

(19:47) Mommy: I would assume so.

(19:48) Daddy: gtg teammates keep telling me to get off of my phone

(19:48) Mommy: Goodbye, Miya.

(19:48) Yahaba: When you check your phone twenty seconds too late

(19:48) Mommy: Lol

(19:48) Yahaba: Watching him go to his first party is like watching your child go to school for the first time

(19:48) Mommy: I suppose so.

(19:48) Yahaba: I hope he has a good time

(19:48) Mommy: Me, too.

(19:48) everything nice: anyways akaashi do u like him

(19:49) Mommy: As an acquaintance, yes.

(19:49) Yahaba: Not even friendzoned

(19:49) everything nice: 

(19:49) Yahaba: Have I ever told you that I love you?

(19:49) everything nice: ily2bro

(19:49) ennoshita: yahaba are you going to terushima’s friend’s party

(19:49) Yahaba: If I get bored,which I probably will, yes. How about you?

(19:49) ennoshita: i’m not sure since tanaka and nishinoya are going to tokyo for the nohebi party, and idk if kinoshita or narita will want to go

(19:50) Yahaba: I’ll probably have to go because Watari likes parties (shocker, I know), and he refuses to go alone

(19:50) ennoshita: okay i will force kinoshita or narita or both out for the evening

(19:50) Yahaba: Do you think Shirabu will come?

(19:50) ennoshita: shirabu-san  
(19:50) ennoshita: shirabu-san  
(19:50) ennoshita: shirabu-san

(19:50) Yahaba: Shitabu

(19:50) ennoshita: shirabu-san

(19:50) Yahaba: Shitabu

(19:51) NaCl: what

(19:51) ennoshita: are you coming to terushima’s friend’s party this saturday at 8

(19:51) NaCl: yeah i have to go to make sure kawanishi doesn't do anything stupid

(19:51) Yahaba: That’s sweet

(19:51) ennoshita: aww

(19:51) NaCl: shit up  
(19:51) NaCl: shut up*  
(19:51) NaCl: lord please kill me

(19:51) Yahaba: You can't die before you have your first kiss with Semi-san

(19:51) NaCl: i hate to admit it, but you make a good point

(19:51) Yahaba: Lmao

(19:51) ennoshita: ttyl guys; see you tomorrow!

(19:52) Yahaba: See you tomorrow

(19:52) NaCl: later

(19:52) Yahaba: Ennoshita is so cute

(19:52) NaCl: i can't believe you just called someone other than kyoutani or your underclassmen cute with no mal-intent

(19:52) Yahaba: Same  
(19:52) Yahaba: How’s it going with Semi

(19:52) NaCl: we’ve been talking

(19:52) Yahaba: That’s good

(19:52) NaCl: i love that we can have borderline awkward conversations like it’s normal

(19:52) Yahaba: Same lol

(19:52) NaCl: how’s kyoutani and the rest of your team

(19:53) Yahaba: Kyoutani is the same as usual

(19:53) NaCl: that’s good

(19:53) Yahaba: Now that I think about it, that is a really awkward phrase

(19:53) NaCl: lmao

(19:53) Yahaba: The rest of the team is alright as well btw

(19:53) NaCl: i want a boyfriend

(19:53) Yahaba: Give me Semi’s number, and I’llcall to tell him that you want him to be your boyfriend

(19:53) NaCl: he will kill me

(19:53) Yahaba: Then just ask him yourself

(19:53) NaCl: i can’t

(19:53) Yahaba: The lack of courage is real

(19:54) supreme dream queen: hello relationship guru futakuchi here at your service

(19:54) Yahaba: I am surprised you've actually been in a relationship, Futakuchi

(19:54) supreme dream queen: i am, too, my friend, i am, too

(19:54) NaCl: hello, relationship guru futakuchi, what's a good way to ask someone out

(19:54) supreme dream queen: roses

(19:54) NaCl: r u kidding me

(19:54) Yahaba: Please tell us more, Futakuchi-sama

(19:54) supreme dream queen: what does semisemi like

(19:54) NaCl: volleyball

(19:54) Yahaba: I think he meant other than volleyball

(19:54) supreme dream queen: that moment when u realize how little u know about ur crush

(19:55) Yahaba: When Futanari can roast you you know you've hit a low point

(19:55) NaCl: he likes weird clothes

(19:55) supreme dream queen: what about food

(19:55) NaCl: he likes churros  
(19:55) NaCl: also futanari... nice yahaba

(19:55) supreme dream queen: omg i didn't even notice u called me that

(19:55) Yahaba: Lol

(19:55) supreme dream queen: once some kid genuinely believed my name was futanari  
(19:55) supreme dream queen: he didn't know what it was LOL

(19:55) NaCl: how old was the kid

(19:55) supreme dream queen: 15

(19:55) NaCl: that is amazing  
(19:55) NaCl: it’s hard to find a pure 15 year old these days

(19:56) Yahaba: Ikr

(19:56) supreme dream queen: shirabu i think u should buy semi 10 churros, a weird article of clothing, and roses

(19:56) NaCl: the fact that i’m considering taking your advice makes me want to die

(19:56) supreme dream queen: do it do it do it

(19:56) Yahaba: Do it

(19:56) supreme dream queen: also wear cute clothes

(19:56) NaCl: like what

(19:56) supreme dream queen: stockings and a sweater dress

(19:56) NaCl: no.

(19:56) Yahaba: You made him use a period, Futakuchi

(19:56) supreme dream queen: idk whatever semi thinks is cute  
(19:57) supreme dream queen: like a button down and a sweater or something that would look cute on u

(19:57) NaCl: ugh love is annoying

(19:57) Yahaba: Sometimes it can be fun

(19:57) NaCl: it’s a stupid oxytocin high

(19:57) supreme dream queen: it’s worth it  
(19:57) supreme dream queen: also sex

(19:57) Yahaba: Oh how I wish I could have seen Shirabu’s face when he read that

(19:57) supreme dream queen: lmao same

(19:57) NaCl: GOODBYE

(19:57) Yahaba: You're the real MVP of the night, Futanari

(19:57) supreme dream queen: y

(19:57) Yahaba: Annoying Shirabu makes you the MVP in my eyes

(19:58) supreme dream queen: <3

(19:58) Yahaba: Less than three to you, too

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(23:33) Daddy: im afraid that if i eat the cake there'll be marijuana in it  
(23:33) Daddy: akaashi in case i die tonight i want u to know i love u

(23:33) Mommy: I think you're going to be fine.

(23:33) Daddy: do u love me back akaashi  
(23:34) Daddy: nvm don't answer that

(23:34) everything nice: when you thought your ship was going to sail but it doesn't

(23:34) Yahaba: 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(01:37) Daddy: so i ate the cake  
(01:37) Daddy: now i feel a little dizzy  
(01:37) Daddy: maybe that's because imtired

(01:38) Mommy: Probably not.

(01:38) Daddy: do u tjink im gonna die

(01:38) Mommy: No.

(01:38) halfpint: can weed kill u

(01:38) Mommy: Yes, but not really.

(01:38) Daddy: what i f the cake wasn't made w weef  
(01:38) Daddy: weef  
(01:38) Daddy: 233;  
(01:38) Daddy: weed

(01:38) Mommy: Call me.

(01:38) Daddy: k

(01:38) halfpint: someone tell me how many weeks its been since we bet

(01:38) everything nice: like 2  
(01:39) everything nice: IF ennoshita wins already im gonna kms

(01:39) halfpint: same  
(01:39) halfpint: we shouldnt say we r going yeto kill ourselves

(01:39) everything nice: ur right

(01:39) halfpint: have u ever inhaled fresh brand new expo marker

(01:39) everything nice: when i was like 7

(01:39) halfpint: did u get dizzy afterwards

(01:39) everything nice: i think i can't remember

(01:40) halfpint: i was in class and we had to write our answers on these little boards so we had expo markers and we had a quiz later that day and i was like idw take the quiz so i inhaled it thinking nothing would actually happen and i got rly dizzy and my eyes were wide open and blank according to my friend and i was afraid to go to the nurse bc what if they asked y i was sick so i stayed in class and took the quiz with a huge headache and i think i failed

(1:40) everything nice: LOL  
(1:40) everything nice: hope u didn't fail

(1:40) halfpint: thx lol

(1:40) everything nice: have u ever attempted that drink a gallon of milk in 1hr challenge

(1:40) halfpint: ya i puked

(1:40) everything nice: SAME

(1:41) halfpint: never gonna try that again lmao

(1:41) everything nice: LOL

(1:41) halfpint: what about the cinnamon challenge

(1:41) everything nice: u know i did

(1:41) halfpint: i sneezed like two days later and cinnamon came out of my nose

(1:41) everything: SAME BUT IT WAS THE SAME FAY

(1:41) halfpint: did u do the lip challenge i didnt do that one

(1:41) everything nice: i HEARD someone’s lips exploded soooo no

(1:41) halfpint: same

(1:41) Yahaba I love that you guys are bonding over poor decisions you've made doing stupid challenges

(1:41) everything nice: same

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(09:53) NaCl: how was the party miya

(09:56) Daddy: i don’t like parties that much

(09:56) NaCl: well that was unexpected

(09:56) Daddy: they feel dangerous and not in a good way

(09:56) NaCl: what dangerous is good lol

(09:56) Daddy: hugging akaashi with the risk of getting kicked

(09:56) NaCl: why did he want you to call him last night

(09:56) Daddy: idk  
(09:57) Daddy: he explained how marijuana can kill someone to me first  
(09:57) Daddy: then he told me why i shouldn't put anything in my mouth or nose or whatever at parties  
(09:57) Daddy: and lectured me about more safety  
(09:57) Daddy: and yeah

(09:57) NaCl: that is cute and i hate it

(09:57) Daddy: same

(09:57) NaCl: kill me

(09:57) Daddy: i’m sry i can't do that

(09:58) NaCl: i’m gonna go to a cat cafe to calm down before tonight ttyl

(09:58) Daddy: okay lol

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(11:33) Mommy: Miya

(11:33) Daddy: yes dear

(11:34) Mommy: I heard there's an owl cafe in Osaka.

(11:34) Daddy: yeah there is lol

(11:34) Mommy: Will you bring me there?

(11:34) Daddy: keiji are u asking me on a date

(11:34) Mommy: No, I’m asking you to bring me to an owl cafe.

(11:34) Daddy: can i stay in it with u

(11:35) Mommy: Yes.

(11:35) Daddy: when do u want to come

(11:35) Mommy: Next weekend.

(11:35) Daddy: do u want me to make the train arrangements for you

(11:35) Mommy: No, I will make them.

(11:35) Daddy: ily keiji

(11:36) Mommy: I love you as an acquaintance.

(11:36) Daddy: i’m only reading the first three words of that sentence

(11:36) Mommy: Whatever makes you happy.

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

  
(11:49) supreme dream queen: does going on a date count as them getting together cuz im winning

(11:49) ennoshita: no i am

(11:49) supreme dream queen: but their date is gonna be after 3 weeks

(11:49) ennoshita: but they planned it during the 2 week period

(11:50) supreme dream queen: ugh we should've established this in our guidelines

(11:50) everything nice: them getting together will be a kiss or becoming boyfriends whichever comes first

(11:50) ennoshita: :(

(11:50) supreme dream queen: :(

(11:50) everything nice: all rules are final

(11:50) ennoshita: damn it

(11:50) supreme dream queen: that was the most vulgar thing i've seen you say

(11:50) ennoshita: :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://hajimeiwaizoomi.tumblr.com
> 
> HMU ON TUMBLR I MIGHT NOT REPLY FOR FIVE DAYS BUT I'LL ANSWER I SWEAR  
> TALK TO ME ABOUT BOKUAKA (pls i have a socal bokuto head cannon and im in love) OR HAIKYUU OR FANFIC OR SCHOOL OR WORK OR LITERALLY ANYTHING AS LONG AS IT DOESNT INVOLVE PLANNING THE MURDER/TORTURE/OTHERSTUFF OF ANOTHER BEING 
> 
> tbh i didn't write for like a week and i might end this fic at 15 chapters idk yet okay anyways I'm working on 14 
> 
> i would publish them all at once but editing is a chore 
> 
> Also note within a note: the marker thing actually happened to my acquaintance. Event recap 
> 
> Acquaintance: "I don't wanna take the quiz." *inhales marker*
> 
> Acquaintance 10 mins later: "Geez, I have a fat headache."
> 
> Me: "Go home."
> 
> Acquaintance: "No, I'm a pussy." 
> 
> He looked high out of his mind for the rest of the class, and honestly, it was kind of scary. LOL
> 
> THANKS FOR READING


	10. my friends want me to go throw a bug on you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI   
> FOR THE SEMISHIRA CHAT MESSAGES FROM SEMI ARE UNDERLINED   
> BTW I DIDNT PROOFREAD SO BEWARE OF UTTER TRASH

(18:17) everything nice: _Attached image_  
(18:17) everything nice: this car is LITTTT

(18:17) ennoshita: what is tanaka doing?  
(18:17) ennoshita: ugh i knew i should have come  
(18:18) ennoshita: please be courteous to other drivers

(18:18) spice daddy: when the angel is snapping

(18:18) everything nice: tanaka is getting L I T that's WHAT

(18:18) NaCl: lit af

(18:18) spice daddy: ily shirabu

(18:18) NaCl: ly2

(18:18) ennoshita: god, everyone here is so gay

(18:18) spice daddy: LOL  
(18:18) spice daddy: _Attached image_  
(18:18) spice daddy: party prep so far

(18:19) ennoshita: that is just alcohol on a table

(18:19) spice daddy: EXACTLY

(18:19) supreme dream queen: teru r u gonna party differently now that u have a solid boyfriend

(18:19) spice daddy: yes  
(18:19) spice daddy: im going to get lit af  
(18:19) spice daddy: WITH KAWANISHI

(18:19) NaCl: oh my god please don't do anything too stupid i really don't want to have to pull him out of anything

(18:19) supreme dream queen: doing stupid things is second nature to terushima

(18:19) spice daddy: yes yes it is

(18:19) ennoshita: kinoshita has a wild side just letting you know  
(18:19) ennoshita: be careful if you see him

(18:20) supreme dream queen: wow i wouldn't have expected that  
(18:20) supreme dream queen: but the real question is does ennoshita have a wild side

(18:20) ennoshita: no

(18:20) spice daddy: we r gonna bring out ur wild side ennoshita i bet u

(18:20) NaCl: i’ll help

(18:20) supreme dream queen: same

(18:20) spice daddy: when yahaba gets here it’s gonna be lit AF

(18:22) Yahaba: Yo

(18:22) supreme dream queen: lit

(18:22) Yahaba: I will help you get ennoshita to have fun

(18:22) supreme dream queen: if only the other half of the squad was coming

(18:22) ennoshita: yamamoto why is nishinoya driving while you're in tokyo

(18:22) everything nice: idk LOL

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

Chat: SQUAD (suGAR, SPICE, everything nice, and halfpint)

(18:59) SPICE: HOSHIUMI ARE U AT THE TRAINSTATION

(18:59) halfpint: ya im outside

(18:59) SPICE: THERE R LIKE 15MILLION OUTSIDES

(19:00) halfpint: _Location_

(19:00) everything nice: WE R COMING TO GET U

(19:00) halfpint: cant wait cant wait cant wait

(19:00) suGAR: SAME

 

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

 

Chat: designated driver, ennoshita, imamazing, kawanishi, kinoshit, NaCl, spice daddy, supreme dream queen, Yahaba and wawa_tari

(19:51) spice daddy: are u guys on ur way

(19:51) kino_shit: y e s

(19:51) ennoshita: we will be there in fifteen minutes

(19:51) kawanishi: 5 mins

(19:52) spice daddy: ily

(19:52) kawanishi: ilytoo<3

(19:52) spice daddy: <3333

(19:52) NaCl: someone please put me out of my misery

(19:52) Yahaba: Did you guys know there's a Wawa in Japan?

(19:52) spice daddy: what's wawa

(19:52) Yahaba: A stupid convenience store that Watari is obsessed with

(19:53) wawa_tari: IT’S NOT STUPID

(19:53) Yahaba: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DRIVING  
(19:53) Yahaba: Kill me before this child does with his texting and driving

(19:53) NaCl: same

(19:53) Yahaba: We will be there in 15 minutes because Watari had to stop for his favorite convenience store  
(19:53) Yahaba: He is so excited that they are expanding it isn't even funny  
(19:53) Yahaba: _Attached image_

(19:53) supreme dream queen: it kinda is lmao

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
“Aren't you not supposed to be drinking, Shitabu?” Yahaba tsked as he approached the other boy at the bar of Bobata’s kitchen.

“This is water, dumbass.”

“My bad,” Yahaba chuckled and took a seat next to him.

“Where’s Watari?” Shirabu frowned at Yahaba.

“He's dancing with Kinoshita and Narita.They seem to be having a good time.”

Shirabu turned around to see the living room where there were students grinding, twerking, and more. “Wonderful.”

“Where's Kawanishi?”

“Probably with his boyfriend,” Shirabu said the last word with a taste of acerbity. “Where's your boyfriend?”

“He wanted to go do whatever the hell it is that he does in his free time.”

Shirabu raised an eyebrow before letting out a loud, obnoxious laugh. “You don't know what your boyfriend does in his free time?”

“He barely talks, okay?” Shirabu had succeeded in irritating Yahaba. “Stop laughing!”

“I'm — I'm… sorry,” Shirabu said between laughs.

“Whatever.”

Feeling vibrations against his upper thigh, Yahaba reached down to fish his phone out of his pocket. He set it on the table, and Shirabu watched as he opened a message from Yamamoto in their captain group chat. It was a picture of a snake wrapped around Hoshiumi’s shoulders while the boy had a tremendous smile on his face; the caption read, “IT’S LIT.”

“Is that a fucking snake?”

“Looks like it,” Yahaba smiled fondly.

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
“So, um, it’s our two-week anniversary soon.”

“Yeah.” Kawanishi watched the way the wind gently tossed Terushima’s hair.

“I really, really like you.”

“I really, really like you, too.”

Terushima opted from looking at his boyfriend and leaned over the edge of the balcony. “You're so awkward.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my God.”

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
Lost. He lost him. Futakuchi usually enjoyed coming to these so he can hang out with Johzenji, but he can't find a giant setter that tagged along, and now he was just a little worried. How does one even lose a 195cm second year with weirdly dyed yellow and black hair?

“Koganegawa!” Futakuchi yelled across the living room, but the music and chatter overpowered his voice.

Futakuchi scanned the living room and finally saw the flash of yellow hair; he was dancing with Ennoshita and Yahaba’s friends. After deciding that it took way too much effort to go and pull him away from his new friends and back home, Futakuchi decided that they could stay a little longer, so he made his way to the bar to sit down with Shirabu and Yahaba.

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
“Relax, I’m fine!” Ennoshita heard his boyfriend’s consolation through his phone.

“Did you hold the snake?”

There was a pause before Ennoshita got an answer. “Maybe.”

“Ugh, Tanaka! That’s dangerous!” Ennoshita paced around the driveway nervously.

“Hey, he doesn't bite. It's all good!”

“Be careful please.”

“Of course I’ll be careful!”

“Are you having fun with Yamamoto, Nishinoya, and Hoshiumi?”

“Yeah, they're lit.”

“Stop saying lit.”

“I can’t help it!”

Ennoshita sighed. “Well, I’m going to let you go now. Please be safe, and don't drink and drive.”

“I don't drink, babe.”

“Still.”

“I love you.” The words made Ennoshita forget his worries for a moment.

“I love you, too.” A boom rang through the phone. “What the fuck was that?”

“Uh, nothing. I have to go, bye!”

Ennoshita sighed, “Goodbye.”

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
Yahaba’s lips curved in a smile. “Well, well, look who it is.”

“I thought we were lame,” Shirabu drawled.

“I feel like being lame sometimes, okay?” Futakuchi frowned and took a seat by Yahaba.

“Isn't that your giant friend dancing with Watari?”

“We aren't friends, but unfortunately, yes.”

Shirabu glanced at the liquor cabinet, and Yahaba followed his gaze before they exchanged a look.

“Futakuchi, have you ever drank before?” Shirabu’s voice was sickeningly sweet.

“Please, I have a weak resolve and am susceptible to peer pressure. Leave me alone.” Futakuchi put his head down on the counter.

“I wouldn't take a nap here if I were you.” Yahaba let out a laugh that unsettled Futakuchi.

“You guys make me want to die.”

“We should play a game to get to know each other better,” Shirabu smiled.

“Are you sure you were drinking water because you never smile?”

“Shut up, Yahaba.”

“What are we playing?” Futakuchi’s cheek was squished against his arm, and he looked kind of cute.

“Let’s go to a room upstairs with less people and pray there aren't kids fucking.” Shirabu got up, grabbed three shot glasses from the cupboard, and unlocked the liquor cabinet with a small set of keys that were left unattended.

Futakuchi let out a whine but he followed Shirabu and Yahaba up the staircase and into a luckily empty room.

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
chat: basic is BETTER (#1, Daddy, ennoshita, everything nice, halfpint, Mommy, NaCl, spice daddy, supreme dream queen, and Yahaba)

(22:57) Yahaba: Ennoshita, come play never have I ever upstairs

(22:57) ennoshita: ok

(22:57) Yahaba: Terushima, you can come, too if you aren't making out with your boyfriend

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
“Babe, wanna go play never have I ever?” Terushima smiled.

“Nah, I want to be alone with you.”

“Sounds good to me.”

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

  
Ennoshita was greeted by an uncomfortable-looking Futakuchi, and he saw Yahaba and Shirabu smirking in the back of the room.

“Oh, joy,” Ennoshita’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Everytime we’ve done something, we have to take a shot of vodka,” Futakuchi frowned.

“I don't want to play.”

“Fine. Yahaba, you start,” Shirabu said.

Futakuchi and Ennoshita sat down forming a small circle as Yahaba spoke. “Never have I ever, um, went all the way…” his voice trailed off.

Ennoshita frowned and took a pre-poured shot while the others laughed at him. “Sue me,” he shrugged.”

“Never have I ever had an alcoholic beverage,” Futakuchi said. Shirabu and Ennoshita both took a shot.

“Never have I ever sucked dick,” Shirabu droned, and everyone but him exchanged a guilty glance.

“Never have I ever smoked,” Ennoshita tried his best to come up with something. No one drank this time.

“Never have I ever cheated on a test,” Yahaba said.

“Does a quiz in seventh grade count?” Futakuchi asked, and his fellow captains shook their heads. “‘Kay, cool. Never have I ever dated a mad dog.” Futakuchi was alluding to Oikawa’s name for Kyoutani, and Shirabu giggled while Ennoshita tried to hold back his.

“If only murder were legal.” Yahaba begrudgingly took a shot glass.

“Never have I ever had a crush on a teacher.”

Futakuchi frowned and reached for a shot glass “I hate this game.”

“Was he or she hot?” Yahaba asked, but not before laughing at Futakuchi first.

“Of course he was…” he drank. “This burns,” Futakuchi pouted.

“You'll live.” Shirabu patted his back.

“Is it just me or do other couples mostly disgust you guys?” Yahaba asked. The question had been sitting in his head for a while.

“It depends on the couple and what they're doing. Kageyama and Hinata are cute, but when Suga-san and Sawamura-san groped each other in public I felt emotionally disturbed.” Ennoshita made a face just from thinking about it.

“Is anyone else disturbed that we’re sharing shot glasses?” Shirabu was only slightly germophobic.

“I think Sakusa would be if he was here, but we really aren't.”

Shirabu frowned and made a promise to himself not to drink from shared glasses anymore.

“Yahaba, do you know how Oikawa-San and Iwaizumi-san met?” Ennoshita asked out of curiosity.

“Are they the hot setter and beefcake from last year?” Futakuchi questioned.

“Yes, they are, and I think Iwaizumi accidentally threw a bug on Oikawa’a face at the playground when they were four, but I might be wrong. They either met like that or during recess when they were six, again with Iwaizumi throwing a bug on Oikawa.”

“Do you think if I throw a bug on Semi, he'll love me?”

“There’s only one way to find out.” Yahaba smirked.

“Where are we going to get a bug?” Ennoshita asked.

“Uh, I think there are crickets outside,” Futakuchi added.

“I was kidding, guys,” Shirabu frowned.

Getting up and pulling Shirabu up despite his protests, Yahaba said, “give me your phone, Shitabu.”

“No, fuck you.”

Futakuchi stood up and walked behind shirabu, putting his arms under the other boy and restricting his movements.

“I fucking hate you guys.”

“Guys, I feel like I'm about to witness rape, so if you do this, can you do it, like, away from me?” Ennoshita said.

“You're going to hell for sloth, Ennoshita,” Futakuchi teased while Yahaba fished Shirabu’s phone out of his pocket. Shirabu kicked his shin, but he pretended like he didn't feel pain.

“Hell doesn't exist.” Ennoshita spoke while Yahaba taunted Shirabu by waving his phone in front of his face.

“Do you even know the passcode?” Futakuchi said, and Shirabu thought that he would be glaring holes into his head if the boy wasn't behind him.

“It’s seven letters. Probably eat shit.”

“How the fuck?” Shirabu whined.

“I know you.” Yahaba opened up his messages and started to text Semi.

 

Chat: Semi Eita

(23:15) hey, are you awake?

(23:15) Yeah

“Would you look at that, an instant reply!” Yahaba laughed and showed the screen to the other captains.

(23:15) where are you

(23:15) Home

(23:16) can you send me your address

(23:16) You know where I live already, but okay   
(23:16) _Location_

(23:16) r u alone

(23:16) I mean, yeah. It’s 11, and I live alone

(23:16) perfect

(23:16) You're acting weird

 

 

“Shit, he just said Shirabu’s acting weird.”

“Yahaba, I swear to God, I will murder you if you fuck things up.”

“Chill.” Futakuchi slipped his arms out from under Shirabu and let him loose. That probably wasn't the best decision because Shirabu rather violently snatched his phone from Yahaba as soon as he was free.

 

 

(23:17) i am sorry my friends want me to go throw a bug on you, so they took my phone because they want to bring me to your house with a cricket

(23:17) What the fuck?

(23:18) it’s a long story. can i explain over dinner tomorrow?

(23:18) Sure. What time and where?

 

 

“Guys, I just asked him on a date, and I want to down Clorox because I planned literally nothing,” worry was evident in Shirabu’s voice.

“You asked him on a date?” Yahaba screeched and rushed to look over Shirabu’s shoulder.

“I love how it seems like you guys hate each other, yet you're so excited for him and his relationship,” Futakuchi said.

“Shut up about that and help me!”

“What did you say exactly?”

Yahaba took Shirabu’s phone and threw it at Futakuchi.

“That was really dangerous, Yahaba,” Ennoshita was using his captain voice.

“Don't speak to me with that tone at a time like this!” While Futakuchi read the messages,Yahaba was trying to wrack his brain for nice restaurants that Shirabu and Semi could have dinner at.

“What about McDonalds?”

“Futakuchi has no class confirmed,” Ennoshita muttered.

“Bite me.”

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
“Please, Sakusa!”

“Get away from me.” Sakusa gave a stern look to Yamamoto and the snake sitting on his shoulder before turning around and walking as far away from him as possible without leaving the party (because Komori said that wasn't allowed).

“Having fun there?” Kuguri asked in his usual monotonous voice.

“Yes! Your pet is so cool!”

“Yeah.”

Yamamoto pet the snake’s head with his index finger and cooed at it.

“I know Kuroo-san and Daishou-san had a rocky relationship, but no hard feelings between us, right?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Yamamoto wasn't even hearing what Kuguri was saying because he was too busy playing with the ‘danger noodle’ as he liked to call them.

“Cool.” Kuguri left his pet room, and Yamamoto turned to Nishinoya who was tapping on the glass of the fish tank.

“Dude, look how cool this little guy is!” Nishinoya exclaimed while pointing his finger at a betta fish.

“Bro.”

“Amazing, right?!”

“Super.”

Tanaka poked the stomach of a small bird that was perched on his fingers; this resulted in a peck mark being left on his poking-hand and screams of terror from Tanaka himself.

In the corner, Hoshiumi played with Kuguri’s kitten using a laser. With all the running in circles he made the poor thing do, it was a wonder that he hadn't been attacked yet.

“I could honestly stay in here and tap this fish tank all day.”

“Same,” the other three boys replied in unison.

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(00:37) Daddy: goodnight friends and future husband

(00:37) Mommy: Goodnight, Miya

(00:37) supreme dream queen: i say gn on behalf of enno, yahaba, shira, and me  
(00:37) supreme dream queen: and teru is probably busy doing inappropriate things rn so gn on behalf of him too ig

(00:37) everything nice: _Attached image_  
(00:37) everything nice: GOODNIGHT FROM US ALL

(00:37) Daddy: <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM ON SPRING BREAK I WILL TRY TO UPDATE MULTIPLE TIMES TODAY IF THE ARCHIVE ISNT SLOW


	11. chica, acaricia mi cuerpo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quenching semishira thirst one day at a time

(11:27) halfpint: imy guys

(11:39) everything nice: SAME  
(11:39) everything nice: imsure sakusa secretly misses us 2

(11:40) halfpint: lol same

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(13:59) supreme dream queen: i feel like shit

(13:59) Yahaba: I apologize on Shirabu’s peer-pressuring behalf

(14:00) supreme dream queen: thx

(14:00) Yahaba: No problem lol

(14:00) supreme dream queen: i keep singingturn me on by kevin lyttle in spanish and i cant even speak spanishand i wanna shoot myselg bc i cant shut up and im annoying myself

(14:00) halfpint: relatable

(14:00) everything nice: guys im getting THICK WE NEED TO CELEBRATE  
(14:01) everything nice: Attached image  
(14:01) everything nice: look at my THIGHS

(14:01) halfpint: when the lunges pay off

(14:01) Yahaba: Same

(14:01) supreme dream queen: yamamoto we love u never forget that

(14:01) everything nice: ily2

(14:01) halfpint: lets celebrate with typing/singing  
(14:01) halfpint: let me hold you

(14:01) supreme dream queen: chica, acaricia mi cuerpo

(14:01) halfpint: you got me going crazy

(14:01) supreme dream queen: haces que me encienda

(14:01) Yahaba: Is no one going to question that Futakuchi not only knows all the lyrics but also has a Spanish keyboard on his phone

(14:01) supreme dream queen: IM USING MY ENGLISH KEYBOARD

(14:02) Yahaba: Because that makes it so much better

(14:02) everything nice: same

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(21:37) ennoshita: shirabu-san are you on your date

(21:39) NaCl: hi, i'm hiding in the bathroom, and i don't have much time

(21:39) ennoshita: is it going well

(21:39) NaCl: i told him i like him indirectly while explaining the cricket thing, and he was like “oh”

(21:39) everything nice: ouch

(21:39) ennoshita: i’m sorry, shirabu

(21:39) NaCl: I WANT TO CHUG HYDROCHLORIC ACID

(21:39) everything nice: maybe he was too shocked to say anything else who knows  
(21:40) everything nice: maybe ur beauty and boldness left him speechless

(21:40) ennoshita: yeah, you're lovely, and if semi-san can't see that, then it's only his loss

(21:40) NaCl: I WANT TO CHUG HYDROCHLORIC ACID SLIGHTLY LESS THANKS

(21:40) Yahaba: Is it just me, or is Shirabu freaking out the best thing ever?

(21:40) NaCl: GO TO HELL  
(21:40) NaCl: I HAVE TO GO TTYL

(21:40) ennoshita: it’s the best thing ever

(21:40) Yahaba: I love that he's annoyed at every little thing

(21:40) everything nice: lmao same

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(23:45) NaCl: HE EITHER THINKS THAT WAS A FRIENDLY DATE OR IS WHOLLY UNINTERESTED

(23:45) Daddy: i love when you type in caps

(23:45) NaCl: THERE WAS A PERIOD OF TIME THAT USHIJIMA-SAN ONLY TYPED IN CAPS BECAUSE HE DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO TURN IT OFF LOL

(23:46) Yahaba: We love you

(23:46) NaCl: guys

(23:46) Daddy: hmm?

(23:46) NaCl: what if i went to starbucks, the one semi works at, and made it clear that i like him

(23:46) Yahaba: How do you plan to do this

(23:46) NaCl: you dropped something

(23:46) Yahaba: What?

(23:46) NaCl: your standards. hello, my name is shirabu kenjirou

(23:46) Daddy: please do that, i beg you

(23:46) NaCl: k i’m going tomorrow morning

(23:46) Yahaba: Shirabu, in case that one fails, I think you should have a back up

(23:46) NaCl: what

(23:47) Yahaba: If I had to rate you from 1-10, I’d give you a nine because I'm the one you're missing

(23:47) NaCl: my pride and dignity say no but my yearning for semi eita says yes

(23:47) Daddy: so you'll do it

(23:47) NaCl: yes

(23:47) Yahaba: What if Semi-san isn't working?

(23:47) NaCl: then i’ll mentally commit seppuku and come back the next day

(23:47) Daddy: same

 

 

  
✿(06:15)✿

 

 

  
“Be strong, Kenjirou,” Shirabu whispered to himself before opening the doors.

To his relief, Semi was standing behind the counter, and there was no line.

“What brings you here, Shirabu?” Semi smiled at him when their eyes met.

“Hi, I came to tell you something.” Shirabu charged forward. Shirabu glanced down briefly, then back at Semi. “You dropped something.”

Semi, too, looked down only to see that nothing was dropped. “And what might that be?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Your standards. Hello, I’m Shirabu Kenjirou, and I think I should be your boyfriend.”

“What?”

“Te amo. Ich liebe dich. Ek het jou lief. Mwen renmen ou. Je t'aime. Wǒ ài nǐ. I love you.”

A red flush spread across Semi’s face, and Shirabu propped his arms on the counter expectantly.

“I’ll be your boyfriend.”

“Okay, cool. Also, can I have a Venti Latte Macchiato, please?”

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(06:38) NaCl: GUYS IT WORKED

(06:38) spice daddy: i am so proud of you

(06:38) NaCl: THANK YOU

(06:38) Mommy: I am happy for you, Shirabu-san.

(06:38) #1: Congratulations, Shirabu

(06:38) supreme dream queen: my boy is now a boyfriend

(06:39) NaCl: I LOVE YOU GUYS

(06:39) ennoshita: shirabu being happy about dating semi is the cutest thing ever

(06:39) spice daddy: ikr

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(11:45) Daddy: keiji, you dropped something. it’s your standards. hello, i’m your new boyfriend

(11:46) Mommy: Are you on crack?

(11:46) Daddy: no i’m drunk in love lol

(11:46) Mommy: I don't know what to say anymore.

(11:46) Daddy: love ya babe

(11:46) spice daddy: miya how long have u known akaashi lol

(11:46) Daddy: we met when we were like 6 bc i lived in tokyo for like 3yrs then back again when i was 11-12 then i went back to osaka

(11:46) spice daddy: omg thats so cute

(11:46) Daddy: ty i think

(11:47) spice daddy: when did u decide u like him

(11:47) Daddy: idk i never saw what he looked like after we were 11 til we were like 15. sometime between 15 and 16 i realized he is drop dead gorgeous

(11:47) spice daddy: what were u like when u were little

(11:47) Daddy: i was rly annoying  
(11:47) Daddy: and i knew i was  
(11:47) Daddy: i annoyed keiji for fun  
(11:47) Daddy: probably why he doesn't like me LOL

(11:47) spice daddy: relatable

(11:47) Daddy: i only have his # bc we had phones when we were 11 and i needed someone to get work from when i was absent

(11:47) spice daddy: doesnt matter how u get the digits as long as u havethem my friend

(11:47) Daddy: i feel like just reading that sentence is converting me into a fuckboy

(11:47) spice daddy: relax im not a fuckboy anymore  
(11:47) spice daddy: ive slept solely with one person for two weeks already

(11:47) Daddy: i honestly love that two weeks is a huge accomplishment for you  
(11:48) Daddy: ur so cute

(11:48) spice daddy: thanks ;)

(11:48) Daddy: ttyl the bell is gonna ring

(11:48) spice daddy: later

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(13:26) supreme dream queen: lmao this girl was talking about what kind of weird porn her bf watched saying that she's super freaked out by seeing australian anal  
(13:26) supreme dream queen: wait  
(13:26) supreme dream queen: is australian anal actually a weird thing to watch bc i feel like it isn't  
(13:26) supreme dream queen: gdi now i’m questioning myself  
(13:27) supreme dream queen: it just occurred to me that i might be fucked up

(13:29) spice daddy: australian anal isnt weird  
(13:29) spice daddy: but ur a freak

(13:29) supreme dream queen: fuck

(13:29) spice daddy: no it isnt a bad thing  
(13:29) spice daddy: kamasaki is lucky

(13:30) supreme dream queen: ihy

(13:30) spice daddy: ily

(13:30) supreme dream queen: <3

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(19:10) #1: The captain of Nohebi wants me to add him

(19:10) Mommy: No.

(19:10) everything nice: ^^^^^^^^^

(19:10) #1: I told him the chat is full  
(19:11) #1: He said, “There is no such thing as a full chat? Please add me. I will give you cookie dough.”

(19:11) Mommy: Don't you not take food from other people?

(19:11) #1: Should I block him?

(19:11) everything nice: tell him to suck it first

(19:11) #1: What did Seguro do to make you guys dislike him?

(19:11) Mommy: He uses the same ridiculous tactics as his predecessor, and it is truly disgusting.

(19:11) #1: Okay, I suppose that is disgusting

(19:11) everything nice: thank u for understanding

(19:11) spice daddy: WAIT DONT BLOCK HIM

(19:11) Mommy: Why?

(19:11) spice daddy: is he cute

(19:12) Mommy: Anyone is cute to you.

(19:12) #1: Bye

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(22:39) halfpint: did u know u could genetically modify babies  
(22:39) halfpint: that is honestly so cool

(22:39) spice daddy: ikr  
(22:39) spice daddy: i would so do that to get rid of hereditary diseases and stuff  
(22:40) spice daddy: but have u read about the ethical debate

(22:40) halfpint: o no i didnt think about that

(22:40) spice daddy: idk if we’ll be allowed to alter genetic codes safely  
(22:40) spice daddy: also ppl want to do it to change athletic abilities or even like eye color

(22:40) halfpint: omg like permanent steroids  
(22:40) halfpint: that is insane

(22:40) spice daddy: IKR

(22:40) halfpint: if it's allowed there'll probably be like legality limits or whatever

(22:40) spice daddy: yeah true  
(22:40) spice daddy: i read that one child died because 1 basepair was altered too early in life and it messed up the entire helix and caused cancer  
(22:40) spice daddy: i wanna research it in college

(22:40) halfpint: same we should share findings

(22:41) spice daddy: omg yes

(22:41) ennoshita: your nerd is showing, my friends  
(22:41) ennoshita: you even used apostrophes. amazing.

(22:41) spice daddy: i honestly dont know what to say right now

(22:41) halfpint: same

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(23:50) ennoshita: english spelling is so annoying  
(23:50) ennoshita: is it travelled or traveled  
(23:50) ennoshita: check or cheque  
(23:50) ennoshita: centre or center  
(23:50) ennoshita: i shouldn't be doing english hw at 11:50pm  
(23:50) ennoshita: someone put me out of my misery  
(23:50) ennoshita: i’m sorry my personality is warped at the moment because i’m frustrated

(23:50) Mommy: Check, center, and traveled are American dialects. Cheque, centre, and travelled are used in England and Canada, although spelling the words either way would be correct. I advise you spell them according to the dialect that your sensei is teaching you.

(23:51) ennoshita: he gave us a stupid ‘circle which is correct’ worksheet. are we in middle school  
(23:51) ennoshita: thank you  
(23:51) ennoshita: i have no idea what dialect i’m learning

(23:51) Mommy: Same.

(23:51) ennoshita: i will just circle all for one dialect and pray it's correct

(23:51) Mommy: Good luck, and goodnight

(23:51) ennoshita: thank you, and goodnight akaashi

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(17:32) spice daddy: when u have straight A/S’s except for 1 C

(17:32) supreme dream queen: is it at least high

(17:32) spice daddy: 67%  
(17:32) spice daddy: guess who just failed his calc quiz

(17:32) supreme dream queen: aww  
(17:32) supreme dream queen: you can bring up the grade

(17:32) spice daddy: thx for believing in me

(17:32) supreme dream queen: <3

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(21:09) halfpint: when u wait until 4 days before the test to read ur 500pg book

(21:10) NaCl: same. i read 200 pages over the past two days  
(21:10) NaCl: only took 5 hours  
(21:10) NaCl: ever wanna die

(21:10) halfpint: same

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(21:59) halfpint: i just read an almost rape scene in a book for japanese and im scarred for life

(21:59) Yahaba: same

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(22:36) supreme dream queen: someone entertain me i just spent the past three and a half hours writing a paper and i am in dire need of a break

(22:36) Mommy: Would you like to play 8ball?

(22:36) supreme dream queen: yes pls

(22:36) Mommy: Give me your number, so I can send a game request.

(22:37) supreme dream queen: k

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(02:17) spice daddy: do you ever just wonder if you're part of a work of fiction because obviously you're too perfect to be real

(02:17) ennoshita: go to sleep, terushima

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(10:12) spice daddy: it is 10:12 and ive already fallen asleep four times in class

(10:12) NaCl: sometimes my teacher lets me sleep during science because i have the highest grade

(10:12) spice daddy: same LOL

(10:12) NaCl: i’m going to go back to class

(10:12) spice daddy: ttyl

(10:12) NaCl: sweet dreams

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(11:22) supreme dream queen: i just had a dream that we all met and we were on a candy island and the trees were made out of cotton candy and one had a face during the night and i went and touched it because i was awake while u all were asleep and no one else was on the island and when i touched the tree it screamed and its cotton candy roots spread and all the other trees came alive and they all screamed and you all woke up and i ran for my life but the roots tripped me and the cotton candy ate me and i woke up

(11:27) #1: You have a very vivid imagination

(11:27) Daddy: i want to be eaten by cotton candy so i can die and not have to deal with life's worries and struggles

(11:28) Yahaba: Same

(11:28) Mommy: I had a dream that my friend kept asking me to send the answers to our calculus homework, and I ignored each text message, and the next day, my friend put a gun to my head “for being a little bitch.” Then I woke up.

(11:29) #1: Why do these dreams end with death

(11:29) Mommy: I don't know.

(11:29) NaCl: i had a nightmare that all of my friends got into the nation’s best universities and i didn't even get into the best regional one

(11:30) Mommy: Same.

 

 

  
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(19:21) everything nice: do you ever just see someone that you havent seen in like 8yrs  
(19:21) everything nice: and realize  
(19:21) everything nice: wow my childhood friend is incredibly attractive

(19:21) Daddy: yes

(19:21) spice daddy: i had a similar realization with a classmate  
(19:22) spice daddy: i just got a really good look at him for the first time and wow

(19:22) everything nice: same

(19:22) halfpint: i just realized that futakuchi has a really nice build

(19:22) supreme dream queen: tyyy

(19:22) halfpint: np lol

(19:22) NaCl: terushima if you flirt with anyone other than kawanishi, i’m afraid i’ll have to kill you

(19:22) spice daddy: I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO HIM

(19:22) supreme dream queen: aww

 

 

  
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(21:37) Yahaba: Do you guys thinks it's unhealthy to take two one-hour naps every day?

(21:37) ennoshita: do whatever makes you happy yahaba

(21:38) Yahaba: Thank you  
(21:38) Yahaba: My teammates were roasting me about it :( even the little ones 

(21:38) NaCl: go back to sleep. you can stick it to kunimi tomorrow lol 

(21:38) Yahaba: Gn

(21:38) ennoshita: goodnight

(21:38) NaCl: goodnight

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(23:17) Yahaba: Do you guys mind if I use your dreams for my psych assignment?

(23:17) NaCl: knock yourself out

(23:17) Mommy: ^

(23:17) Yahaba: I need two more dreams to analyze

(23:19) #1: I had a nightmare that I was at nationals, and the volleyball I started warming up with had a voice that only I could hear. It was Wakatoshi speaking to me, telling me that I had to win for him, and if I didn't, a great misfortune would come my way. I was about to lose the fifth set of the final match, and Wakatoshi’s voice made a reappearance in my head, “remember what I told you,” he said. I thought hard as I approached for a spike, and I heard him again, “I will provide you the power.” I spiked so hard that the ball flew back up and hit the ceiling and broke the lights. One light shattered and then the rest started shattering for some unknown reason. It was raining glass, and I think it was the great misfortune because I spiked the ball out of bounds and lost.

  
(21:20) Yahaba: That is so fucking weird, and thank you very much

(21:20) halfpint: when u care about volleyball just a lil too much  
(21:20) halfpint: i had a dream that i was abducted by the government and ran away from their laboratory and broke into this rich guys house and there were orphans there and when the rich guy came home i was scared af that he would call the police so i hid in his attic and i woke up

  
(21:21) Yahaba: I better get an A for this

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(15:02) supreme dream queen: i fell asleep and my teacher threw a marker at me

(15:02) Yahaba: Were you dreaming

(15:02) supreme dream queen: yes

(15:02) Yahaba: I hope that the marker didn't hurt too much. Please tell me what you were dreaming about

(15:02) supreme dream queen: r u studying dreams in psych or something

(15:03) Yahaba: We are studying sleep

(15:03) supreme dream queen: im not sure i want to tell u about this dream

(15:03) Yahaba: Please

(15:03) supreme dream queen: it’s really embarrassing  
(15:03) supreme dream queen: i was in daisy dukes and a crop top and then yasushi met me and we were alone and i don't want to go into detail with the rest

(15:03) Yahaba: Do you bottom

(15:03) supreme dream queen: …  
(15:03) supreme dream queen: yeah…

(15:04) Yahaba: Dying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now im singing turn me on in spanish why


	12. the reader shrinks to the size of the bee and u fuck

(15:17) Yahaba: When you get 99% on an assignment

(15:17) NaCl: that's great

(15:17) Yahaba: I know it's the highest grade I've ever gotten since second grade, but it's annoying

(15:17) spice daddy: my mother said people don't get 100s bc no one is perfect

(15:18) Yahaba: I’m perfect

(15:18) NaCl: you're not, but it’s okay, we tolerate you

(15:18) Yahaba: Die

(15:18) spice daddy: i accept you as imperfect as well yahaba

(15:18) Yahaba: I hate you

(15:18) spice daddy: mwah

(15:18) Yahaba: I’m not going to do it

(15:19) spice daddy: mwah

(15:19) Yahaba: No

(15:19) NaCl: i think you might lose one of the people who accept you if you don't do it

(15:19) Yahaba: I hate you both

(15:19) spice daddy: mwah

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(19:32) supreme dream queen: have u guys ever heard of fanfic

(19:32) halfpint: y

(19:32) supreme dream queen: i just read a barry benson/reader fic for fun and i want to flush my eyes out because there was an illustration at the end

(19:32) halfpint: SEND it

(19:32) supreme dream queen: i won’t do that to u

(19:32) halfpint: pls

(19:32) supreme dream queen: the reader shrinks to the size of the bee and u fuck

(19:32) halfpint: delish

(19:32) supreme dream queen: i never thought i’d meet someone with kinks weirder than mine

(19:32) halfpint: ;)

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(06:50) #1: Hoshiumi, do you wear eyeliner?

(06:51) halfpint: _Attached image_  
(06:51) halfpint: ya and it's on FLEEK

(06:51) #1: Okay, thanks for clarification

(06:51) halfpint: anytimee

(06:52) Daddy: ur so cute

(06:52) halfpint: i wanna say ik but coming from u that feels like an insult

(06:52) Daddy: LOL

 

 

  
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(02:17) Daddy: dear miya ur rly beautiful and smsart nd goods at volley and lperfexr don't let anyone else tell u different ily ur perfect  
(02:17) Daddy: shit didi rtezt that in teh heoup chat

(02:17) Mommy: What is wrong with you?

(02:17) Daddy: i just finished MY hw and imtyroing at a erly awkwarx position ok  
(02:18) Daddy: and ithougj my futureswlf woudl appreciate a nice message

(02:18) Mommy: Please go to sleep.

(02:18) Daddy: u 2kdiji

(02:18) Mommy: Okay, I will.

(02:18) Daddy: we rlyshouldmt be awake st 2in the morning on a scholnigjt  
(02:18) Daddy: i changed positions so my fingers hit the right keys and i seem somewhat literate now lol

(02:18) Mommy: Goodnight, Miya.

(02:18) Daddy: goodnight babe  
(02:18) Daddy: love u

(02:18) Mommy: I return your love in a much less intensified variation.

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(07:08) everything nice: is no one going to question why they were awake at 2am

(07:09) spice daddy: nope but their little convo was rly cute

(07:09) everything nice: okay then

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(20:57) Yahaba: Are you ever in so much pain that you want to quit volleyball completely and never look back

(20:58) NaCl: my fingers are bleeding

(20:58) spice daddy: my core feels like its gonna explode

(20:58) supreme dream queen: my calves feel like they're being stabbed by a thousand needles

(20:58) halfpint: my thighs feel like theyre going to split open

(20:58) ennoshita: my arms feel like they're going to fall off

(20:58) NaCl: but we would never quit because of that

(20:59) Yahaba: I feel like I'm going to die, and I have a minor concussion

(20:59) ennoshita: you have to stay you're the captain

(20:59) NaCl: think about oikawa

(20:59) Yahaba: Fine

(20:59) spice daddy: hope u feel better soon btwww

(20:59) Yahaba: Thanks, Terushima

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(03:12) spice daddy: is anyone awake

(03:12) NaCl: no why

(03:12) spice daddy: "no"  
(03:13) spice daddy: i cant

(03:13) NaCl: can't what

(03:13) spice daddy: even  
(03:13) spice daddy: i can't sleep

(03:13) NaCl: take a sleeping pill or something

(03:13) spice daddy: i TRIED  
(03:13) spice daddy: kawanishi said he loves me today  
(03:13) spice daddy: or yesterday i guess

(03:13) NaCl: did you not already do that

(03:14) spice daddy: NO  
(03:14) spice daddy: I LOVE YOU OVER A PHONE CALL IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM AN ILY TEXT, SHIRABU

(03:14) NaCl: well excuse my lack of knowledge

(03:14) spice daddy: im sry i am freaking out

(03:14) NaCl: did you say i love you back

(03:14) spice daddy: no  
(03:14) spice daddy: i couldnt talk  
(03:14) spice daddy: i was silent for the rest of the call and after like a minute he just hung up and i feel really bad and i wanna die

(03:15) NaCl: you should probably apologize to him  
(03:15) NaCl: do you love him

(03:15) spice daddy: idk

(03:15) NaCl: that’s extremely uncomfortably awkward

(03:15) spice daddy: IK  
(03:15) spice daddy: i hope he doesn't hate me now :(

(03:15) NaCl: he loves you remember lol

(03:15) spice daddy: k.i.l.l. m.e.

(03:15) NaCl: try to get some sleep and i’ll tell you if he talks to me about it tomorrow

(03:15) spice daddy: should i send a text explaining it

(03:16) NaCl: not sure he'd appreciate an explanation over text

(03:16) spice daddy: so should i wait to go see him after school or what

(03:16) NaCl: you shouldn't wait for that but you should see him after school and practice  
(03:16) NaCl: tell him to call you when he can; he won't wake up because he keeps his phone on silent/night mode while he sleeps

(03:16) spice daddy: okay thank you so much shirabu

(03:16) NaCl: np

(03:16) spice daddy: gnnnn

(03:16) NaCl: goodnight

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(05:23) supreme dream queen: u guys were up so late

(05:24) Daddy: ur up so early

(05:24) supreme dream queen: so are u

(05:24) Daddy: i have morning practice

(05:24) supreme dream queen: same

(05:24) Daddy: when u see someone fine af but ur too pussy to say hi

(05:25) supreme dream queen: same

(05:25) Daddy: i crammed so hard for a test spending like 6hrs studying for three days in a row for an 82  
(05:25) Daddy: can i die

(05:25) supreme dream queen: aww  
(05:25) supreme dream queen: an 82 is good though

(05:25) Daddy: not for 18hrs of studying it isn't lmao

(05:25) supreme dream queen: life goes on my friend

(05:26) Daddy: ur right

(05:26) supreme dream queen: okay i really shouldn't be doing this since i have a boyfriend but  
(05:26) supreme dream queen: _Attached image_  
(05:26) supreme dream queen: LOOK AT THAT ASS

(05:26) Daddy: bubble butt  
(05:26) Daddy: it’s beautiful

(05:26) supreme dream queen: IKR

(05:26) Daddy: it’s so

(05:26) supreme dream queen: bulbous

(05:26) Daddy: that’s such an awkward word

(05:27) supreme dream queen: i couldn't think of another way to describe it okay

(05:27) Daddy: it’s beautiful honestly

(05:27) supreme dream queen: very

(05:27) Daddy: do u know him

(05:27) supreme dream queen: yeah he lives in my neighborhood  
(05:27) supreme dream queen: hes onthe lacrosse team and i had a crush on him in seventh grade tbh

(05:27) Daddy: the fuck is lacrosse

(05:27) supreme dream queen: omg  
(05:28) supreme dream queen: it’s a contact team sport with the net on the stick and shit

(05:28) Daddy: o that  
(05:28) Daddy: we don't have a team for that here

(05:28) supreme dream queen: fr  
(05:28) supreme dream queen: idk if it’s just me, but i noticed that a lot of lax players are really cute tbh

(05:28) Daddy: is there a team pic on ur school’s website

(05:28) supreme dream queen: only from last yr

(05:28) Daddy: send pls

(05:29) supreme dream queen: _Attached image_

(05:29) Daddy: wow they really are attractive  
(05:29) Daddy: 29 is cute

(05:29) supreme dream queen: ikr

(05:29) Daddy: but none of them are as cute as keiji of course

(05:29) supreme dream queen: of course lmao

(05:29) Daddy: of course

(05:29) supreme dream queen: k i’m like almost at the school  
(05:30) supreme dream queen: later man

(05:30) Daddy: later

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(09:17) halfpint: _Attached video_  
(09:17) halfpint: they were giving out free flowers in the media center  
(09:17) halfpint: so heres a video of me eating a flower  
(09:17) halfpint: and then grimacing and spitting it out  
(09:17) halfpint: pls enjoy

(09:32) #1: Who took the video

(09:39) Mommy: Is that really what you're concerned about?

(09:39) halfpint: my xlassmate

(09:40) Mommy: Why were you eating a flower?

(09:40) halfpint: it loiked fdelixious  
(09:40) halfpint: when u keep mixing c with x ~_~

(09:40) #1: #HoshiumiProblems

(09:40) halfpint: did you just use a hashtag

(09:40) #1: #Yes

(09:40) halfpint: where did you learn this

(09:40) #1: #MyFriend

(09:41) halfpint: i haveno words

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(17:19) everything nice: someone is playing pokemongo  
(17:19) everything nice: i am amazed that people still play that game

(17:20) ennoshita: says the guy whose username was harambe in 2017

(17:20) Mommy: Nice kill.

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(21:32) Daddy: is anyone so pretty that you cry

(21:32) NaCl: yes

(21:32) Daddy: im seriously tearing up and i never cry this is honestly horrible

(21:32) NaCl: same but i cried watching open season

(21:32) Daddy: fr

(21:33) NaCl: it touched me

(21:33) Daddy: i would not have expected you of all people to say that, and i am literally crying laughing

(21:33) NaCl: i generally don't cry about anything but movies/books that are sad or touch my heart  
(21:33) NaCl: and semi eita’s beauty of course

(21:33) Daddy: that is so cute

(21:33) NaCl: thanks i think

(21:33) Daddy: akaashi is so pretty  
(21:34) Daddy: ive honestly never ssen anyone more gorgeous before  
(21:34) Daddy: im bawling what the fuck

(21:34) NaCl: same  
(21:34) NaCl: Attached image  
(21:34) NaCl: look at this smileeee

(21:34) Daddy: omg heso cute

(21:34) NaCl: ikrrrr

(21:34) Daddy: _Attached image_  
(21:34) Daddy: ik hes giving me the finger in this pic butlik e oh my god hessocuteees

(21:35) NaCl: you know the attraction is real when you can fawn over someone flipping you off

(21:35) Daddy: i just screamed

(21:35) NaCl: i did that earlier too lmao

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(06:12) halfpint: _Attached image_  
(06:12) halfpint: my thighs look good af today and i just couldn't keep this beautiful rock hard image to myself so YW

(06:15) everything nice: omg  
(06:15) everything nice: WHAT DO U DO

(06:15) halfpint: weighted squats jumps/lunges/single leg hip thrusts/side kicks/bridges/rainbows so mcuh

(06:15) everything nice: damnnn  
(06:15) everything nice: _Attached image_

(06:16) halfpint: ur getting there bro

(06:16) everything nice: u really think so

(06:16) halfpint: yeah man

(06:16) everything nice: im gonna try doing what u do todaylmao

(06:16) halfpint: hope it works for u bro

(06:16) everything nice: thanks dude

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

  
(07:12) spice daddy: do you think sakusa has abs

(07:12) #1: Why

(07:12) ennoshita: yes

(07:13) spice daddy: just out of curiosity

(07:13) ennoshita: he's probably ripped

(07:13) halfpint: his cuts are fine af

(07:13) #1: What is wrong with you guys

(07:13) spice daddy: _Attached image_  
(07:13) spice daddy: send a pic sakusa

(07:13) #1: I’m walking to school

(07:13) spice daddy: so am i mate

(07:13) halfpint:  _Attached image_

(07:14) ennoshita: _Attached image_

(07:14) Daddy: are we sharing ab pics

(07:14) halfpint: ya

(07:14) Daddy: _Attached image_

(07:14) spice daddy: is that an ap behind you

(07:14) Daddy: ohshit hes walking over gotta run

(07:14) supreme dream queen: LOL  
(07:14) supreme dream queen: _Attached image_

(07:14) #1: I can't believe I'm doing this  
(07:14) #1: _Attached image_

(07:14) spice daddy: damnnnnnn

(07:14) halfpint: SEE what i mean

(07:15) ennoshita: called it

(07:15) supreme dream queen: jesus

(07:15) #1: I don't know what to say

(07:18) Yahaba: Sorry I had morning practice  
(07:18) Yahaba: _Attached image_

(07:19) everything nice: same  
(07:19) everything nice: _Attached image_

(07:19) NaCl: _Attached image_

(07:21) Mommy: _Attached image_

(07:21) Daddy: fuCK

(07:21) everything nice: when the packs are too overwhelming

(07:21) Daddy: i didnt get away from the ap btw  
(07:21) Daddy: he told me i was lucky i didn't get a referral for public nudity and sent home for dress code violation

(07:21) Mommy: Lol

(07:21) Daddy: i lifted my shirt up for like 7 seconds is that rly public nudity

(07:22) everything nice: apparently so lmao

(07:22) Daddy: i wanna do it again for shits and giggles but i rly don't want a referral

(07:22) Mommy: Do it.

(07:22) Daddy: … just for you  
(07:22) Daddy: one sec the bell rang

(07:22) Mommy: Okay.

(07:23) everything nice: is he actually going to do it

(07:23) Mommy: Lol, I think so.

(07:23) Daddy: ofc i’m going to do it  
(07:24) Daddy: this time only like 4ppl are around  
(07:24) Daddy: _Attached image_

(07:24) Mommy: Thank you.

(07:24) Daddy: anything 4 u babe

(07:24) everything nice: was lowkey hoping youd get caught ngl

(07:24) Mommy: I was, too.

(07:25) Daddy: ur right it's more fun with a risk

(07:25) Yahaba: When you open the chat while your boyfriend is looking over your shoulder

(07:25) Daddy: im sry mad dog chan i wasn't sexting ur bf i swear

(07:25) Yahaba: I swear to God, the next person who calls him Mad dog-chan is going to die

(07:26) Mommy: I apologize on Miya’s behalf.

(07:26) Daddy: ilysmkeiji

(07:26) Yahaba: Gross

(07:26) Mommy: ^

(07:26) Daddy: the rejection is real  
(07:26) Daddy: gtg to class ttylll

(07:26) Mommy: Goodbye, Miya.

(07:27) everything nice: okay real talk  
(07:27) everything nice: akaashi u have really great abs what do u do

(07:27) Mommy: Cross mountain climbers, Sit-ups with reach, leg lifts, crunches, jackknife sit-ups, planks, pull-ups, and push-ups.  
(07:27) Mommy: I don't do all of these everyday of course.

(07:27) everything nice: i have so many things to try

(07:27) Mommy: Have fun with that lol.

(07:28) everything nice: I WILL IM EXCITED HUST RHINKINF ABOUT IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu on tumblr if u wanna see an extremely low quality video of a boy eating a flower from my school's media center lmao i would put it in the fic but privacy reasons   
> tumblr is hajimeiwaizoomi just say u wanna see a kid eating a flower
> 
> also anyone else notice that lacrosse players are like really attractive or is it just at my school idk


	13. makes me wetter than barry benson does

(19:21) Mommy: Miya, I’m coming over in 4 hours.

(19:21) Daddy: I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU

(19:21) Mommy: I’m only coming over for the owls.

(19:22) Daddy: U CAN COME OVER FOR RHE OWLS AS MUXH AS U WANT

(19:22) NaCl: please feel free to realize your feeling for miya this weekend as well, akaashi-san

(19:22) Yahaba: Please don't for another two weeks

(19:22) Daddy: WHAT SHIRABU SAID

(19:23) Mommy: No.

(19:23) Daddy: KEIJI

(19:23) Mommy: What?

(19:23) Daddy: I GOT INVITED TO A PARTY TONIGHT AND HE HAS AN OWL WANNA GO SINCE THE OWL CAFE WILL BE CLOSED TONIGHT

(19:23) Mommy: Whose party and what is the scene?

(19:23) Daddy: A FRIEND ON THE B TEAM AND PROBABLY THE SAME AS NORMAL HS PARTIES BUT HE WILL LET US INTO HIS ROOM WITH HIS OWL

(19:23) Mommy: Okay.

(19:24) NaCl: do u think they're going to be alone

(19:24) Yahaba: I hope not but probably

 

 

 

✿(00:17)✿

 

 

  
“Oh my God, he’s so cute,” Akaashi’s eyes lit up when he saw the Japanese Scops Owl.

“Isn't it illegal to have an owl as a pet?” Miya asked his friend while Akaashi walked closer to the furry creature.

“My mom works at an animal hospital, and he was hurt, but there was no room for him at the hospital, so we’re taking him in until his wing heals.”

“‘Kay,” Miya spoke lazily, and he was left alone in the room with Akaashi, and the owl.

“What's his name?” Akaashi cooed while sitting in front of the cage and examining his injured wing.

“I think it’s Coco.”

“What a cute little name for an owl.”

Miya walked close enough to Akaashi to brush their arms together although the latter was paying no attention to Miya because there was a cute, crippled owl that needed love and attention.

Akaashi stared at Coco in awe for a little longer before deciding that the poor thing should be left alone to rest and heal. “Feel better, Coco,” he said with genuine concern. Afterwards, he and Miya left the room and stood outside in the hall.

“It’s so weird seeing you be so nice, and, like, soft? I don't know. You know what I mean, right?” Miya closed the door behind him.

“I am nice sometimes, Miya.”

After shrugging, Miya asked Akaashi if he wanted to leave since they couldn't play with the owl.

“Do you want to dance?”

“What?”

“I want to dance,” Akaashi declared and pulled Miya down the stairs to the living room where the music boomed, and everyone was getting down and dirty.

“Keiji, I can't dance.”

“Don't care.” Akaashi released Miya’s hand and let the beat guide the rest of his movements.

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(01:12) spice daddy: shirabuuuu a little birdy told me ur birthday is next thursday ;)

(01:12) NaCl: yeah it is

(01:13) Yahaba: What are you doing to celebrate

(01:13) NaCl: idk probably nothing

(01:13) Yahaba: Are you going to celebrate with Semi-san ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(01:13) spice daddy: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(01:13) Yahaba: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(01:13) spice daddy: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(01:13) NaCl: i guess but do you guys want to hang out on saturday or something

(01:13) Yahaba: Are you going to have birthday sex?

(01:14) spice daddy: we know he is

(01:14) NaCl: what the fuck we haven't even kissed yet

(01:14) spice daddy: my friend lost his virginity before his first kiss LOL and y e s i wanna hang out on saturday

(01:14) Yahaba: Wow you still haven't kissed and same

(01:14) NaCl: what's the rush

(01:14) spice daddy: it’s just like an urge man

(01:14) Yahaba: A strong urge

(01:14) NaCl: okay i’m just afraid of him not liking it tbh

(01:14) Yahaba: Birthday kiss

(01:14) spice daddy: birthday kiss 4 shirabu

(01:15) NaCl: we’ll see what happens

(01:15) Yahaba: Are you turning 18

(01:15) NaCl: yeah

(01:15) spice daddy: the celebration has to be big then

(01:15) Yahaba: Yeah

(01:15) NaCl: i don't follow your logic

(01:15) spice daddy: 18 IS A SPECIAL AGE

(01:15) Yahaba: Very

(01:15) NaCl: i thought 20 would be big

(01:16) spice daddy: BOTH ARE BIG

(01:16) NaCl: what do you suggest we do

(01:16) everything nice: yo

(01:16) Yahaba: Hey

(01:16) spice daddy: IDK BUT IT HAS TO BE LIT

(01:16) everything nice: what is this about lit i hear

(01:16) spice daddy: SHIRABUS TUENING 18

(01:16) everything nice: LIT

(01:16) NaCl: i live in a dorm room and have a curfew

(01:16) everything nice: CANT U CHECK OUT OR SOMETJING

(01:16) Yahaba: ^

(01:16) NaCl: ugh yeah but i have to see my counselor about that and everything

(01:17) spice daddy: DO IT  
(01:17) spice daddy: WE CAN HOLD UR PARTY AT MY PLACE

(01:17) NaCl: now i’m scared

(01:17) everything nice: LIT

(01:17) Yahaba: Who else is invited

(01:17) NaCl: everyone in the chat and kawanishi if that's okay with terushima

(01:17) spice daddy: YES

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

 _When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist_  
_and a round thing in your face,_  
_you get… sprung!_

Miya’s heart rate rapidly increased when he watched Akaashi’s hips move towards him. “Shit,” he breathed and put his hands on Akaashi’s waist. “How do you know how to dance so well?”

Pressing himself further against Miya, Akaashi said, “The Fukurodani volleyball team had to do a routine at a pep rally because Bokuto-san insisted.”

“So, can you twerk?”

“Shut up.” Akaashi guided Miya’s hands off of his waist, turned around, and turned Miya around as well.

“You know I can't dance, right? Not even if it's on you,” Miya laughed.

“I’ll help you then.” In one abrupt motion, Miya’s backside was pressed hard against Akaashi’s front.

“Fuck, Keiji, that was hot.”

“Was it?” Akaashi asked rhetorically. They were so close that he could smell the enticing scent of Miya’s cologne, and it was as if it begged Akaashi to pull Miya even closer.

“Are you sure you only like me as an acquaintance because you're holding on pretty tight, honey,” Miya’s voice as mellifluous.

“I wouldn't do this with a friend.”

“I’m trying so hard not to get hard right now.”

“I didn't need to know that, Miya.”

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(01:38) supreme dream queen: when u text ur bf and he replies “lol what the fuck”  
(01:39) supreme dream queen: i can't tell if what i said was acceptable or not

(01:39) spice daddy: i mean ur pretty fucked up in the head so im sure it wasnt but hes probably used to it

(01:39) Yahaba: What did you tell him

(01:39) supreme dream queen: “makes me wetter than barry benson does”

(01:39) spice daddy: futakuchi kenji, ur freakier than even i am

(01:39) Yahaba: I think your boyfriend’s response was appropriate

(01:40) supreme dream queen: so was it not clear that i was kidding or like

(01:40) Yahaba: I honest-to-God thought you were serious

(01:40) spice daddy: same tbh

(01:40) supreme dream queen: fuck

(01:40) Yahaba: Just out of curiosity, what makes you wetter than Barry Benson does?

(01:40) supreme dream queen: his abs

(01:41) spice daddy: youre so special

(01:41) Yahaba: I never thought I'd see you of all people say that

(01:41) supreme dream queen: i’m special and i’m proud

(01:41) spice daddy: ilysm

(01:41) supreme dream queen: <3

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(07:12) #1: _Attached image_

(07:17) halfpint: is that a cat

(07:17) #1: I thought it was cute

(07:17) halfpint: it IS ADORABLE  
(07:17) halfpint: i didnt know u had a soft spot for cats (ಠ‿ಠ)

(07:18) #1: I don't know what you're talking about

(07:18) everything nice: THATS SO CUTE

(07:18) halfpint: ikr sakusa is a softie

(07:18) everything nice: a cinnamon roll

(07:18) #1: Hello, Komori here. Sakusa likes any small, fluffy creature. He likes squirrels, dogs, even skunks. He's afraid to touch them because of diseases (even if they're domestic), but he still really likes them.

(07:18) everything nice: awww

(07:18) halfpint: <3

(07:19) #1: Komori doesn't know what he's talking about

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(12:18) supreme dream queen: the guy next door is so cute  
(12:18) supreme dream queen: _Attached image_

(12:19) halfpint: DAYUMMMN

(12:19) supreme dream queen: u like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(12:19) halfpint: FUCK YES

(12:19) supreme dream queen: same

(12:19) halfpint: WOULDNT MIND IF HE FUCKED ME

(12:20) supreme dream queen: didn't think u were that type hoshiumi

(12:20) halfpint: U SHOULD HEAR HALF RHE RHINGS I SAY IN SCHOOL LOL

(12:20) supreme dream queen: honestly i wish i could

(12:20) halfpint: WHAT A BAD THING

(12:20) supreme dream queen: fine as hell

(12:20) halfpint: THICK AS FUCK

(12:20) supreme dream queen: oh my god

(12:20) halfpint: BECKY

(12:21) supreme dream queen: u were supposed to say that's my baby lmao

(12:21) spice daddy: look at her butt

(12:21) halfpint: ITS SO BIG

(12:21) supreme dream queen: oh my god

(12:21) spice daddy: we already passed that part futakuchi

(12:21) halfpint: SHE LOOKS LIKE A TOTAL PROSITUTJE

(12:21) spice daddy: fr though  
(12:21) spice daddy: _Attached image_  
(12:21) spice daddy: can we take a minute to appreciate how fine bobata looks today

(12:22) halfpint: OUTFIT ON FLEEK

(12:22) supreme dream queen: ur flaming gay

(12:22) halfpint: YES

(12:22) supreme dream queen: but bobata’s outfit is hot yeah

(12:22) spice daddy: ikr

(12:22) halfpint: guys i think i have a crush

(12:22) spice daddy: WHO

(12:22) supreme dream queen: details immediately

(12:22) halfpint: his name is takahashi but we r going to refer to him as pineapple

(12:23) spice daddy: I RLY WANNA PARTICIPATE IN THE GOSSIP BUT IM AT AN ICE XREAM PARLOR W FUTAMATA AND BAOBATASO GTG LATE R

(12:23) supreme dream queen: what does pineapple look like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(12:23) halfpint: hes a bad thang  
(12:23) halfpint: also ive been crushing on him since jr high LOL

(12:23) supreme dream queen: relationship guru futanari at ur service pls tell me the details of all relations you've ever had

(12:23) halfpint: yeah ive never actually been in a relationship  
(12:23) halfpint: k so in like second yr jrhigh  
(12:23) halfpint: we were lab partners cliche ik

(12:23) supreme dream queen: awwww

(12:24) halfpint: so i didnt know i was gay then bc i had a crush on the vbc manager

(12:24) supreme dream queen: what are u now

(12:24) halfpint: bi  
(12:24) halfpint: anyways we became acquainted then  
(12:24) halfpint: then we didnt have the same class in 3rd yr but i realized wow hes super fycking cute bc my friends kept teasing me saying i was gay 4 him jokinhly bc we slapped each others’ asses and shit as a greeting and then i was like shit im actually gay

(12:24) supreme dream queen: awkward

(12:24) halfpint: and we had class together again in 1st yr of hs and some girls were shipping us and i was like coming to acceptance that i actually like him

(12:24) supreme dream queen: this is honestly so cute

(12:24) halfpint: thx okay anyways the other day he slapped my ass for the first time in a year and a halfish bc we stopped doing that as greetings and i almost got a boner and i wanted to die  
(12:25) halfpint: and he just texted me and asked if i want to hang out but like i said i would practice volley w my other friend in 35mins  
(12:25) halfpint: do u think if i say can we hang out later he’ll actually do it or nah

(12:25) supreme dream queen: worth a try

(12:25) halfpint: would it sound needy like should i just say no  
(12:25) halfpint: this is honestly so stupid y am i so worried

(12:25) supreme dream queen: ask if he wants to hang out later

(12:25) halfpint: k

(12:25) supreme dream queen: tell me what he says

(12:26) halfpint: he said okay  
(12:26) halfpint: idek what we’re gonna do

(12:26) supreme dream queen: u should probably ask before u say yes

(12:26) halfpint: i should have lmao  
(12:26) halfpint: k i have to get dressed ttyl futanari

(12:26) supreme dream queen: later and have fun “hanging out” afterwards ;)

(12:26) halfpint: i will ;)

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

“It should be illegal to be so gorgeous.” Miya stared at Akaashi with lidded eyes while the latter played with one of the four owls in the room.

“I agree. He is so beautiful.” Akaashi pet the top of his head.

“I totally meant the owl,” Miya said quietly, still not playing with any of the owls, but he did make eye contact with a girl in the cafe, and he winked at her with a grin. “Keiji, do you like anyone other than Bokuto?”

“I like Taiki over here quite a bit.” He held the small creature in both of his hands now and blew kisses at him.

“You're so adorable.”

“Miya, have you ever had a girlfriend before?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Curiosity.” Akaashi pet Taiki one more time and said goodbye with another blown kiss.

“Ready to go? We still have, like, three minutes?” Miya asked.

“Let’s go.” Akaashi sat up and outstretched his hand to help Miya up.

Miya’s hair flopped when he held Akaashi’s hand got up; he also refused to let go.

“What are you doing?”

“I like holding hands.”

Without much of a fight, Akaashi let Miya hold his limp hand. “Why do you like me?”

“You're hot as fuck.” Miya held the exit door open for Akaashi.

“A lot of people are attractive, but I appreciate your boldness.”

“You're also smart as fuck.”

Akaashi almost laughed at Miya’s speech pattern but decided against it because that could be interpreted as flirting.

“And you talk to me when I can't sleep, and you’re unpredictably entertaining, and you're kind although not always to me,” Miya laughed, “and you play volleyball, and you're into guys, I think, so that's great, and my heart beats faster around you, but I don't feel afraid to be myself, and I know that you're not jealous easily, so I can be the slut that I am, but I wouldn't want to actually touch anyone but you, and you're really pleasant to be around, and you smell really, really good, and your presence is just entirely alluring, and I don't know. I like you, okay?” Miya squeezed Akaashi’s hand in his.

“You think you're a slut?” Akaashi sounded surprised.

“That's what you got out of all that?!”

“No.”

“Do you think I am?”

“I don't slut shame.” Akaashi held Miya’s hand back.

“I’ll only be a slut for you from now on.” Miya smiled and waited for Akaashi’s reaction. Akaashi didn't answer, but heat spread across his cheeks, and that was enough for Miya.

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(16:13) Daddy: happy early bday shirabu

(16:19) NaCl: thanks

(16:19) Daddy: <3

(16:19) halfpint: I JUST HUNG OUT WITH PINEAPPLE FOR SN HOUR AND MY HWART IS STULL BEATING FASF

(16:20) NaCl: well hello to you too

(16:20) Daddy: what the fuck lol

(16:20) halfpint: WHAT

(16:20) NaCl: he probably thinks you literally hung out with a pineapple

(16:21) halfpint: GO READ THE CHAT AND COMEBACK TO US MIYA

(16:21) Daddy: okay then

(16:21) NaCl: what does pineapple look like

(16:21) halfpint: SO SHALLOW SHIRABU I EXPECTED MORE FROM U  
(16:21) halfpint: JK HES HOT AS FUCK  
(16:21) halfpint: LIKE 183CM THICC ASS STARTING PITCHER AND HIS ARMS ARE ALMOST AS GLORIOUS AS HIS BUTT

(16:22) NaCl: you're wonderful, hoshiumi

(16:22) halfpint: HE HAS GREEN EYES AND BLOND HAIR I WONT LIE HES A FUCKING STUD

(16:22) NaCl: get it

(16:22) halfpint: _Attached image_  
(16:22) halfpint: THERE HE IS

(16:22) NaCl: jesus

(16:22) halfpint: IKR

(16:22) NaCl: what did you guys do when you hung out

(16:22) halfpint: WE PLAYED BASKETBALL (idk why) AND TALKED ABOUT RANDOM SHIT

(16:22) NaCl: fun lol

(16:23) halfpint: ANYTHING IS FUN TO ME IF HES THERE TBH

(16:23) NaCl: that’s really cute to be honest

(16:23) halfpint: <3

(16:23) Daddy: so pineapple is your crush

(16:23) halfpint: THATS MY BABY

(16:23) Daddy: caroline

(16:23) NaCl: why do you guys listen to that trash that you can barely understand

(16:23) halfpint: IT ISNT TRASH

(16:23) Daddy: why not amiright

(16:23) NaCl: nevermind

(16:24) halfpint: ANYWAYS YEAH PINEAPPLE IS MY BAE

(16:24) Daddy: does he know he's your bae lmao

(16:24) halfpint: …  
(16:24) halfpint: MAYBE

(16:24) NaCl: relatable

(16:24) Daddy: lol same

 

 

 

✿ **extra: akamiya** ✿

 

 

  
Chat: Daddy and Mommy

(19:10) Daddy: I MISS YOU ALREADY KEIJI

(19:10) Mommy: I miss you, too, to an extent.

(19:11) Daddy: ONLY READING THE FIRST 4 WORDS

(19:11) Mommy: Whatever makes you happy.

(19:11) Daddy: I LOVE YOU

(19:11) Mommy: I tolerate you.

(19:11) Daddy: LOVE ME PLEASE

(19:11) Mommy: Love doesn't happen so suddenly.

(19:12) Daddy: WHY NOT

(19:12) Mommy: I don't want to hurt you by telling you that I love you when I truly don't love you in the sense that you think you love me.

(19:12) Daddy: omg Keiji that's really sweet and heartbreaking at the same time

(19:12) Mommy: I’m sorry.

(19:12) Daddy: you have nothing to apologize for

(19:12) Mommy: Goodnight.

(19:12) Daddy: WAIT first

(19:13) Mommy: What?

(19:13) Daddy: okay not to be a dick but why don't u love me

(19:13) Mommy: I still like Bokuto-san.

(19:13) Daddy: okay that's what i figured  
(19:13) Daddy: if you ever want to talk about it i'm here  
(19:13) Daddy: it being bokuto

(19:15) Mommy: Thank you, that means a lot to me, Miya.

(19:15) Daddy: the pleasure is all mine  
(19:15) Daddy: i love you  
(19:15) Daddy: goodnight

(19:15) Mommy: Goodnight, Miya.


	14. I knew he shouldn't have smoked the stupid catnip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do not condone of any of the activities taking place in the chapter and i have written them from second hand experience (things my friends have done or what i have read about etc)   
> pls don't be offended or disturbed lol 
> 
> okay u can be a little disturbed

Somehow, 11 people turned into 170, and by then, Terushima was thanking god that his parents were out of town and he lived on a dead end street with only one other house.

“Happy birthday, Shirabuuuuu!” Hoshiumi exclaimed as he held up a stolen cake with a single candle lit.

“Thanks, Hoshiumi.” Shirabu finished blowing it out, and not more than three seconds later, Yahaba pushed his head into it.

“Fuck!” Shirabu screamed, but it sounded completely incoherent to the rest of the boys around him in the kitchen, what with blasting music and the hundred teenagers and all.

“It’s so clustered here,” Sakusa complained and drank straight from a bottle of gin.

“How can you drink that alone? And I can't believe you're actually drinking,” Futakuchi said.

“I'll die in such a crowd if I don't drink.”

“For some reason, I don't think that's how it's supposed to work,” Miya added.

By now, Shirabu’s head was rising from the cake. “I fucking hate you,” he spat, literally. Icing and cake from his face landed on Yahaba with a headbutt.

“Worth it.” Yahaba’s hair was stuck together with icing and bits of chocolate cake.

Yamamoto hurried in with another cake, this one purchased instead of taken from Terushima’s neighbor’s fridge (because he forgot to lock his door and Hoshiumi thought going inside was a good idea).

“Let them eat cake!” Yamamoto held it above his head like it was a trophy.

Ennoshita stuffed his face with the remains of the cake that Shirabu face planted in, and Shirabu took a slice of the new one and threw it at Yahaba.

While Yahaba and Shirabu cleaned the baked deliciousness off of their faces, Akaashi chugged beer with encouraging chants from Hoshiumi, Terushima and Futakuchi.

“This was a terrible idea,” Sakusa muttered, and somehow Yamamoto heard him over the music and the crowd.

“It was a great idea, Sakusa! You're surviving in a crowd! This is amazing!”

“I wanna get away from the crowd. I might puke.”

“What do you wanna do when we leave then?”

“Let’s steal a stop sign!” Akaashi yelled loud enough for them to hear. There was a glint in his eyes that wasn't usually there. They were wider than usual, and he even smiled a little.

“Sounds like a plan,” Shirabu confirmed, and Akaashi took this as permission to grab him by the wrist and drag him out to the street along with Terushima. The others followed quickly behind, but Yamamoto couldn't leave before eating what was left of the vanilla cake.

Akaashi ran towards the corner. “Guys, there’s a dead end sign.”

“What the fuck is wrong with him?” Futakuchi asked from a couple meters behind Akaashi.

“I want it,” Akaashi said.

“He's drunk,” Shirabu shrugged and walked over to Akaashi who was stumbling towards the black and white sign.

“He's fucking wild,” Miya said in awe.

Akaashi’s fingers began prying at the sign, trying to take it off of the pole.

“I can't believe we’re doing this,” Ennoshita sighed. “What if the cops come?”

Akaashi wasn’t hearing anything that Ennoshita was saying, and neither was Sakusa when he decided that if Akaashi and Hoshiumi held the pole, he, Miya, and Futakuchi would pull at the rectangular sign until it came off.

Shirabu sat on the grass nearby and downed some of what was left of Sakusa’s gin, but he spit it out into the grass.“That tastes fucking terrible.”

“It can't be that bad.” Terushima smiled, watching his friends have fun

“Try it.” Shirabu shoved the bottle towards Terushima.

Terushima chugged what little was left and grimaced, but he still held up the bottle in victory at the same time Sakusa ripped the sign off of the pole.

“Wanna rip out the pole, too, bruh?” Hoshiumi smiled.

“Happy birthday, Shirabu!” Akaashi handed the sign to Shirabu as some sort of a gift.

“Thanks, Akaashi.” Shirabu let a lazy grin slip onto his face as he held the sign. 

“Yo, are there any cows around here?”

“We aren't tipping a cow, Yamamoto,” Ennoshita said sternly.

“Don't worry, Yams, there are cows around here, and we can tip one when Ennoshita’s gone,” Terushima said in what he thought was a whisper. It wasn't.

Ennoshita glared at him. “I can hear you, dumbass.”

“Oh shit.”

Yahaba was playing with a few stray cat down the street. “You know what would be fun?” He yelled.

“What?” Shirabu answered back.

“Dressing up a cat.”

“Are we fucking five year old girls?”

“Yeah, we are for the next half an hour,” Futakuchi pat Shirabu’s shoulder and ran over to Yahaba to pick up the cat.

“Terushima, let’s get your sisters’ old baby dresses out,” Yamamoto said and scurried into the house with him.

“It’s so cute,” Akaashi cooed while petting a brown striped stray.

Shirabu held a dead end sign in one hand and picked up an orange, tabby cat with another.

“So many bad decisions,” Ennoshita cringed.

“Guys, this might sound horrible, but I heard that you can get high off of catnip, and I think Teru’s neighbors have catnip in that little kitty area near the door," Hoshiumi said shamelessly. 

“Are these their fucking cats?” Shirabu laughed, and Akaashi joined him.

“Nah, man, I've seen their cat before. He’s black with green eyes. These are strays,” Futakuchi said.

“Does anyone have a lighter?” Hoshiumi asked.

“Hoshiumi, at least look up if you can get high off of catnip first.”

“I did before! I wanna try!”

As if on cue, Terushima, Yamamoto, and Miya came out with a bong, cannabis, a lighter, and some frilly yellow dresses.

“I’m so fucking done with you all,” Ennoshita said while trying to walk away, but Akaashi grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling him back.

“Chill, man,” Akaashi said.

“Oh my God, Akaashi, I thought you would be the most responsible.”

“City boys are insane,” Yahaba laughed while placing the cannabis in the small bowl, and Terushima poured water into the bong.

“Teru, do you have catnip?” Hoshiumi asked.

“Nah, but the neighbor's do. I’ll pay them for it tomorrow if you want.”

“Yeah, man.”

“Take a hit, Futanari,” Yahaba demanded while Terushima and Hoshiumi ran off to get catnip.

“Why me?”

“Because you're the cutest,” Yahaba said facetiously.

“How can I say no to that?” Futakuchi replied with equal sarcasm.

“I'm the cutest,” Sakusa stated.

“Don't mind him,” Miya waved it off and sat next to him, laughing at him.

“I still want a stop sign, to be honest,” Sakusa muttered.

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

In the backyard, Terushima, Futakuchi, Hoshiumi, Ennoshita, and Yahaba could still hear the music coming from inside Terushima's house.

Terushima and Futakuchi sat in close proximity, sharing Terushima's weed. Ennoshita mildly freaked out about the dead end sign and voiced his thoughts to Yahaba while the latter listened and played with a dressed cat. Hoshiumi, on the other hand, God knows what he was doing. 

“This… right here… is my swag,” Terushima muttered.

“All… the girls… are on me,” Futakuchi said.

“Damn,” Terushima finished and took a hit.

“Dude, I swear to god, Hoshiumi is puking rainbow glitter. No joke.”

“Dude, you're so fucking high.”

“Who the fuck is Hoshiumi talking to, bro?”

After finishing puking what Terushima thought was kool-aid and what Futakuchi saw as a rainbow, Hoshiumi whispered some incoherent things and gasped. He turned to Terushima and Futakuchi with bloodshot eyes. “No way,” he whispered.

“Yes, way.” Komori was draped in a heavenly white garb. “They're secret agents, and they're here to distribute all the swans.”

“Bruh,” Hoshiumi stared at the figment of his imagination. “No way.”

“Yes, way, Kourai, we just went over this, and you see that boy in the black standing by the pole?”

“...Ennoyaha?”

“No, Ennoshita is in the black. Yahaba is next to him.”

“God, I see Ennoshita and Yahaba's heads on one body. Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure they're separate people.”

“Ennoshita is trying to stop the swans from eating you, Kourai.”

“No way…”

“Yes, way, Kourai!"

Hoshiumi turned to look at Ennoshita. “Thank you, angel!” he screamed.

Yahaba laughed. “He’s so fucking high.”

“I knew he shouldn't have smoked the stupid catnip.” Ennoshita frowned. 

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

“Girls on my dick,” Sakusa began.

“When I pretty boy swag,” Akaashi continued.

“Girls scream my name,” Miya said.

“When I pretty boy swag!” Yamamoto finished enthusiastically.

“Watch me,” Shirabu said, and he let loose, dancing and jumping around with the crowd.

Of course, the rest of the boys joined him.

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

“I know you want this for life! Terushima began in an extremely off-key tone that resembled the screeching of a chicken.

“Taking pictures with all my ice!” Futakuchi continued in just as pleasant a voice.

“I just want you for the night!” Yahaba continued.

“Holy shit, Hoshiumi passed out,” Futakuchi said, eyes wide.

“Fuck, he's alive right?”

“Weed can't kill you, man,” Terushima interjected.

“You guys are so irresponsible!” Ennoshita went over to make sure Hoshiumi was okay. He wasn't asleep. He was just eating the dirt. “Spit it out, what the fuck?!” Ennoshita screeched.

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

Akaashi, Shirabu, and Miya were surrounded by girls.

“They love them,” Yamamoto smiled while he sat in the corner with Sakusa who was chugging who knows what now.

“Let ‘em be loved.”

“They're really good…” Yamamoto trailed off.

“Mhmm.”

Yamamoto’s head fell back against the wall, and he broke out into snores that could't be heard against the decibels of the bass.

“Damn it, Yamamoto,” Sakusa frowned. “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,” Sakusa began to sing the tune off-key and loud enough for himself to hear, but not for anyone else. “Shit, it’s not December.”

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

By the time he arrived to the party, Kawanishi assumed it was too late to see sober Terushima, and when he heard some off-key voice singing something incoherent, he knew he had to check the backyard.

He was greeted by an eye-rolling Ennoshita, Yahaba rolling around on the grass hugging a dead end sign to his chest, another boy sitting with Terushima criss-crossed with a bong between them, and another kid passed out with… dirt? On his face.

“The fuck happened to him?”

“He smoked catnip with mary jane,” Terushima burst into an uncontrollable laughter before continuing, “I'm so glad you made it, babe! I love you sssoooo much.”

“Aww, how romantic,” Futakuchi giggled.

“I thought only nine people were coming, Yuuji,” Kawanishi frowned.

“Yeah, well nine turned into 90, and 90 turned into who knows how many. I didn't know that many people were coming, either!”

“When do you think they'll start to leave, and where's Shirabu? I'm not sure if he checked out for the weekend or not.”

“Well, what time is it? And I'm pretty sure he did,” Terushima said.

“Okay, then there's no rush back I guess. It's one thirty.”

“Already?!”

“Yes, already.”

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

“Is Keiji letting a girl drag him to a room, alone?” Miya stared at Akaashi while sitting next to Sakusa.

“Y’h, not good.”

“I honestly have no idea what you said, but okay,” Miya sighed, and he was sure Sakusa probably didn't hear him either.

“Shirabu’s having fun dancing, huh?” Sakusa asked; this time, he spoke loud enough for Miya to hear.

“Yeah, he is.”

“Let’s dance, man.”

Miya laughed loudly and looked at Sakusa with his brows raised and disbelieving eyes. “Sakusa, my friend, has anyone ever told you that you're a completely different person when drunk?”

“Komori has.”

“You've actually drank before?!”

Sakusa stood up and grabbed Miya’s wrist to pull him up. “Yeah, man.” He dragged Miya along to go jump around with Shirabu and all the other drunk teenagers.

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

“Where are we going?!” Akaashi had to yell to hear even himself.

“Where do you think?” The girl with her hand around his wrist winked.

“To find the frogs?!”

“No, silly!”

“I'm fucking gay!” Akaashi laughed wildly and released himself from her grip. At first she stared at him like he was crazy, but then she started laughing, too. “Anyway, let me know if you wanna go play with the frogs, but I'm gonna go find my friends now!”

“Let’s go get your friends and then find the frogs!”

“Alright!”

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

_Ribbit ribbit._

Terushima thought the sound was a hallucination.

_Ribbit._

“What the fuck?” He whispered to himself.

“What are you on about?” Yahaba groaned, lying on the grass.

“Dude, I swear to God, there is lipstick smeared on that frog.”

“Whereee?” Yahaba moaned.

“Look up!”

“What the fuck?” Ennoshita raised his eyebrows in concern when he saw a frog with purple lipstick smeared across its back.

“Who even wears purple lipstick?” Yahaba said.

Futakuchi raised his hand and joked, “I do.”

“You're such an idiot.”

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

“That was fun,” Shirabu smiled, his lips tinted lavender.

“Right?” Akaashi laughed and thanked the girl for letting them borrow her lipstick.

“The frog totally didn't turn into Prince Charming though, so that was a disappointment,” Shirabu sighed, and Akaashi nodded in agreement.

“Do you know where we are?”

“In front of Terushima’s neighbor’s pool.”

“Holy fuck, I just realized that's a pool.”

Shirabu laughed. “I really feel like kissing someone right now, but I have a boyfriend.”

“Dude, I would totally kiss your purple lips if y’didn't have a boyfriend,” Akaashi gave him a lopsided grin.

“Have you ever taken ecstasy?”

“Nah, I don’t mess with designer drugs.”

Shirabu leaned back onto the grass. “Some kid offered me it, and I said no. Don't you wonder how it feels?”

“Probably great, but the side effects aren't really worth it.

“Yeah, you're right.”

“I wonder what the others are doing.”

“They're probably still smoking pot in the back.”

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

“I can't find Shirabu,” Kawanishi said as soon as he came back. “Give me a hit.”

“‘Kay,” Terushima complied and smiled at him.

“I really hate being the designated driver,” Ennoshita pouted.

“Just stay the night, bro. I don't think anyone you were supposed to bring home wants to go while fucked up,” Terushima let out an airy laugh.

Kawanishi lit another corner of the bowl and handed the bong to Ennoshita. “Here, you look like you need it.”

“Do it!” Hoshiumi sounded like he was going to begin a chant, but he stopped after the one sentence, threw his head back, and let his torso fall to the ground.

“Ugh.” Ennoshita took a moment to think about it, but eventually he gave in and mimicked what Kawanishi and the others did.

“Feels good?” Futakuchi asked.

Ennoshita’s shoulders loosened up as he continued to inhale. “Yeah.”

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

Yamamoto woke up and found a few other people passed out next to him. It took him a few minutes to process what was happening and where he even was. There were so many red cups. So many pills. So many bodies. Everywhere. Gyrating.

It smelled like sweat and alcohol. His head was ringing. It was still dark out. He found a clock; it just looked like a jumble of numbers, but after ten minutes of attempting to read it, it was 2:37 in the morning. “Why are so many people still here?” He wondered. He stood up and scanned the crowd, head still ringing.

Miya and… was that Sakusa? They were dancing together, and Yamamoto wasn't sure if Sakusa was off balance or if it was just his head spinning. He shimmied through the crowd to get to them and let them know that he was going to find the others.

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

“This doesn't feel right.” Ennoshita frowned when he held the cup in his hand.

“‘S better when it feels wrong,” Akaashi countered.

“Who would've thought Akaashi would say that out of all people?” Terushima laughed for, like, the millionth time that night.

“Yo, I just noticed that Shirabu, Yahaba, and Futakuchi are missing,” Hoshiumi drawled.

“I’m pretty sure they're drinking from Futakuchi’s abs in there,” Yamamoto groaned while holding his head. “I saw them on my way out.”

“Ah, I’m so proud of him.” A goofy grin spread across Terushima’s face.

“Is that really something proud of?” Kawanishi said, and it came out more as a statement.

Miya puffed out smoke. “I think it is.”

“You guys have such fucked up morals,” Ennoshita sighed.

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

Futakuchi smiled at the tickling sensation when he felt Sakusa pour a shot of alcohol down his chest, and he smiled just a little wider when he felt Yahaba’s tongue slide up his belly button to the creases of his abs.  
  
There were people cheering Yahaba on, and others waiting to do it themselves.

Meanwhile, Shirabu was shotgunning beer from a can with one of Terushima’s friends.

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

Was that a cat walking by? In a frilly yellow dress? And why did Shirabu’s legs feel wet? He looked down and found that his lower legs were hanging in Terushima’s neighbor’s pool.

Yahaba was passed out beside him, and there was a white sign with a jumble of black letters next to him. On the lawn, Terushima was lying on top of Kawanishi’s chest, and Miya was clinging to Akaashi’s forearm.

Where Yamamoto, Hoshiumi, Sakusa, and Ennoshita were was beyond him. All Shirabu knew was that last night was insane, and his head was pounding like crazy.

He kicked Yahaba’s calf. “Wake up,” he moaned. The water splashed on Yahaba’s shorts, and it took two more light kicks and a water stain on his crotch to get a reaction.

“Leave me alone.”

“Dumbass…” Shirabu stayed quiet for a while. “Do you remember anything that happened last night?”

“What?” Yahaba finally opened his eyes and turned to look at him and the sign between the two of them that he couldn't quite read at the moment. “The fuck.”

“Yeah, me either.”

“Should we wake Terushima up?”

“Nah, let's go back to sleep for now.”

“Okay.”

When Shirabu looked around at all the sleeping and shitfaced young men around him, he knew that this was the start of great friendship.


	15. Eplilogue: hi i just wanted to let u guys know that i love u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How does one write a good ending? I surely do not know.

(19:17) Mommy: I did what?

(19:17) spice daddy: i promise u im not kidding

(19:17) #1: Why would we do that?

(19:17) spice daddy: u guys were so fucked up lmao

(19:17) Mommy: Are you sure?

(19:17) #1: Actually, I’m beginning to remember it now

(19:18) spice daddy: told u i wasnt lying man

(19:18) Mommy: I just abandoned all my morals? Just like that?

(19:18) supreme dream queen: yeah, u even slept with miya lmao

(19:18) Mommy: I DID?

 

  
chat: spice daddy and supreme dream queen

(19:18) spice daddy: HE DID?

(19:18) supreme dream queen: lmao no just roll with it

 

  
chat: aye aye bitches (#1, Daddy, ennoshita, everything nice, halfpint, Mommy, NaCl, spice daddy, supreme dream queen, and Yahaba)

 

  
(19:18) spice daddy: yeah man u were seriously fucked up

(19:18) Mommy: No.

(19:18) supreme dream queen: yesssss

(19:18) Mommy: Please tell me this isn't real.

(19:18) #1: It isn't real

(19:19) supreme dream queen: yeah we were just fucking with you

(19:19) Mommy: I hate you guys.

(19:19) spice daddy: im sure u love us

(19:19) NaCl: akaashi i just remembered we kissed frogs with the girl who tried to fuck you’s purple lipstick on

(19:19) Mommy: I am never drinking again until I'm of age.

(19:19) spice daddy: ur so cute and naive

(19:20) NaCl: whose birthday is next

(19:20) spice daddy: i think futakuchis since like 4 of us have already had birthdays pass

(19:20) NaCl: semi thinks the dead end sign makes great decor, so thank you for that, guys

(19:20) supreme dream queen: awwww

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(20:17) halfpint: akaashi can u bring little bokuto next time we meet

(20:17) Mommy: Probably. Why?

(20:17) halfpint: if hes half as woke as bokuto i’ll be happy

(20:18) Mommy: Did you really just say woke?

(20:18) Daddy: i know you're not fond of it, but slang does exist, keiji

(20:18) halfpint: roasted

(20:18) Mommy: What the hell, Miya?  
  
(20:18) Daddy: im sry ily keiji

(20:18) Mommy: I hate you.

(20:19) everything nice: roasted

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(01:19) supreme dream queen: my sister is texting her boyfriend and i can hear her giggling and i’m lowkey disgusted

(01:22) #1: Go to sleep

(01:22) supreme dream queen: i cantttt

(01:22) everything nice: is her bf the same string bean from before

(01:22) supreme dream queen: ya

(01:22) everything nice: AND THEYRE TEXTING AT ONE IN THE MORNING ARENT RHEY 12

(01:23) supreme dream queen: thirteennnnn

(01:23) everything nice: HES A FUCKBOY

(01:23) supreme dream queen: shit u think so

(01:23) everything nice: I KNOW SO

(01:23) supreme dream queen: does this mean i have to beat him up

(01:24) everything nice: HOW TALL IS HE

(01:24) supreme dream queen: idk 170ish

(01:24) everything nice: NO U CANT FIGHT HIM THAT WOULD LOOK EXTREMELY UNFAIR  
(01:24) everything nice: U CAN ONLY FIGHT HIM IF HE MAKES UR SISTER CRY

(01:24) supreme dream queen: i hate him

(01:24) everything nice: WHAT DID JE DO OTHER THAN TEXT HER AT 1 AND HAVE HAIR LIKE TERUSHIMA

(01:25) supreme dream queen: breathe

(01:25) #1: Let your little sister have her fun, and let her learn from her mistake (the boy) on her own

(01:25) supreme dream queen: I JHST SCREAMED

(01:25) everything nice: wtf futakuchi it’s 1am that's so not nice to ur family and neighbors

(01:25) supreme dream queen: IT WAS INTO MY PILLOW NO ONE ELSE HEARD

(01:25) #1: Why did you scream

(01:25) supreme dream queen: COLLEGE APPLICATIONS, SISTER’S ANNOYING BOYFRIEND, MY BOYFRIEND, SCHOOL, VOLLEYBALL, MY PET FISH DIED, SO MUCH STRESS OH MY GOD

(01:26) everything nice: im sorry for your loss :(

(01:26) supreme dream queen: tbh he died because terushima bought a betta fish and put it in the same tank as mine “just to see what happens” and it killed my fish which was probably gonna die soon anyways bc it was like 4yrs old  
(01:26) supreme dream queen: we had a funeral for it at least

(01:26) everything nice: why did you let him put the betta fish in the same tank

(01:26) supreme dream queen: I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE HAD A BETTA FISH WITH HIM HE JUST LIFTED THE TANK COVER AND I WAS LIKE WYD AND HE DUMPED A JAR OF WATER AND FUCKING FISH IN THERE

(01:26) everything nice: bruh

(01:26) supreme dream queen: IKR

(01:26) everything nice: the disregard for life

(01:27) supreme dream queen: TELL THAT TO TERUSHIMA

(01:27) everything nice: :(  
(01:27) everything nice: y didnt u send me a video of them fighting

(01:27) supreme dream queen: …  
(01:27) supreme dream queen: gn yamamoto

(01:27) everything nice: gn futanari

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(18:19) NaCl: semi somehow found out that i kissed a frog and he thought i cheated on him  
(18:19) NaCl: terushima i hate you how did you even get a picture of me doing that

(18:20) spice daddy: IM SRY I THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE AND THAT SEMI WIULD LIKE IT

(18:20) NaCl: WHY DO YOU HAVE HIS NUMBER

(18:20) spice daddy: I HAD TO MEET HIM AND TENDOU TO GET PERMISSION TO DATE KAWANISHI

(18:20) NaCl: what the fuck

(18:20) spice daddy: IDK I THINK HES LIKE THEIR PROCLAIMED CHILD OR SOMETHING

(18:20) NaCl: why didn't they pick me to be their child :(

(18:20) spice daddy: BECAUSE YOURE DATING ONE OF THEM  
(18:20) spice daddy: BESDIES UR SUPPOSED TO BE FILLING IN AS GOSHIKIS MOM RN  
(18:20) spice daddy: AND I HEARD THAT WAKA WANTED U TO BE HIS CHILD

(18:21) Daddy: waka waka ayyy

(18:21) spice daddy: ayyy lmao

(18:21) NaCl: YOURE MIXING A SONG WITH A FUCKING ALIEN MEME RIGHT NOW WHEN WE ARE SUPPOSED TO HE TALKING ABOUT WHY YOU SENT MY BOYFRIEND A PICTURE OF ME KISSING A FROG

(18:21) spice daddy: JUST LET SEMI KISS A FROG AND UR EVEN

(18:21) NaCl: WHAT IF IT TURNS INTO THE PRINCE CHARMING THAT I CANT BE LIKE USHIJIMASAN OR SOMETHING GOD DAMN IT

(18:21) Daddy: shirabu, i somehow doubt that a fucking frog will turn into wakatoshi

(18:21) NaCl: IF SAKUSA CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE IN A CROWD ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN

(18:21) spice daddy: HE WAS DRUNK

(18:22) NaCl: WHATEVER SOMEONE GET ME A FUCKING FROG FOR SEMI

(18:22) spice daddy: put on ur overalls boi we’re goin frog hunting

(18:22) NaCl: I DONT HAVE OVERALLS

(18:22) Daddy: i do ;)

(18:22) NaCl: now i feel obligated to own a pair

 

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

  
(17:17) halfpint: DONT YOU HATE WHEN SOMEONE JUST KISSES YOUR BABE WHO DOESNT KNOW HES YOUR BABE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND THEN YOU FIND OUT THAT HE ACTUALLY HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND THAT WASNT FUCKING HER WHAT THE FUCK

(17:18) Mommy: Yes, I actually do hate that.

(17:19) halfpint: IT WAS SO HARD  
(17:19) halfpint: TRYING NOT TO SAY SOMETHING  
(17:19) halfpint: SO HARD

(17:19) Mommy: Right?

(17:19) halfpint: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(17:20) Mommy: ^ My internal monologue 90% of the time.

(17:20) Daddy: like when i held ur hand

(17:20) halfpint: GET IT MIYA

(17:20) Mommy: Shut the fuck up, Atsumu.

(17:20) Daddy: yes, reprimand me, keiji. it turns me on

(17:20) halfpint: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(17:20) Mommy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(17:21) halfpint: first he said shut the fuck up  
(17:21) halfpint: then he called you by your first name  
(17:21) halfpint: now hes screaming

(17:21) Daddy: it’s great isn't it

(17:21) halfpint: p sure u broke him but yeah lmao

(17:21) Mommy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(17:21) Daddy: babe, i’m sorry

(17:23) Mommy: Please forgive me, Kuroo-san and Bokuto-san are here, and they took my phone, and Kuroo-san thinks we’re dating, and I think I might cry.

(17:23) Daddy: ur honestly so adorable

(17:23) Mommy: STOP IT

(17:23) halfpint: ngl akaashi is acting a lot like the vbc manager when it's her period

(17:23) Daddy: she must be hot

(17:23) Mommy: I HATE YOU SO MUCH

(17:23) halfpint: ya she calls everyone by their first names when she yells at them and she screams a lot and curses more and yeah

(17:23) Mommy: HI GUYS - BOKUTO-SENPAI

(17:23) Daddy: hey kou imy

(17:23) halfpint: HI SENPAI ILY AND IMY AND I HOPE UR DOUNG WELL I HEARD UR SCHOLLS VOLLEY TEAM IS GREAT

(17:23) Mommy: I MIS YOUFUTS TOO!!!!  
(17:24) Mommy: Sorry, his fingers are too big for the stupid phone, so he can't type well - Kuroo

(17:24) Daddy: koutarou how would you ask someone out

(17:24) Mommy: He’s never actually been in a real relationship

(17:24) halfpint: kuroo idk u but pls tell me uve been in a relationship

(17:24) Mommy: Yeah, I have

(17:24) Daddy: HOW

(17:24) Mommy: “Will you go out with me?” “Okay.” That's how.

(17:24) Daddy: UGH I ALREADY TRIED THAT

(17:24) halfpint: what if the person you like happens to be a heterosexual male with a girlfriend and a sidehoe

(17:25) Mommy: I would say find a new crush

(17:25) halfpint: EASIER SAID THAN DONE

(17:25) Mommy: I can verify this.  
(17:25) Mommy: Yeah, I’m sure you can

(17:25) Daddy: are u fucking talking to urself

(17:25) Mommy: The first message was from Akaashi. Bokuto says you should just ask whoever you like out, and if he or she says no, it isn't the end of the world

(17:25) halfpint: ugh okay

(17:25) Daddy: ughhhhhhgggggghhhh

(17:25) Mommy: Well, we’re going to go annoy Akaashi more. See you later

(17:26) Daddy: annoy him a little more than usual for me, would you

(17:26) Mommy: YES WE WILL  
(17:26) Mommy: Lol, he's actually screaming

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿  
  


 

 

  
(18:39) Mommy: _Attached image_  
(18:39) Mommy: heres a picture ofakaashi screaming while kuroo tries to style his ghair courtesy of the one and only  
(18:40) Mommy: lol his parents arent even questioning the noise

(18:41) Daddy: senpai have i ever toldyou that i love you

(18:41) Mommy:U SSHOUDL LOVE LUROO

(18:41) Daddy: tell him i love him

(18:41) Mommy: HE DSYSD HELOCES U BUT BOT AS MUCH AS HIS BOYFRIEND

(18:41) Daddy: fair enough  
(18:41) Daddy: anyways can i have permission to date keiji

(18:41) Mommy: CALL ME HODS FAMN IT

(18:42) Daddy: okay pls no flame

(18:42) halfpint: roast him 

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

“You like Akaashi?!” Bokuto boomed, and Akaashi cringed in the background (and not just because Kuroo was leaning over him with gel).

“Yeah.”

“Why?!”

Miya laughed, “What do you mean why? He's perfect.”

“I mean, sure, but, like, why him?!” Bokuto practically screamed.

“I don’t know. I just took a liking to him.”

“Miya, I need you to drink an entire bottle of hot sauce in front of me, and then you can have Akaashi,” Bokuto said.

“What the fuck?” Akaashi whimpered as he tried to shove Kuroo’s gelled fingers away from his head.

“I’ll do it,” Miya replied.

“Come over next weekend then!”

“See you then.”

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(18:51) Daddy: so i have to drink a bottle of hot sauce to get permission to date akaashi  
(18:51) Daddy: and i have to fill out an application

(18:52) spice daddy: OMG I HAD TO DO THAT TOO

(18:52) Daddy: bro how did u drink the bottle without dying

(18:52) spice daddy: a hell of a lot of milk

(18:52) Daddy: ugh idk if he’ll let me bring milk

(18:52) spice daddy: i heard that bokuto is crazy so probably not

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(22:33) Mommy: He will be drinking hot sauce alongside you, and you have to finish first.

(22:34) Daddy: omg did u discuss the terms and conditions or something

(22:34) Mommy: No, he and Shirofuku-san did this the last time someone asked for permission to ask me out.

(22:34) Daddy: fr

(22:34) Mommy: Yes, and I have to do the same if someone wants to ask one of them out, too.

(22:34) Daddy: wtf

(22:34) Mommy: Apparently it was in our friendship contract that I never read, and I definitely would have known if we had one considering I have a photographic memory.

(22:35) Daddy: ughhhhhhg

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(19:12) ennoshita: miya tomorrows your big day how do you feel

(19:12) Daddy: am i getting married

(19:12) Yahaha: No, you idiot. He meant the contest

(19:13) Daddy: oh about that  
(19:13) Daddy: i feel like shit

(19:13) ennoshita: can you please lose

(19:13) Daddy: what the fuck

(19:13) Yahaba: Can you please win and not actually date until a week later?

(19:13) Daddy: oh my god i forgot about your stupid bet

(19:13) ennoshita: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

(19:13) Yahaba: Please let me win. I’ll give you half.

(19:13) Daddy: you guys  
(19:13) Daddy: whether akaashi and i are dating or not really isn't my choice

(19:14) ennoshita: wym

(19:14) Daddy: even if i win the hot sauce contest i’ll only have permission to date him  
(19:14) Daddy: that doesn't mean he won't reject me

(19:14) Yahaba: If a guy downed a bottle of hot sauce for me, I’d kind of feel obligated to date him

(19:14) ennoshita: me too

 

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

  
(19:47) Mommy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

 

 

  
✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

(14:53) Daddy: i won  
(14:53) Daddy: i think he let me win idk  
(14:53) Daddy: shirofuku didn't come until after we began so it was just me vs bokuto

(14:55) Yahaba: Congratulations, my friend

(14:55) Daddy: i feel like i would've lost if she was there from the beginning

(14:55) ennoshita: i have seen shirofuku-san eat, and i can confirm that you probably would have lost if she was there

(14:55) Daddy: ughhhhh

(14:55) ennoshita: same

 

 

 

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

 

 

 

  
(15:19) Mommy: Has anyone else not started their college application essays?

(15:19) NaCl: i havent

(15:19) Mommy: Have you started studying for the placement test?

(15:20) NaCl: that i have

(15:20) Mommy: Same.

(15:20) NaCl: would you happen to know what intellectual vitality means

(15:20) Mommy: I looked it up, and it said eagerness to learn.

(15:20) NaCl: ughhhhhhh

(15:20) Mommy: Same.

(15:20) Yahaba: On the bright side, applications aren't due until like July for early action

(15:20) NaCl: i feel like im gonna wake up tomorrow and it’ll be July 30 and i’ll have 1 day to finish my applications and then i’ll have to die

 

 

 

 

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(04:16) ennoshita: i coincidentally just had a nightmare that i missed taking the placement test and couldn't apply to the school at all

(04:16) Mommy: I just had a nightmare that all my friends got into the University of Tokyo, and I didn't even get into Tokyo Metropolitan University.

(04:16) supreme dream queen: go back to sleep

(04:17) ennoshita: is it just me or is futakuchi always awake at ungodly hours

(04:17) supreme dream queen: look it's hard to be good at volleyball, take care of 17 children, try to do school work decently, satisfy a relationship, have friends, and get sleep all at once

(04:17) spice daddy: at least you still look pretty

(04:17) supreme dream queen: wtf why are u awake

(04:17) spice daddy: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

(04:17) Mommy: Go to sleep, Futakuchi-san. You deserve it.

(04:17) supreme dream queen: okay gn my friends

(04:17) ennoshita: goodnight

 

 

 

  
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(07:22) NaCl: futakuchi is surprisingly relatable

(07:30) Yahaba: Ikr

 

 

 

  
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(16:13) everything nice: i think we need to destress

(16:25) #1: How do you suggest we do that?

(16:25) everything nice: idk wanna learn how to knit

(16:25) #1: Sure.

 

 

 

  
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(19:17) supreme dream queen: confession time: i took a shit in the school bathroom yesterday

(19:17) NaCl: why are you telling us this, futakuchi

(19:17) supreme dream queen: why not amirite

(19:17) NaCl: confession time: i sometimes wonder if anyone in the adjacent dorms can hear me talking to myself and cursing while i do physics hw 

(19:18) supreme dream queen: honestly same

 

 

 

  
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(04:18) Mommy: hello is anybody out there

(04:18) NaCl: hello, what is with your lack of punctuation

(04:18) Mommy: Im feeling particularly lazy at the moment

(04:18) NaCl: why are we awake

(04:18) Mommy: I was thinking about how Bokuto-san just let Miya win after a while with the hot sauce thing

(04:19) NaCl: fr lol

(04:19) Mommy: well it seemed that way  
(04:19) Mommy: KOUTAROU JUST GAVE ME AWAY

(04:19) NaCl: someone's got some pent up feelings

(04:19) Mommy: :( it is disappointing when your senpai gives someone permission to defile you

(04:19) NaCl: akaashi, my friend, he was giving miya permission to ask you out not to defile you

(04:20) Mommy: 420  
(04:20) Mommy: BUT IT FEELS THE SAME

(04:20) NaCl: maybe that means you should let go of bokuto-san

(04:20) Mommy: i guess

(04:20) NaCl: im gonna go back to sleep

(04:20) Mommy: goodnight shirabu-san

(04:20) NaCl: gn, akaashi lol

 

 

 

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(07:01) Daddy: akaashi, i’m not going to defile you

(07:01) Mommy: Okay.

(07:01) Daddy: what does that even mean

(07:03) #1: He understands that you will not defile him

(07:03) Daddy: okay lmao

(07:03) everything nice: i wish i had someone to defile me

(07:03) #1: What the fuck

 

 

 

  
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(15:13) halfpint: hi i made two fish fight and i dont want to go to church so can i confess my sins to the holiest of you

(15:14) ennoshita: would you like komoris number

(15:14) halfpint: no i feel like he would punish me

(15:14) ennoshita: tell me your troubles

(15:15) halfpint: okay so in environmental science my friends did some project called an eco column  
(15:15) halfpint: i wanted to see the fish fight because they were betta fish or fighting fish and so i kind of took their fish after their project was done  
(15:15) halfpint: and i put them in the same bottle thing  
(15:15) halfpint: they didn't fight so i was like whatever and i left them in there overnight  
(15:15) halfpint: and when i went to feed them the next morning the girl one was half dead

(15:16) ennoshita: sounds an awful lot like what terushima did but kourai that was a very cruel decision to leave a violent fish with another one and you should learn from the mistakes of others 

(15:16) halfpint: :( ik i feel so bad

(15:16) ennoshita: repent for your sins and god will forgive you

(15:16) halfpint: angelsan do u believe in god

(15:16) ennoshita: i believe in reincarnation and you will be reincarnated as a female betta fish put in a mating tank with a careless owner if you keep killing fish

(15:16) halfpint: okay thank you angelsan

(15:16) ennoshita: you can call me by my name you know

(15:17) halfpint: ily

(15:17) ennoshita: the angels’ love is with you, kourai

(15:17) halfpint: <3

 

 

 

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(17:12) halfpint: so um i realized i like the friend whose fish i almost killed

(17:12) Mommy: Name, ethnicity, blood type, birthday (year and time), class rank, GPA, HPA, hair color, eye color, body type, volunteer work, previous or current job(s), extracirriculars (acknowledge and officer positions or sports positions), family history?  
(17:13) Mommy: Did I miss anything?

(17:13) Yahaba: No, I think you got it all

(17:13) Mommy: Good.

(17:13) halfpint: we will call him pear  
(17:13) halfpint: i have to think about the other stuff so that will be discussed later but he plays volleyball w me and he calls me by my first name and he needs to make out w me

(17:13) Yahaba: What ever happened to pineapple?

(17:14) halfpint: idk i switch crushes like every few months

(17:14) Mommy: Lol.

 

 

 

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(16:30) ennoshita: halfpint why is our conversation on your story

(16:30) halfpint: cant believe u called me that but i wanted to share with the world (my friend whose fish i almost killed) that i am deeply sorry for my sins

(16:32) ennoshita: i mean you could've just apologized to him or her

(16:32) halfpint: THIS is more than an apology

 

 

 

  
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(20:18) supreme dream queen: hi i just wanted to let you guys know that i love u

(20:18) halfpint: what's wrong with u but <3

(20:18) #1: ^

(20:18) ennoshita: we love you, too, futanari

(20:18) Yahaba: I tolerate you

(20:18) NaCl: ily2

(20:18) Mommy: Likewise.

(20:18) everything nice: <3

(20:18) Daddy: MWAH

(20:18) spice daddy: he had a couple of shots, and he's texting like everybody on his contact list, including his ex, but im sure he really does love us lmao

(20:18) supreme dream queen: MWAH  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed this fic, some other great chatfics to check out are:  
> eric nyam!~ by loleafa at  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/7895065/chapters/18033454  
> The Middle Blockers' Groupchat by thelabours at http://archiveofourown.org/works/9148261/chapters/20783950
> 
> THE WEINER SOLDIERS by damianwayne at  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/7427812/chapters/16871710
> 
> Tsukishima is Tsuffering by antifckboi at  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/9799289/chapters/22004783
> 
> sry idk how to link in notes 
> 
> ❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁
> 
> Next week is the start of the fourth quarter, so I better start studying for exams. My heart aches as I say that. Anyway, I'm ending the fic now bc school and stuff. 
> 
> Because I love writing crack/comedy/chatfic/whatever, in late May or June, I will return with another second gen captain fic.
> 
> I hope the manga reveals more knowledge about Miya, Sakusa, and Hoshiumi's school because I'd love to do a second gen vice captain fic, too. 
> 
> So long, my friends. Oh, it's so painful ending a fic. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. ❤

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [suffering circle](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10360761) by [jialin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jialin/pseuds/jialin)




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